Mum who cant sleep-any suggestions that work

[wheezie]

I dont know if i hvae PND or if its a severe lack of sleep making me feel unable to cope but i find myself crying from the sheer exhaustion of it all and yet i still cant sleep.

I have a 3 yr old son who is v active and strong-willed (arent they all). then a 9 week old baby who to me is quite unsettled. He will sleep for a grand total of 5 hrs and then another 3 if i am lucky and thats it for the night. At 3 weeks he was regularly doing 7 1/2 hr stretches but overnight has just resorted to 5 hrs and i swear u could set your clock by him. The problem is i get up to feed him and settle him (he is breastfed) but then i will lie awake for hours. LAst night i was awake from 2.30 till 6am. Fortunately my 3 yr old doesnt get up till 7.30 so i managed to get a bit more sleep. But i cant cope on so little. i am exhausted and just live for the moments when my toddler has a full day at nursery (thurs) and i can catch up. although it never is. My partner is out from 7-7. I feel a complete failure and so useless. My other son was such a good sleeper at that age which makes it all so difficult. i cant take anyhting as i am determined to stick with breast feeding but i still feel so low. Pls if anyone has any suggestions or has experienced similar pls let me know.

Wheezie

I remember this so well so can really sympathise. I used to feed dd at around 4am and then couldn't for he life of me go back to sleep. Ds (2.6) then woke at 6am so I was basically awake everyday at 4am.
The only thing that kept me sane was dh helping a lot in the evenings. I used to go to bed at 9pm despite it meaning we had no time togther. I would get up for feeds but he would do the whole cranky, unsettled nightmare evening bit.
You have to do anything to make this time more bearable. Some people actually get up and start thje day justto feel normal, put Tv on etc. Take any offers of hep you can get - can mum/mil come and stay?
Can you aaford to put ds in nursery a little bit more? Just for a while?
And above everything else remember it's just a phase....

I see you have 2 post going, so you must be so fed up.

I can't offer much advise as mine are both past that stage, but looking back, if felt like you when I had my dd2.

There is another thread which may have some support which I have noticed on mn here

It does get better. Can your partner let you sleep in late at least on day of the weekend?

dont lie in bed, get up and do something, go downstairs and read a book, do a crossword, have some horlicks and watch the telly, anything other than lying in bed staring at the ceiling

can you get some sleep in the afternoons? does your 3yr old go to nursery at all? at 3 yrs he should be entitled to a funded place, maybe he could go for a couple of hours in the afternoon while the baby sleeps and you could get some sleep too

at this stage you dont necessarily get all your sleep at night, and IT WILL PASS

best of luck x

for some reason if i couldnt sleep in bed at night i would take a blanket downstairs and sleep on the couch, crap telly on, or even a dvd

hth

np - if I culdn't sleep I used to send dh downstairs to sleep on the couch cos his snoring and sleeping body next to me annoyed the hell out of me... lol

Thanks so much for the suggestions. My partner is already in another room due to his snoring. I know it will get better but i just feel we have gone backwards as he was sleeping longer. I keep taking it out on my partner so much and start to resent him for it all whne he has done nothing wrong. he does help when around. My little boy has 4 sessions at nursery and i try anyhting to get my baby to sleep whilst my son there. But often i am left with just over hour be4 i collect him again. Parents are miles away and feel am admitting defeat. With my firstnborn he was so good at sleep and feel sure my family thought i was gloating at how well he slept. they know i having hard time and are like oh you were just lucky with thomas. i just feel i have no life, the weather is gorgeous and i just been in all day trying to grab sleep. Want to do stuff but feel physically drained. how do u survive on 5 hrs a night broken up every night for months on end. Even maggie thatcher got her 5 hrs in one stretch am sure.

It will get better. Would you dp take your older child out for the dat at the weekend? That helped me when my dd was a newborn, we just stayed in bed together for the day while dh and ds were at the science museum.

I can totally symathise with you, my dd is 6 months and is so unsettled at night, she was up every 2 hours every night for over 1 month, it was dreadful, I am feeling totally run down at the mo and although she is sleeping better my body clock is all screwed up so am lying in bed clock watching from around 12 to 4.30am, she then can get up anywhere from 5.30am to 6.30am but my DH will take her for hour or 2 until he has to go to work at 7.30am. I am just hoping that body clock with adjust as her sleep improves . It is just a suggestion but would you consider topping you lo up with formula before bed, for just for a week or so to see if you can sync up your body clock again hopefully sleep when he sleeps, I know it isn't ideal but it is just a suggestion as you sound so desperate!

Alcohol. Seriously, if I need to get to sleep quickly, I will down a quick half a glass or glass of wine, just to daze me a bit. Obviously I don't drink any more than that because I want to be alert if any of them wake (plus I don't want a hangover in the morning).

Or maybe something like hypnotherapy where you can be taught proper relaxation?

PS: don't panic about only getting 5 broken hours a night. I used to start the day feeling stressed about it, now I just accept it's going to happen and have adjusted my expectations. I feel so much better for it.

Remember it is short term. If this is your last baby, just remember you'll never have to go through this again.

Completely sympathise with you, its awful not being able to sleep especially when you most need it. We have an apneoa alarm for DS due to previous cot death so every night seems like forever to me - listening for the constant tick of the alarm and for the sound of him breathing. Someone once told me to breath in for 7 counts and out for 11, this calms you down and relaxes you. And it does work!!! It at least makes you relaxed enough to rest, and gets me to sleep. Try it!!

Hi!
I totally sympathise as have had this loads recently, lieing awake waiting for my baby to wake up or not being able to get back to sleep after the night feed! the HV told me it is very normal for new mums to be like this...not much consolation though when you're lieing awake at 4am with another long day stretching ahead!

i'd love 5 hours broken sleep! i'm lucky if i get 3 hours broken sleep at night!!!!

are you getting physical exercise during the day? I find going for long walks helps relax me and I sleep better at night.

I've had three years of rarly more then 3 hours sleep at a time - and you do get used to it. I learnt how to fall asleep at will.