14 month old inconsistent sleep and just crap overall!

[Bexiloumoon]

My 14 month old is driving me to the brink. He's never ever been consistent in his sleeping, he started sleeping through at about 7 months but it was a MASSIVE battle to get him to sleep, up to an hour of work most nights and even then he would be waking up every 30 minutes or so until he was totally wore out and then would sleep through.

Then finally we got him to go down fairly easily with him waking once within the first hour of sleep then sleeping through the night..next the holy grail happened. Bed at 7:30 and nothing until 7 the next day.....then he got an ear infection in both ears so was very unsettled. I delt with the waking 4-5 times a night until it had cleared up..then he slept through for one maybe two nights then he has been unsettled again. He's been a nightmare at bed time, he is clearly very tired but wakes within an hour and screams the place down won't lie down,won't settle unless your sitting next to his crib with a hand on him until he's asleep. Then he wakes up at random points in the night screaming.

Currently he's not been in bed before 10 this week and even then he's woke up once or twice screaming in the night for no reason. He won't even settle for bed anymore he will be dog tired and will fall asleep easily but within 30 minutes he's awake and that's it, I can't lay him down again otherwise he screams and sobs bloody murder. I've tried controlled crying but that makes him HYSTERICAL when i leave which means hes so worked up there is no chance of him dozing off.

I'm currently sat next to his cot while pats my arm,babbles at me, walks up and down the cot but if I move so much as to the rocking chair in the room he started screaming again. I have noticed in the day he has started to get clingy,If I leave the room he cried and follows me,immediately putting his arms up for me to pick him up. As soon as he can't see me he starts crying,is this seperation anxiety? as he never used be like this, he was very happy in his own company while I made a drink or fed the dog ect...? I'm honestly at a loss.

My dd is like this at the moment and is the same age. I feel like we’ve taken a massive step backwards and want to cry at the thought of bedtime.
She is cutting her first molars though so I have been putting it down to that and am clinging on to the hope that it will just sort itself out again.

No advice but am right there with you.

won't settle unless your sitting next to his crib with a hand on him until he's asleep

What don't you do that?

After a few weeks of building the trust that you will stay, start removing your hand when he's calm. Stay sitting next to him. If he gets upset, put hand back. When calm, remove hand but stay there until asleep.

Give it a few weeks again, then start standing instead of sitting by the cot. Hand on him if upset, just stood there waiting when calm. Few weeks later, a step away. And so on.