When to drop lunchtime nap?

[OneDayIWillHaveAGreatUsername]

I have an almost 3 year old DD who has napped after lunch for 2 hours since she was 1. Amazingly my 9 month old has synchronised her nap to be at the same time for the same length of time .
Unsurprisingly I love my 2 hour break each day

However my eldest is taking longer and longer to fall asleep after lunch. She "reads" and plays in her room for about an hour/hot and a half before falling asleep (but will still sleep for 2 hours).
When do I have to admit that she's ready to lose the nap?
I already think 2 hours is too long as she's playing up at bedtime but I also feel that's she's really cranky when she doesn't nap! I'm trying to work out what to do without being selfish and wanting to keep her nap so I get a break!!

Any advice gratefully received!

3 is a reasonable age to start dropping the nap for many children. I'd establish a set wake up time. Say she goes up for a nap at 1pm, wake her again 3pm regardless of what time she went to sleep.

Give this a week or two. If age is still messing before going to sleep then make it a 1.30pm nap and wake at 3pm. Or a 1.30-2.30pm nap.

Give these a few weeks and if still messing then it's time to introduce "rest hour" (on sofa) after lunch, instead of nap time.

Thank you. That's a good plan. (Although she's so stroppy when woken!)

When it starts really affecting their bedtime. I had to cut down my DD's nap at around 20 months because if she had any more than 1 hr she wouldn't go to sleep till 8.30 or later and then would be grumpy the next morning. By age 2 it was down to 45 mins or she wouldn't sleep at bedtime, and over the summer I had to get rid of the nap altogether...

Oh and both mine were grumpy on being woken but I put them in front of TV for 10 min (eg one Peppa) and by the end of the episode they were generally fine

Kids always get up grumpy IME! Distraction helps! My 3yo DS stopped napping around a year ago. I found bedtime was getting later the later he napped therefore it made sense to struggle through the tired hours from 3pm. I find he gets a second wind after an hour or so of tiredness but other times I put him to bed a half hour earlier due to being so tired. I leave home for work at 7am so him getting up a little earlier due to an early bedtime really doesn't matter.

Mine stopped napping at 17-18 months.
She'll have the odd 30 minute nap now but it messes up bedtime when she does.
She's 22 months

Mine stopped napping before they were 3. I know there was a period is go for a drive if I really needed a break and they'd sleep after lunch but once they were fussing about having a nap I stopped.

You could try naps some days and not others. We've done this by accident (childcare days he doesn't nap), and now at 3 years 3 months he naps maybe once or twice a week, depending on how much I feel he needs it. I can see it going completely in the next few months - he's taking ages to fall asleep now even on days I can see he really needs a nap. And he's started to sleep longer on mornings when he's tired, so I can see that he'll be able to start to manage tiredness that way without a nap (previously he'd be awake at the crack of dawn regardless of how tired he was).

Thank you all very much.

We realise now how much her nap affects bedtime (she often is still awake at 8.30pm when she used to fall asleep at 7pm!). I think we will try a few of your suggestions. As much as I want to keep the nap for my own sanity (!) I know it's probably over! I think we will try a mix of letting her skip it every now and again along with having a very set wake up time and see how it affects bedtime - with a view to dropping it all together.

Thank you