Four month old - not sleep regression

[Rockandrollwithit]

My DS2 is just approaching four months old. He was born with TOF OA, which he had surgery to correct. One of the complications of this is reflux, for which he takes ranitidine and omeprazole. I'm very conscious of the fact that he has had a rough start to life and I'm not expecting him to be the same as a 'normal' baby.

Here are his issues with sleep. It's definitely not the four month regression as he's always been like this.

Nighttime:
-Will go down at about ten after taking an hour or so to settle. Will then sleep on his own until between 12-1am.
-After this he will only sleep in bed with us. We've tried so many things for hours on end but he will literally only sleep on one of our chests whilst we tap him. This is from 1pm and then after his 3am feed until about 6am. He isn't hungry.

Day time:

• Will only sleep on his own for a max of 20 mins after taking about an hour or so to settle him.
• Will not sleep in a rocker, swing, bouncy chair, pushchair or the car seat. Will sometimes sleep in a sling.
• Will sleep for an hour or more if held.

I'm finding it so hard, it's been four months without any improvement. He's so overtired that he cries constantly. I have PND relating to surgery / NICU and a three year old and it feels so overwhelming.

Any advice? I've tried white noise etc.

He is not an abnormal baby, but I’d suggest he is a high needs baby, like mine, also nicknamed a Velcro baby. 11 months in and I still cosleep, however I have her cot next to my bed and I shuffle her on to her own space after each feed, she has started to enjoy her own space a lot more it seems.

I have just seen you have PND, I’m so sorry.

Honestly, I think the best thing you can do for your PND especially, is to lower your expectations. Once you realise that GENUINELY not all babies are the same (sleep 12 hours a night, have hour/2 hour naps throughout the day) it will be much easier. Raising a high needs baby is tough as they are very attached, but as soon as you start thinking about how each stage will pass by in a fleeting moment, you’ll feel better. My daughter is almost a year now and I feel like weeping at the thought of how quickly the past year has gone! 4 months in I remember being very stressed.

Hang in there x

Hi OP

It must be so hard on you. My DD has reflux and suspected CMPA and will rarely let me put her down to sleep at all. We have to co-sleep as well.
Are you sure your LO's reflux is well under control?

Forgot to add my DD will be 5 months on Friday.

@crazycatlady
You are right about the expectations. My first baby was actually high needs too so I went into this one knowing it could be the same. But it's harder when you have another child already and also when I'm never sure what is just high needs stuff and what is relating to his condition.

My PND is getting better with medication and CBT but it's just hard to deal with the crying fits and the whole sleep situation stresses me out. It's like I'm constantly worrying about whether he needs sleep / if I will be able to get him to sleep / what I will do if DS1 needs me when he is asleep etc.

@AMagdalena

His surgeon reviewed his doses of both medications at the beginning of Dec and he is on the maximum he can be for his weight. It will be reviewed again by the GP in January. I don't think his reflux is fully controlled but with his condition it's rare that it can be.