How to get 3yo to fall asleep on her own??

[SleepForTheWeek]

DD1 has never been a good sleeper, and has always needed us to get to sleep at bedtime. This (largely) hasn't been a problem but DD2 is 6 months and bed timings are getting tricky so it would be handy if she was able to get herself to sleep.

She currently gets a couple of stories then songs until she's asleep. She plays with my hair to get her to sleep, but if DH is doing bed she plays with her own hair. It doesn't usually take a huge amount of time but it depends what kind of day she's had.

We are actually reading the rabbit/elephant who wants to go to sleep (hypnosis books) which work - but she'll soon want another story at bedtime and we will be back to square one.

At any suggestion of her going to sleep by herself she gets very upset. She's quite sensitive, and also VERY head strong.

Any suggestions or success stories welcome!!

She currently gets a couple of stories then songs until she's asleep.

So is the reading/singing ongoing, while she plays with hair, until she drops off to sleep?

I would cut that back to just 1 story. The procrastination isn't helping her.

I would still sit in with her (for now) allowing the hair playing, but just sit quietly and still and wait. Then over time gradually and slowly withdraw.

Yes basically, although she has s limit on stories and songs so once they are finished if she's not sleeping then it's just silence and hair playing.

Stories and songs take 10 mins, it's not excessive and I think she needs that for winding down

1 story, tuck in and then leave. She won't like it having had you do all the other stuff for years but she'll get over it pretty quick. She's 3 so you can explain that you have XYZ to do and will check in on her in 10mins etc. Just stick to it. She'll get it.

It's Christ moose I do that with my 3 year old but she's up
And down like a yo yo.

Hi OP I know it's tough but I'd keep reading lots to her before bed, I wouldn't just read one book. I always read DS1 as many books as he wanted and he taught himself to read at 4, and is now reading Year 3/4 and beyond stuff in reception.

It's a tough phase but it does pass. DS1 goes off quite quickly these days DS2 is another story

Just to add - he still doesn't go to sleep on his own (he's 5). He will one day.

Yes I like the stories, as I say it's not excessive. Her vocabulary is brilliant for a 3yo and I do think a lot of it is because of all these stories. Last night we read Horrid Henry, no colourful pages or pictures but she lay down and listened to 13 pages of it!!

But after reading it, I would love to be able to tuck in and leave.

Although, once she's asleep she won't be up and down like @Silvertap. Until she ends up in with us at 3am

although she has s limit on stories and songs so once they are finished if she's not sleeping then it's just silence and hair playing

I didn't realise this from the OP, I had thought this was unending until sleep came, regardless of how long.

A limit at bedtime is good. And it wants to be a prepared and always the same limit so she knows what to expect.

To indulge slightly in the passive aggressive competitive parenting that's evolved here, actively engaging child in books is better done throughout the day rather than when tired. By the nature of you wanting her to switch off and go to sleep, you want her concentration levels lowest just before bed.

Wind down wants to begin way before 10 mins to sleep time. I'd suggest story times start 1h before bed, when screens go off and still in living area. I'd suggest loads of reading then, undivided attention snuggled on the sofa with loads of books. Followed by a bath (with lots of singing in there?).

Into the bedroom, and that should mean sleep. So as I said, a limited (and pre agreed) story. 10-15 mins including the time it takes you get dry/dressed in fine. But no more than this. Then significantly in silence. Extending that silent time with no engagement from you is the first step.

WRT hair twiddling (one if my children did that as a self soothing method), let her do as she wants while winding down, but encourage her to transfer to her own hair once in the silent sleep time. Just sit with her and wait until this is established.

I wasn't being competitive - and I'm actually not reading to 19mo DS2 at night because he still feeds to sleep. I was just commenting that my 5yo has never dropped off to sleep on his own (sensory issues) but that the bonus has been that we were able to read to him lots.

I also didn't find anything anyone said passive aggressive.

Thank you for the tips

She's just so dependant on our presence and in a way I don't kind, but bedtimes with two would be so much easier of DD1 was more independent with sleep

How long does it take realistically? If not long can you carry on until she no longer needs it? Sounds quite peaceful to me

It's usually around 30mins, including teeth brushing, going for a pee etc. Of course, if she's really tired it's much less but if she's quite hyper it can be longer!

It is quite nice, but DD2 is ebf and needs me to feed her ideally before she goes to sleep. DH works away often and it's hard juggling the two of them at bedtime