Baby won't sleep. We are both exhausted. PLEASE HELP!!!!

[ratfly]

As I write this, my son in screaming in the next room. I can't even bear to go near him.

He is 14 weeks old and heas never been a good sleeper. For his naps, I have tried:
bouncing in a chair
feeding to sleep
holding and rocking etc
all at different times, and the end result is that he will sleep for between 1 and 20 minutes then wake up. so for a daytime nap I need to sit by him and help him go back to sleep when he wakes. I always put him down at the early signs of tiredness.

If I drive he might sleep, but wakes when we stop. ditto for going out in the pram.

he wakes up 2 - 4 times in the night. I feed him, he goes to sleep. he wakes at 6.30 with huge bags under his eyes. we try a nap at 7.30/8, which lasts about 20 mins.

by bedtime he is screaming as he is so tired, but he will not sleep!!!
I am so exhausted I am considering leaving him to cry it out as a technique. I hate it, but I am so fgrustrated I am starting to resent him.

Please help!

This is probably not the most practical advice, but if you can get a night nurse for a couple of nights. She can get him started on a routine and you can get a proper nights rest which will have a massive impact on your outlook

I think just accepting that he doesn't sleep much might help. My ds2 is like that, rarely sleeps during the day and wakes 3-4 times a night. Usually he stays awake for a couple of hours in the night, last night he woke and fed at 3am and then went back to sleep at 5.15am. Other kids were up at 6 ish and he got up at 7am. No naps yet and I doubt he will until later on. He sleeps in the car but like your ds wakes when we stop. It's hard when you can see they're so tired but I try to feed or rock him to sleep or dh holds him and then just hold him while he sleeps during the day. At night I hold him or dh does until he's fast asleep and then we try to put him in bed. He's happy most of the time so maybe just doesn't need much sleep, all babies are different.

Is there anyone firstly that you could go and talk to about this - a neighbour, friend, health visitor, family member.
Please dont feel alone, my DD did this and at times they all go through it.
Secondly, a cranial osteopath may help, where do you live??
Sending love to you

My ds2 is 15 weeks on Thursday.

Have you tried a dummy? I always said I'd never ever use them but when ds1 was about 14 weeks he wouldn't settle and seemed to spend his whole time screaming. A friend of mine suggested a cherry teat dummy and we didn't look back. As soon as I gave him the dummy he fell asleep and slept for ages. He gave it up of his own accord at 9 months old.

He is swaddled and we use a dummy. They help to settle him, but won't necessarily help him drop off or stay down.

My mum is coming over to look after him while I get some sleep todya, but that is not a long term solution.

ratfly, poor you, you sound quite miserable. It is normal for babies this young to wake so frequently in the night. I know that doesn't help if you're knackered but it does become more manageable. In terms of screaming, is there any way he has wind, colic, reflux or anything that is making him uncomfortable? Does he settle if you hold him, rock him etc and then wake when you put him down? If so, perhaps a soft sling would be a good idea for daytime use and then you can get on with stuff and he's comforted. For night time do you swaddle? Have you thought about co-sleeping? Both of those would give him a sense of comfort and co-sleeping does give you more sleep.

The evening meltdown is very common but they do grow out of it. My DD 7.5 months still has tears before bed time but nothing like she did when she was that age.

I would also advise you not to fight it. You sound like you're very vulnerable and I know from experience that the more you fight him to do what you want ie sleep on his own so you'll get a bit of a breather, the more stressful it becomes. Forget (easier said than done I know) housework etc etc and concentrate on getting some ZZZZ'z. When he's tired in the day just plonk yourself on the sofa, watch a bit of telly and let him fall asleep on you. Or if you're tired go to bed with him. I honestly found it much easier once I'd decided to not try so hard to do and be everything ( I also found around 14 week mark the hardest part so far. My DD is 7.5 months)

Lots of hugs to you, it is so hard but it will get easier. Tell yourself that and just give him lots of cuddles.(getting some for yourself at the same time)

Is he hungry? Collicky? Is it wind? Do you think he is in pain? Will he sleep if you have him in a sling?

I know how hard this is for you (been there not once but twice and it's what puts me off having more dc) and I hope you manage to resolve it soon. If you can sort it out now then I think you'll end up with a baby who sleeps well (unlike my 2 - I just fudged their sleeplessness and they still aren't great sleepers). I agree that a night nurse for 3 or 4 nights might be a good idea - even if it's just to give you a rest.

Poor you. Swaddling is great. I was going to suggest that.
He could be one of those babies who gets wound up/overstimulated by contact when he's tired
DD was a bit like this
Rather than waiting for 'signs of tiredness', try putting him down around 90 mins after he woke up. Any more than that, and he may be overtired and so much harder to settle.

When DD was that age, she would only sleep when held, usually for around 20 mins at a time, and she had us up 5/6 times most nights between 11-7 so I do sympathise. There is hope - she's now 7mo and a great sleeper so it will get better even if it doesn't seem that way now.

We tried a dummy (cherry teat) and it really helped as she would then go to sleep in her cot with it. Then once her sleep had settled down as she got older we ditched the dummy.

The other thing that I found helped was to put her down for a nap on our bed and have a nap next to her. She usually slept a little longer as when she first woke up, she was happy that Mummy was still there and she would go back to sleep - you say you sit by him to help him go back to sleep so maybe this would work for you too? It helps you cope better with the nights if you get to catch up on sleep in the day!

Okay, cross-posted so hadn't read about the dummy - sorry!

Does he have trouble feeding? Just a thought as poor sleeping can be a sign of reflux. If he seems uncomfortable feeding, arches his back, cries etc mention it to your hv or gp.

To be honest I think that amount of night-waking is normal for his age, but I know that doesn't make the sleep deprivation easier, I have huge sympathy for you! Have you tried swaddling (although he might be a bit old)? Is there any way he stay asleep, eg being cuddled by you? Ds was a poor napper and I used to have one nap a day that was a battle ground, the rest I let him sleep on me so we could both get some rest (although of course I couldn't sleep in case he fell off me . . .). Was worried about bad habits but he now (8 months) naps in his cot for 1.5hr at a time. Sorry can't think of anything else to try, maybe you can get someone to look after him for an hour just so you can get some sleep in the day?

Sorry x-posted about reflux and swaddling. Agree with sling idea, ds slept best of all in one when he was little.

You say your Mum's coming over to give you a bit of time off so you can catch up on your sleep. You're right that it's not a really long term solution I did it for quite a while and found it really helped when I was tired. My Mum or sister came over twice a week just for a couple of hours and I went to bed. It was a real life-saver.

Also, apart from anything else, it made me feel human having some adult company - sometimes I just had a chat and a cuppa instead of a sleep, to feel like a person again. I found this helped me cope better with the lack of sleep too!

that should have been 'it's not a long term solution BUT'. I'm a bit rubbish today!

I think I could bear with it if I could get some sleep while he sleeps in the day, but with such short naps I can't.

I will give the co0-sleeping in the daytime idea a go. He will go to sleep in a sling, but the thing is that I cant rest with a sling on. and if it stops moving he wakes.

I am glad to hear it does get better. Things like this are made so much worse when others say theirs are goinjg through already. I just want some rest!!
How do you go about hiring a night nurse?

you poor thing
try the cranial osteopath, seriously, it's not hideously expensive and it really, really helped DD. she used to get hysterically overtired too. I remember the excitement when she starting having 2 30-40 min naps a day and I used to rush around madly getting things done before she started yelling again...

My dd was a shocking sleeper for the first 6 months.during which I just seemed to be in a daze. I just couldn't do the cc stuff. we did a lot of co-sleeping and I turned off the doorbell so I was never in when peole came round (or the postman woke the baby grrr) that way I didn't have to worry about house being clean. It does get better we tried no end of stuff. but what seemed to make it better was giving in and trying not to worry and just accepting it wasn't going to be like this for ever. didn't give us any more sleep, but made it a lot less stressful for us. It does feel like you'll never get sleep ever again, but this isn't true.

Have you read any of the Sleep is for the Weak thread? It's always near the top of the 'Sleep' section. You might get some more ideas (and lots of sympathy!) on there?

Hang on in there! 14 weeks is usually quite a turning point. Babies stop being 'newborn' and start being happier to be out in the world. I found ds suddenly started sleeping better at around this mark, so maybe you're just about to see improvement.

All the earlier suggestions are great, too. I found that at about 14 weeks ds suddenly became more accommodating. I tried the Baby Whisperer's trick of putting him down after 2 yawns (but before 3) and he magically did sleep for short spells in his cot. All of a sudden the ironing got done and life seemed more manageable. Then, gradually, those short naps turned into 1.5 hour naps and I felt human again.

For the first 3 months of his life, ds would only fall asleep in someone's arms and would scream relentlessly all evening. I didn't have an easy child.

You poor thing - I really remember what its like with no sleep, I used to get really cross when people tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps but the baby doesn't actually sleep!! My DS hardly slept when he was little either - it definitely doesn't help when you hear from people whose babies apparently slept through the night after 6 weeks or something ridiculous!

Try and accept whatever help you can even if you just get an hour's naps in the day, it will help. Have you tried white noise - I still sometimes use it with my DS (now 8 months) - just put the radio on but tuned out so it makes the fuzzy swishy noise like in the womb, it seemed to help my DS stay asleep for a bit longer. My DS also slept for longer on his side for some reason - swaddle him and prop cushions either side of him so he stays on his side.

I know it seems a long way off but I promise it will get better, just do whatever you need to to get through this horrible bit, even if you have to leave him crying for a little bit just to calm yourself down.

Where do you live ratfly? I know of one really good night nanny agency but they cover London and out towards Southampton. I'm sure there are loads of others around though - I'd be happy to look for you.

Another good thing about a night nanny is that they will have seen loads of babies and might be able to identify if there's a 'problem' (ie colic) or if your ds is 'just' going through a phase. I wish I'd used one early with both of mine - it would have helped us enourmously.

thanks for all of your messages of support.

would you believe it. Mum came over. I went to bed at 11, with instructions abouthow to get baby off to sleep. He only went and slept for 2 HOURS!!!!! How did mum do it!

I think we nbeed to do sleep training. Iwill reread BW and nocry sleep solution.

piglit - I am near Thetford. do you think it's too far away?