Co-sleeping stories

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My DS is 10mo and from 6mo we put him to sleep in his own cot in his own room. At some point during the night he wakes and we bring him into our bed. We never made a conscious decision to co-sleep, it just happened naturally. DS sleeps better, DP and I sleep better and we're all happy with the set up. Despite this we get lots of negative comments, MIL especially likes to point out that at best we'll live to regret it as DS won't ever sleep alone again and at worst, it's tantamount to child neglect as we could kill DS .

I just don't understand why all the negativity about co-sleeping in the UK. I'd love to hear how other co-sleeping parents have got on. How long did you co-sleep for and how did the transition to their own bed go?

DS is six weeks old and sleeps through the night when we co sleep but not in his own crib. I couldn't recommend it more tbh!

Mrsfilm I agree with the pp that transitioning from cosleeping to independent sleeping does not have to be a painful process. It might not be quick, but it can certainly be done without tears.

I think a mattress on the floor is a great idea. Spend a couple of months cosleeping on that and then when she's a bit older, gradually start to escape a bit more and go back in to cosleep if she wakes.

I actually think cosleeping is a really good form of 'sleep training' in a lot of ways because you're teaching them that to sleep, they need to lie still in their bed in a dark room, warm and cosy with a source of comfort. Obviously that source of comfort needs to gradually be changed from Mum to a teddy or whatever but that can be done!

It's natural (you never see kittens and puppies put in separate rooms from birth fgs.) I'm 66 and co slept with my 3 . DH has always had his own bedroom , he snores and still wakes me more than the babies did!

I had the cot next to the kingsize bed , one side down with the other three sides up. Luckily they weren't squirmers!! It all worked well. TBH I didn't and don't give a shxx what any one else thought!

Coslept fully from 6 weeks to 6 months, then transferred to the cot and coslept like you are (from the nightfeed until the morning) until cca 12 mo. Followed WHO guidelines for safe cosleeping. Now DS is in his own room in his own cot, and only comes to us when he is ill. He is actually happier on his own now - when we have to share eg when traveling, he doesn't sleep as deeply and wakes up much more.

I have zero regrets about it. This happened naturally for us, and ended naturally, and at every point we were doing what DS needed and what we needed to get some sleep.

Every older female relative (and some male relatives, which pissed me off particularly) has been moaning about it however. We have heard such a barrage of uninformed patronising crap that I have seriously considered stopping contact with those relatives as every conversation would descend into a lost of things I am doing wrong (never DH). I heard that I am making a rod for my own back, that he'll be with us in bed until he goes to uni, that I'm harming my DH by not letting him sleep, that I'm endangering my DS by allowing him to share a bed with his Dad, that I'm spoiling him by allowing him to BF on demand and that I should introduce a strict feeding schedule, and that I should fill him with formula and baby rice, plop him in the cot and let him cry it out.

The most generous view I can take towards this is that these people's come from a different generation, and are often very misinformed. This is how they were told to raise their kids, and the kids grew up without obvious damage, so it must be right.

I still have to learn to nod and smile rather than roll my eyes or argue.

Broccoli It depends very much on which generation and what type of person. My mil (born in 1909) told me I was a good mum but her friends told me I was 'spoiling' my dcs by picking them when they were upset and unable to settle in a strange house and bed fgs!!!

There was a book written by a lunatic man in 1930 which told mothers to NEVER breast feed on demand . (also to wait exactly 4 hours between feeds). And "Baby must be in his own room". Some mums used to way outside their dcs' room with milk running down their clothes crying with their dcs till the 4 hours was up.

Sorry 'wait' outside their babies' rooms.

ppeat My Mum is a similar age to you and claims she followed all the 'gentle' advice of the time and never did any of the strict routine things but she was one of the worst about me cosleeping with DD. She stopped after many many months and always remarks at how I never seemed as tired as I should have been and she hasn't said anything about it now I cosleep with DS, but I really wonder what this gentle advice was that she claims she followed. But then she also did controlled crying with my brother at 6 weeks so I'm really not sure she was as 'gentle' as she likes to remember she was!

*6 months not 6 weeks!! She wasn't that cruel!!!

ppeatfruit - That's so sad!!

Weird teaandbiscuits never seemed as tired as I should have been What Sounds like she was jealous

That is the reason why I did it, it's right for the mum AND the baby.

This is one of those subjects which bring up bile in some judgmental people. Co-slept with both of my children, as it was the only way for us to get any sleep. My older son is severely autistic, and has a sleep disorder as part of the condition.
I remember when a senior child psychiatrist was admonishing me for co-sleeping with then my 4-year-old child, saying that if we continue in that fashion, he would be still sleeping with us when he's 10. Well, he did not, and she was wrong.
When I told her that in many cultures the whole family sleeps in the same space, she was almost apoplectic, saying that "we live in a civilised country". Let's just say, my reply wasn't polite. I also refused to ever deal with her.
Do whatever works for you and your child, do not feel pressured by outsiders.

I remember reading about this guy from the 1930s! I’m sure he said there should be a limit on cuddle times as well, leaving baby in the pram outside for hours during the day! That even is that madness about?

ppeat Very accurate! Also the guilt of doing CC with my brother I suspect. I asked her why she never coslept with him and she said the Midwife never told her to I think having the internet and being able to find research, evidence and like minded people does make it a lot easier for current parents on that respect.

Enjoy co sleeping with your DS and ignore the negative comments. I did ; DD is nearly 2 and quite independent and sociable like mummy :). I'm sure she won't want to sleep with me forever, I can barely get her to sit still for cuddles on some days ha!

Co sleeping has few risks like everything in life just be careful to manage them. Also always wedge pillow beside the baby on the other side if DH is not there already so baby doesn't roll over and fall.

Fortheloveof Yes I remember, his name was Dr. Truby King . Strange that everyone decided to listen to his rules . Because the 4 hourly rule was based on his research into FORMULA FED babies, not breast fed, he probably disapproved of it!

In the Edwardian times they knew that babies who were 'properly' breast fed should be fed when they were hungry. Funny how fashions go in circles and something as basic as bf and co - sleeping should be seen as a fashion at all!

I just read relevant books! teaandbiscuits Even now because I find that a lot of stuff on google is slanted. ( i try not to take everything at face value)

@ppeatfruit yes that’s it! Apparently you feed 4 hourly and ignore all other cries for subsistence. Just seems beyond cruel

Yeah it is beyond strange. But thinking about it when my gran had mum she said that no one she knew breastfed at all. She proceeded to then ask me when I was putting DS on proper milk and stopping all this. I’ve nothing against formula just can’t understand how she would think it’s more proper than mine!

The whole ‘proper milk’ is my favourite thing 😂 our own human milk isn’t proper, it’s only proper when it comes from another species!

I co slept with both my dc ddfrom birth not by choice but bc she would never settle in her cot and I just ended up feeding her to sleep and me falling asleep. We then just kept it going till she was 10months by then she was rolling around a lot keeping me and DP awake most nights we then sleep trained her by controlled crying having the cot in our room and not leaving her till she fell asleep at 10months. It worked well with her however DS is now 2 and has only been sleep trained this week by DP. (He’s been in a bed with me from birth and DP got sick of me and him having separate rooms it was not good for our relationship. He’s now sleeping alone and is doing great. I’m now pregnant with dc3 and I’m going to try to not co sleep this time as I feel like it would be nice for everyone to just have their own space and I am going to try a Moses basket as dc1 and 2 used a co sleeping cot that didn’t work.

Co slept/sleeping with all three of mine. DD6 DS2 and DS9months. No problems getting the older two into their beds.

Was the only way to survive in little sleep.

Currently co-sleeping with DS2 10m this thread gives me home that in the future he will sleep in his own room all night. For now as long as we all sleep somewhere that is ok with me x

I co-slept with ds until he was just over a year old. He is 2 now and was back in my bed a few weeks ago because he was sick. It was quite upsetting seeing him so unwell but there was something lovely about him sleeping with his face pressed into mine and his little arms clamped around my neck periodically coughing into my face all through the night. I hadn't realised how much I had missed co-sleeping. And how magical it is that when he is sick and distressed he can still manage to sleep if he is cuddled into his mummy!

Co slept from the start with dc1 until he was 2. We then moved him to a toddler bed in his room and dh sleeps on a mattress on the floor next to him. We only moved him out as dc2 was coming along. 1.5 yrs later and no change except dc1 is now also on the double mattress next to daddy!

I thought co sleeping was fab til dc2, when i realised that ebf and cosleeping dont guarantee a good sleeper. He still wakes x2 per night and is such a light sleeper that i often unsettle him when i go to bed. But i wouldn't swap it - at least i dont have to get up in the night!

I do miss dp sometimes - ideally we'd have a bed big enough for 4 - but set up works best for us. Hoping both dc will gravitate to wanting to sleep alone at some point though!

Co sleeping with my almost 4 year old, have done since birth.
DH works away all week so it's been easier.
DS falls asleep either by himself or after 5 minutes snuggle and stays on his own in my bed until I go up to bed 4-5 hours later. He sleeps 11-13 hours a night. Tbh I'm not risking these hours for anyone's opinions 😁

forthelove and crazylady Ref. 'proper milk' sil said when she just had her baby , a woman in the bed opposite saw her breast feeding and said proudly "My baby's a Cow And Gate baby" the power of advertising is extraordinary!!!!

If breast milk were advertised like Coca Coxx (i hate cookies if I put the name in full!!! ) imagine how popular it would be!

People will drink things that are plain poison if they're advertised enough!!!! Sorry for the rant but it pees me off