6mo awake for 2 HOURS in the middle of the night

[tomatoandcheese2009]

Just when you think you know what you are doing... it all goes tits up again.

DD turned 6 months yesterday. Sleep has been up and down, but mostly good. She started sleeping through most nights from about 18 weeks, as long as I got enough calories into her during the day. That got disrupted by various colds (I have a 3 yr old too) but when well she was mostly sleeping through or waking very briefly, crying out once, and then going back to sleep again a few times a night. She sucks her thumb and so goes to sleep by herself.

She had a bad cold a couple of weeks ago and was struggling to sleep, so I ended up taking her into bed with me a few nights at around 3 (having already fed her and tried other settling methods). This seems to have created some unwanted associations and now she often is waking up sometime between 1 and 3 and being awake for 2 hours or more. She finds her thumb but doesn't go back to sleep with it, so we get short bursts of crying, followed by thumb sucking, followed by more crying. Feeding her or not feeding her makes no difference. If I take her into bed with me she'll go to sleep within 10 minutes, but if I don't nothing else seems to settle her.

I don't want to co-sleep, so what can I do to change this? It doesn't seem to be hunger as feeding her makes no difference. It is also not every night - some nights she sleeps 7-5 (which is brilliant I know). So I'm left with a choice of it being caused by

1. separation anxiety (although she sleeps in a cot right next to the bed)
2. not being able to self settle (though she obviously can some nights
3. daytime sleep needs adjusting (currently 3 or 4 naps, usually 45 mins although an occasional 2 hour one sneaks in there. Total around 3-3.5 hrs)
4. have created unwanted sleep association which needs breaking (how?)

Help!

Don’t worry this happened to us at 6 months! Didn’t last long - wait it out x

Really? That's a relief. What did you do in the meantime?

It happened to me at 4 months, 6 months and now it's happening again at 9 months!! Babies sleep constantly changes when their having developmental leaps and growth spurts. As long as your baby isn't hungry when waking there's nothing much you can do but go with it and it'll pass. They can wake for so many reasons and need comfort. It could be a part of teething and possibly baby wanting comfort in your bed? DS still comes in our bed now when he gets upset... I just transfer him to his bed once he's asleep again as I would be scared to co sleep and not starting bad habits like that. Way I look at it as older they get the less comfort on night they'll need. 6 months is still so tiny.

is*

Thanks Bella. Whenever I transfer her back she wakes 45 minutes later and presumably goes 'what the hell? This isn't where I went to sleep'. Then it's 50/50 if she will go back down with her thumb or will have to come back in with us

tomatoandcheese2009 It sounds like your little one is not connecting her sleep cycles. My little ones used to be like that and cat napped in the day too. It got better at exactly 6.5 months when we moved him in his own room (he had been having his daytime naps only up until that point). I found I was disturbing him if I got up to go to bathroom and he was waking. Fingers crossed it gets better for you a round that time as well. I really feel for you as the sleep issues are the worst. DS was a terrible sleeper and would wake multiple times in night and not sleep more than 30-45 minutes in day. Now he's 9 months he sleeps through some whole nights (no 2 night are the same but he's only up maybe once or twice at most).

one*

Ds also has transitioned to 2 naps of 1 and hal to 2 hours each! So it does get better

daytime *

1) separation anxiety (although she sleeps in a cot right next to the bed)

Assuming you try incognito comforting it can't be this because you are right there. If baby is used to being cuddled to sleep (as in used to be but isn't anymore) then it could be that.

2) not being able to self settle (though she obviously can some nights

I think it's this. You are likely you need a "ladder" of comforting mechanisms. It might be that when sleep conditions are just right, then a quick comfort suck is all that's needed. But the level of comfort needed may be on a scale depending on loads of factors.

If all you have as effective ways to comfort baby is (a) leave baby to sort self out, or (b) cosleep - then that's your reason. On the times (and there will be MANY) that baby needs extra help, you need several different ways you comfort baby that are effective. If none of your alternate settling methods are effective, you'll end up jumping straight to cosleep (which would be the very top if my ladder, after at least 10 other settling methods that usually work).

3) daytime sleep needs adjusting (currently 3 or 4 naps, usually 45 mins although an occasional 2 hour one sneaks in there. Total around 3-3.5 hrs)

Could be this too. Keep on actively trying to resettle the first two naps to extend them. 6 months is about average for extending naps and moving to a 3 nap day by the clock routine.

4) have created unwanted sleep association which needs breaking (how?)

As mentioned above, I think it's that you have no lesser methods if settling that are effective. Some ideas:

• dummy
• remove one side off the cot and cuddle in your the cot to settle baby whilst in the city
• lean over side of the cot and pat, stroke, hand on chest, whatever method works for you. Be consistent.

I'm in a breastfeeding support group on Facebook and see a lot of mums complaining that the 6 month mark often creates problems sleeping and/or an increase in night feeds (even in babies who had previously stopped feeding at night). I assume it's therefore a developmental leap or growth spurt so hopefully it will pass! My baby is only 5 months and a terrible sleeper so god help me if it gets any worse.

Thanks FateDestiny, was hoping you would pop by

I think you are likely right since she struggles with naps too but am at a slight loss what else to try to get her back down. Co sleeping comes last on my list too and I wouldn't have gone there if anything else was working.

She will no longer take a dummy since finding her thumb. Already has a comforter. We've been following the Baby Whisperer since birth but sush pat only very occasionally works these days (we end up co sleeping after 1.5 hrs plus of sush patting and a feed hasn't worked). Cot side sadly non removable though this might be the best option. Can't really afford a new cot! White noise machine no longer works. Wave app on phone did once but not again. Could try rocking perhaps... Any other ideas?!? Or do I just keep sush patting until either she falls asleep or morning comes? (can't be more than 3 hours right? She only manages 2 during the day!)

DH works nights and so sleeps days and I have a 3yr old DS so catch up sleep is hard to come by. I'd find it easier to commit to sush pat or similar if I had a guarantee that matters would improve but obviously no one can give me that! Co sleeping never helped my son so I've never had to find the strength to resist it before...

*shush that should say (several times)

Why not just take her into bed with you when she wakes? I did with both of mine until they passed this phase. They always started the night in their own bed then came in with me eventually.
They are 5&3 now and have been in their own beds in their own rooms since they turned 12 months. Those co-sleeping nights are a distant memory.. I sort of miss the snuggles!
This is only as stressful as you mke it

Removing the cot side sounds unsafe to me. A 6mo is mobile, could get stuck between the bed and the cot in the night, try to crawl over to you etc.

Could she be teething?

If not teething, it sounds like she just has a strong desire to be close to you. I have no suggestions apart from co sleeping. It was the only thing that worked for us but obviously isn't for everyone.

At least with a younger child you know that this phase will be over soon! Good luck.

Thanks Oly. I do agree that it would be easier in the short term. However dh (once back from work at around 2) is an extremely heavy but movable sleeper. He's rolled onto me in the night before many times and both of us fear he would crush her. We also have no spare room. So to co sleep safely I have to move to our sofa bed and I find it very painful to sleep on it for long in one position (but can't work out how to move comfortably without disturbing her). As an occasional thing when she's sick it's fine but not a viable long term option much as I enjoy the cuddles

Thanks Thermo. No sign of teeth as yet but she has been in a wonder week (due to end tomorrow so fingers crossed)

Ah, yes. I’d be reluctant to co sleep in those circumstances. I was thinking more of your DH sleeping elsewhere and you and the baby sharing a bed! I do just think all babies go through this.. it’s nithinng you’ve done wrong and faffing with schedules, naps and “sleep associations” etc might only make limited difference. Hence why I co-slept... just to see them through that phase and onto the next one.
Hope you find a solution!

If only we had a spare room (bloody London)

Cot side sadly non removable though this might be the best option. Can't really afford a new cot!

Second hand cot? Or cheap IKEA cot? Anything flat pack will work 3-sided if you want to go down this route.

we get short bursts of crying, followed by thumb sucking, followed by more crying

Could you lean over the cot and hold her thumb in? If sucking comforts her, the issues to overcome are:

• flaying arms (common at this kind of developmental age) preventing thumb sucking
• growing fingers/mouth meaning that the vacuume suction is less satisfying than it was
• lack of fine motor skills to control movements to keep hand where it is needed
• as muscles relax in the early stages of light sleep, hand drops before baby has got further sucked into a deep sleep.

Really, a dummy is a million times better than the thumb.

But if a dummy ysnh possible, you need to find a way to help and facilitate baby to thumb suck right through to a deep sleep. That may well require active, hands-on presence leaning into the cot until fully asleep. You may need to hold baby's hand in a specific position, and stay you keep it there through relaxing, through light sleep until in your deep sleeping. At this age, thumb (and dummy) sucking is not usually independent. It will need significant help.

Never even thought of trying to hold her thumb in. Been spoilt by DS who was a terrible sleeper until he found his thumb at 18 weeks at which point he started sleeping through the night and doing g two hour naps. Assumed it would be the same fir her but clearly not! Anyway, off to bed. Wish me luck!