18 month old never gone to sleep alone

[Pissedoffisanunderstatement]

I’m wondering if there’s anyone who can help me. My boy has never gone to sleep alone. He has a great routine and is in bed at 7:30-8 then sleeps through until 6:30-7 but me or my husband can only get him to sleep by lying in our bed with him and then putting him in his cot once he’s already asleep. We have tried just putting him in the cot in the past but he screams and just never seemed to fall asleep no matter how long we leave him. We ended up just taking the easy option because he always falls asleep relatively quickly for us. This is how we put him down for naps too.

Now that he’s older we would love to put him down in his cot bed and for him to just go to sleep. Has anyone got any ideas how we can do this? Or should we wait until he’s old enough for us to be able to explain to him? Well aware that this is our own doing....I just hope it isn’t irreversable

I'm convinced that some kids are just like this.ds was ok, but Dd needed someone to be there, followed by a ninja roll out of the room. She only settled when we moved her older brother in. It was another 4 years until she stopped sleeping in our bed though......

Is it really a problem? He likes the security and you’ll reap the benefits by having a really secure child.

For some kids this is just what they need. He'll grow out of it! My littlest was like this - she's in her 30s now, married and just about to go to Africa for a year. She just grew out of it in her own time. 18 months old is still very, very little to be lying there feeling all alone in the world.

I just hope it isn’t irreversable

It's isn't irreversible. But to get to where you you just put him down in his cot bed and for him to just go to sleep is going you need a high level of commitment and consistency from you. Given that you have previously tried and given up in this, I would question if you are really committed enough to achieve it.

You need to unquestionably have made the decision that this is what you are doing. Anything less and it is very unfair on your child, far more unfair than the sleep training in itself.

*

I shall just add as an aside that most well parented babies - independant sleepers in their cots or cosleeping with parents - can grow up your be equally as secure know themselves.

You suggest that a child's sence of security comes from lack of independence in going to sleep is just plain wrong.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply.

Fate - hopefully I am wrong but there seems to be a rather sharp undertone to your post. To clarify, I admitted in my first post that we weren’t committed enough when I said we took the easy way out. I didn’t do this with the intention of being unfair on my child but because I found it difficult to see how distressed my child was. I have read that leaving the child to cry it out is damaging.

I shall just add as an aside that I would like my baby to be “well parented” and that is why I have posted. I’m looking for advice from other mums who may have been through this or those with better parenting skills than me to offer well meaning advice or support. Unfortunately, although I have a great relationship with my boy an absolute love being his Mum I’m not overly confident about my abilities/instincts and that’s why I spend a lot of time looking up ways to be the best I can manage.

Once again thanks everyone for your replies - especially the well meaning ones

Not massively helpful but our 3 year old still wants us there to fall asleep, but it takes 5/10 minutes now.
We tried a few things, but it made her sleep disturbed and she just cannot fall asleep happily on her own. For us it made more sense to spend the time helping her sleep.
She also wake up in our bed every morning, but I love that.

Oh but she is in her bed (was cot). It took a while but we stayed with her and calmed her and eventually she started going to sleep in her own cot with us there.

Thanks plum. I think we’re going to try putting him down in his cot and staying with him so he is at least falling asleep and waking up in the same place. After posting this however it’s reasurring to hear so many people don’t think it’s a big deal. The whole reason I was panicking in the first place were the eyebrow raises from friends and family when finding out we get him to sleep in our bed

I wouldn't listen. As long as it works for you.
A close Mum friend used to think I was bonkers, however she has her second now.... who doesn't sleep through, won't sleep alone, is very attached etc

I wouldn't listen. As long as it works for you.
A close Mum friend used to think I was bonkers, however she has her second now.... who doesn't sleep through, won't sleep alone, is very attached etc

Sounds totally normal to me; don’t know if this helps but lots of people I know how made huge efforts with their babies/toddlers to get them to fall asleep alone have gone through many phases in later childhood where they are required to sit by the bed/hold hand/stoke hair etc etc
My son happily fell asleep alone in his cot from age 1.....then at 4 developed a vivid imagination and now I sit by his bed! My 2 year old has never gone to sleep without having her hand held so I know how you feel!

Pissedoffisanunderstatement the "well parented" remark was in responce to crazycatlady5's post suggesting that if you sleep training then baby will somehow be a less secure child. It's wasn't in any way aimed at you. I could have been clearer in that, I can see having re-read. I'm sorry

(I just didn't like crazycatlady5's inference so wanted to take her to task in my aside note)

As for the rest I've my post, it wasn't meant as offensive, just factual. If you decide to sleep training you need to really, really be consistant with it. If you can't be consistent, then finding coping strategies is better as a way to maximise everyone's sleep without any sleep training.

I have a 16 month old who until very recently would only fall asleep either feeding or cuddling/rocking. We’ve been able to transition now to putting him in the cot and then just sitting with him holding his hand and singing until he goes to sleep. At some point we might work on gradually trying to leave the room so he falls asleep himself but I just don’t feel he’s ready for this and am not prepared to leave him to cry. If you haven’t may try that, so lots of reassurance, patting, singing until he’s asleep. It didn’t take that long for my son to get the idea and now he’ll generally lie down when you tell him to. It is quite boring sitting in the dark though and it does take him about half an hour to fall asleep unless he’s really tired. To be honest I’d just go with whatever is working for you now. The only reason we’ve changed things is because it was getting to hard to get him to sleep because he’s so heavy

Unashamedly placemarking. Dd is 2.5 years and we're still doing this.
She falls asleep on me downstairs and after 10 mins I transfer her to her cot. We only live in a 2 bed so she can't have her own room and we have no room for a bed. She has always been a Velcro baby though.
I wish I had some advice OP. Any advice what has been given to me in the past has not worked or requires her to be in her own room. Grrr
Good luck OP.

Ps this is v embarrassing but the way I got my kids to fall asleep in the cot instead of my bed was to do a week where I got in the cot with them then climbed out when they were asleep!! Was able to graduate from that to holding hands through the bars etc

Haha clock struck I’ve climbed into the cot with my son before too!! It’s actually very comfy I don’t know what his problem is

Fate - ok it seems I took your post the wrong way. I don’t think sleep training is for us so we will explore other options.

Thanks for the replies I feel a bit more normal now! All my friends are pretty close to perfect mums so it’s nice to hear not everyone’s child goes down in their cot without issue!!

I have the same with my 18 month old who takes up to an hour to get to sleep and know myself well enough to know I will never have the self discipline to sleep train, though have no issues with people who do.
That said, I like to keep an eye on these boards to see what strategies people suggest or have used.
I have taken DD out of the cot completely and made a double bed in her room for her with pillows around it. She's yet to fall off. This was after she slept in my bed in my room. I decided I would lie in her bed with her till she fell asleep so she would get used to it. I'm still there a month later. Not only because teething and colds and nightmares have kept me there. But also because lying in bed with my dd with her sweet breath on my cheek and pudgy little fingers wrapped around mine is as close to heaven on Earth as I can get. sometimes......

One of us still stays with DD (5) as she goes to sleep. It works for us. Is your current setup working for you? We've been slightly unconventional in a range of ways with DD, so are pretty good at ignoring comments from others!