17 month old bedtime problems!

[YouAndMeAreGoingToFallOut]

I'm struggling with my 17 month old DD at bedtime.

Until recently, we would have tea at about 1815, bath at about 1845-1915, then pyjamas, story, lullaby and breastfeed in her room with a red light and white noise. She would usually feed to sleep (not ideal I know!) and then go into the cot asleep by about 2000.

Now, she no longer feeds to sleep and so getting her down is a nightmare. If I put her into her cot awake, she seems to witter happily to herself for a while, and then eventually start crying. Only cuddling her to sleep works, and then she doesn't fall asleep until 9pm.

I guess I made a rod for my own back by not helping her to learn to fall asleep by herself, and now I have no idea how to do it. She must be able to manage it to some extent, as once she's down she mostly sleeps through the night, so she must be managing any minor wake ups on her own.

Any suggestions? I don't want to do it by controlled crying - there must be another way!

Whatever process you use is likely to involve some crying (because if the rod for your back I am afraid). But that doesn't mean leaving baby crying unattended. You could stay gym Fortingall through the crying, while insisting that due goes you sleep in the cot.

But it's unrealistic to expect you go from where you are now to independent settling without crying unless you swap to cosleeping or wait a few years.

You could stay comforting* through the crying... (autocorrect gone mad on my new phone!)

Yes I can accept there will be crying (there already is crying!) I just don't want a method where I leave her crying, iyswim.

I guess I'm just not sure what to do. If I keep putting her in the cot and lying her down over and over again until she falls asleep, however upset she gets? Do I stay with her until she falls asleep, or leave the room and then return if/when she does get upset? I feel like I need a strategy, even if it's a long haul one!

If she's refusing you lie down in the cot, then that's where you need you start. Your expectations needs to be "you must lie down quietly in order to go to sleep" (which you could keep repeating to her over and over again).

You are not insisting she goes to sleep. But you are insisting that she has no option but to (a) lie down and (b) be quiet.

So if she'll lie down and be quiet without you there, fine to leave. If she refuses to follow either (so sits/stands up or starts shouting/crying), then you need you be by the cot.

Don't physically lie her down. Put her in the got standing and tap the mattress, tell her to lie down. She needs you be doing this herself.

One lying, I would place my hand on her chest/back to settle her. If she fights against your hand then id remove it and tap the mattress again to get her to lie down and settle. Over and over again. Eventually until she settles and stays lying down.

Then use your reassuring hand-on-chest to calm and noise. Slight tapping of thr hand to calm her. Then remove your hand and wait stood by the cot when calm. If she makes noise, hand back until calm. If she's happy for you to leave, great. If not, just wait.

I forgot to add - maybe get her a special toy or comforter of some kind, to snuggle.

Thanks!

Watching this thread like a hawk! Have v similar situations with my 17mo, except I hold her hand till she falls asleep, sometimes for up to 1 hour, we co-sleep and haven't BF -ed since the summer

No opportunity to try this out last night - DD wasn't feeling well and fell asleep on the breast. Will see what tonight brings!