Controlled crying

[ChrissyTwins]

At what age can you introduce controlled crying?

What are your reasons for trying it? Is there a set age? I personally don’t like the idea of it but I haven’t read that there is a specific age. I don’t think it’s been studied on babies 6 months or under and I think it would be advised against before then.

Any age you like. But to be honest, the techniques in the books are all a bit brutal. Cuddle your baby as much as you can, and if you’re exhausted and miserable then shut the door and go downstairs and have a break, and see if they get off to sleep by themselves. I think that the Gina Ford book has details on how to do the “controlled crying” technique from a very young age, but this and all the other books are pretty harsh on mothers, and impose pretty rigid and anxiety-inducing regimes.

I found the baby whisperer helpful with my first dc, but only in terms of giving me a basic pattern for feeds and sleeps. By the time the next two came along I was much more confident I knew what I was doing so didn’t feel I had to do a particular technique.

But if your baby’s crying is driving you up the wall, put them safe in their cot and give yourself a break: your lo needs a sane parent.

You don't. It's abuse

^^ agree

I found the "no cry sleep solution" book really helpful as I couldn't leave my baby to cry

Thanks redcliff I'll try it. I don't necessarily want to leave them crying I'm just want to find a way to teach them how to self soothe and put themselves to sleep without being rocked or patted. I have twins so the highest are becoming increasingly difficult and with a 3 year old who needs sleep as he goes to nursery I just need to try get the twins settled better.

From 1 year. My DH did it with our four kids. I was skeptical but it has worked like a charm and bedtime is no fuss.

Brace yourself for a whole load of abuse remarks. It's up there with breastfeeding and vaccinations in terms of causing bunfights!

I did it at 11 months. It isn't abuse, it's teaching a child to self settle. My DD was sleeping all night after 3 nights of this and is a happy well adjusted 13yo now.

Twins! Congratulations and for the workload.

People on here have strong opinions about leaving babies to settle themselves, but you need to muddle through whatever way you can to stay sane, so good luck with whatever approach you go for.

I did it at 13 months - old enough that i was sure dd didn’t need feeds to make it through the night. She was still waking 5+ times per night and i was broken from sleep deprivation.
First, i changed her night bottles to water in the hope she would naturally just give them up. No such luck, and i’m pretty sure she was waking out of habit more than anything. After 2 weeks of that i tried controlled crying, going in after a minute, after 2 mins, after 4 etc. It took 1hr 30 mins the first night, about 35/40 the second night, and about 10/15 the third and she’s slept like a log since.

The reasons it never felt remotely like abuse to me were:

1. she really wasn’t waking to feed any more, she was wolfing down meals and snacks and cows milk sueing rhe day by 13 months,
2. you know how you can recognise your own baby’s separate cries, from “i’m hungry” to “i’m hurt” to “i want that thing that’s marginally out of reach”? She definitely sounded to me like “i’m outraged this isn’t going how i am accustomed to” during it, not “i’m scared/hungry/want my mum”, eapecially since i was going in regularly, and finally
3. she was perfectly capable of shouting for over that amount of time about totally random things (not often, but definitely capable). If i can get through it because i refused to give her the secateurs to play with in the garden, i felt pretty confident doing so to help her get the hang of the life-long gift of a good night’s sleep.

I'm not sure if it counts. But we always allowed ds 10 minutes to settle down. He sometimes cried for a few minutes, but unless there was another reason, he always settled done within that time. He self settled from when he came home, which is what we wanted, and he slept through from 3 months.
And those posters saying it's abuse. What complete and utter nonsense. Babies cry, at times we have to let when cry. It does them no harm.

Controlled crying for a lot of people is a last resort not a preplanned thing (and it’s horrifically cruel tbh). Babies learn to settle themselves with time and patience, they only learn that you’re not coming to help them by leaving them to cry.