Help!

[deptfordgirl]

Okay there are a few issues here but they do all relate to my ds's sleep so any advice would be wonderful!

My ds is 20 months and I am expecting dc 2 in a couple of months. Ds has always been a bad sleeper, so much so that we paid for a sleep consultant at 6 months and sleep trained him with their advice. This worked to some extent but he still didn't sleep through until 14 months when I weaned him from breastfeeding. For a few months he was going to bed at 7pm, falling asleep himself and waking around 5am which I could handle and was far better than before.

However a couple of months ago he was very poorly and I got into the habit of bringing him into our bed when he woke as it was the only thing that stopped him crying hysterically. Since then he has woken to come into our bed every night, he falls asleep instantly and sleeps well but I dont, particularly as he wants to be snuggled up next to me all night.

Because I'm so sleep deprived and worried about the arrival of dc2 I have been trying to sleep train him back into his cot using the gradual withdrawal methods of the sleep consultant. The other night he was crying for over 2 hours with me going in frequently to comfort. He will go to sleep at 7 no problem but is now waking around 10pm or sometimes earlier.

Today my neighbour came around to complain. She implied I was being neglectful and said I needed support with the insinuation she would call ss. She said it is affecting her work and her daughter's school work. I cried for over an hour when she left as I just don't know what to do. I have bought a sidecot for the new baby but don't know how I'll manage with 2 in our room. Do I just admit defeat and co sleep? How can I possibly do it with 2? Do I continue sleep training and have complaints made about me? Please help!!

Sorry I did paragraph that but they seem to have disappeared as am on the app.

Are you by yourself? If not could your DP cosleep with the toddler? That’s our current plan with our 16 month old (baby due in a month). Currently we do alternate nights

No not by myself. The only thing is that ds is being incredibly clingy with me at the moment. When I go and get him from his cot he is fine but when dh does he screams and calls for me. Also when he's in our bed he will cuddle into me and if I want to turn over he will cry even if dh hugs him instead.

I would start doing bedtime as a couple, with both of you doing it all together. The longer term view being Dad does bedtime on his own.

What worked for vary again 6 months mahogany not work at 20 months.

The basic premise to sleep training needs to be that there is no option than to go to sleep in the cot. How you achieve that depends on your and babys crying tolerance. What you are doing is Controlled Crying, it's very different to Gradual Withdrawal (which involves staying with baby comforting him).

Have a search for a mumsnet thread called "What worked for us". It's got a method that may work.

So fate you think we should go ahead with sleep training? When he wakes in the night the only thing at the moment which stops him crying is coming with us. I was prepared to cope with some crying as knew it wouldn't be long before he knew that he had no choice but the cot but with the neighbours complaints I feel so anxious about this.

Well, you're asking me personally there. While I would aim to help my baby learn to sleep independantly in the cot, I wouldn't want my baby crying. I also wouldn't advise anyone else to let baby cry for that long, or left baby crying alone. But that's just my personal opinion.

That sounds too good to be true. I'll take a look at that thread you suggested for ideas. I would love to get him into his cot with no or minimal crying but seems to be impossible at the moment.

Do you think it would work if I stayed at my parents for a while and got him to sleep in a cot there (no worries about crying there). Would it the work here or not? Just don't know what to do.

I'm in a similar position (thankfully without being pregnant!) - a long bout of illness totally undid all the work we'd done with our DDs sleep training and if it's my husband going in there's hysterics. I would definitely try the training again - how about the in-out every 2 mins so he's not being left? He knows how to sleep through and needs to be re-set! Unfortunately it sounds as though there's an element of separation anxiety and the fact that your pregnant rolled In to this. I was planning to wait until the xmas holidays to re-train to minimise the disruption to my older DS sleep. How about speaking to your neighbour, ask her when her DD finishes for xmas and warn them what you plan to do and that there may be crying but you aren't leaving your DS to cry? I think it was really unfair of her to speak to you like that - surely she remembers what it was like? for you.