Ferber Naps

[Cariad1988]

Hi

I started Ferber training with my 9mo DD last night. Actually went really well which was great as we were co-sleeping before. I had to stop CS as I get bad migraines and I need to get up and use oxygen etc and I was disturbing DD and it was stopping me stopping the migraine quickly before it ruined the whole day. Anyway I have been reading experiences with Ferber naps and they sound bad, I don't mind soothing her for naps but I don't want to undo the good work I'm doing at night. Any experiences or advice for me? TIA

I don't believe in the Ferber method at all. You baby is still so young and needs love comfort and reassurance you're there. I. could never not pick my baby up when he needs it... please don't follow Ferber.

9months is a rough age, I am going through the same - there are lots of things happening with their development at this age, plus they go through separation anxiety - I wouldn’t ever use Ferber to be honest as I think it’s cruel. But I do appreciate you have a very unique situation. Will your babe go in a cot? Can you put her down asleep in the cot? I am currently surviving the 9 month sleep regression by going to bed early. It’s exhasiting!

for you x

She actually went to sleep after 5 minutes and barely woke all night so something is working. She is happy today and just wanted some advice on naps but thanks anyway x

I sleep trained my daughter with a sleep consultant using PUPD and she advised me to use the same method for all sleeps (night and naps). I have however read other posters on here say that they sleep trained for nights and continued as they previously were for naps.

I was told to be absolutely consistent as if you give in, they learn how long and hard they need to cry before they get what they want. They then cry that much more the next time to try get you to stop. I feel thats not fair for either of you.

Your child is an appropriate age for Ferber if you choose to train that way and I don't believe it is cruel - co-sleeping is clearly not working for either of you and resulting in poor quality of sleep for your child (as well as for you). Continuing something that is disrupting her sleep is cruel as you know she needs the sleep and would sleep better another way.

@riddles26 yes your right, co sleeping was a life saver in the early days and I loved it but it became unrealistic. I did so much research and looked at no cry solutions which only created more crying ironically. I was so unsure about Ferber but she slept uninterrupted way longer than in the bed with me. How were naps for you at the start?

Naps were my issue from the beginning which made me resort to using a sleep consultant. My one refused to nap at all from around 2 months old (and napped very little before that too). I tried to go with the flow as she slept through the night from around the same age but it was really tough as she got grumpier as the day went on. When 4 month regression hit and night sleep fell apart, I really struggled and resorted to the sleep consultant at 5.5 months.

I established the same settling method for all sleeps from the moment we started sleep training, it was up and down for the first week, but we didn't have intense tears thankfully - mainly whinging. Within a week, she was settling herself for all of them and sleeping decent amounts. Consistency was the key though and I can see that clearly with hindsight.

Does your daytime routine allow enough sleep for her? Don't waiver based on others' opinions (and you will get a lot of them on here) - changing your mind and intermittently not using Ferber is much crueller than using it consistently to get your baby sleeping. You should have results within 3 days and she may have one last protest at day 5/6. After that, you definitely should have cracked it.

She is now 12 months and has had multiple bouts of illness and teething over the past 4 months. When she is unwell, she wants me in the room while she falls asleep but the good habits and associations from sleep training means she goes to sleep.

Most methods will involve crying as they are going to resist. When you pick your technique, it’s more about where you want to be when they protest and cry - you can be with them (PUPD/gradual withdrawal) or in another room, coming in intermittently so they know they haven’t been abandoned (Ferber).

Pick the one that suits your baby’s personality the best. Going in and coming out again wouldn’t work with my daughter as she would get more annoyed with me for coming in and leaving her again however it may work brilliantly for yours.

riddles26 That's exactly like my son. The shush pat method and going in never worked as he would get more and more worked up. The fastest way for DS is to whip him straight up being him on mine and DH's bed then he's comforted and falls back asleep in no time with no screaming match and I transfer him back to his cot where he sleeps most of the night. It's not ideal but works best for our son and saves lots of tears...

bring him in*

Unfortunately that didn’t work for us :( and the very few times she did fall asleep with/on me, she would wake the second I moved so I couldn’t even contemplate transferring her (nor could I move a muscle if in bed with her). She still doesn’t transfer when asleep at 1 year - wakes up the minute I enter the room.

I genuinely tried absolutely everything before resorting to a sleep consultant (you will probably find my old thread somewhere on here too).

With hindsight, my biggest mistake was not persevering with sleep harder when she was tiny - so many people say how they wish they had just relaxed and not read any books/tried routines etc so I decided to do just that and she would sleep when tired. She didn’t. She resisted sleep and I interpreted that as her not being ready to sleep yet. What I should have done is persisted longer with getting her to sleep.

Anyway, co-sleeping isn’t an option for op so if her baby is going to cry, it’s best to have that for absolute minimum timeframe (whilst also knowing that Mum is around but they have to sleep) to get them sleeping in a way that works for her family

riddles26 That must have been so hard on you. Even though DS has developed an unhealthy habit I admit it works. He falls asleep on sofa next to me for both his daytime naps, i transfer him to his cot and he sleeps well 1.5-2 hours per nap and sometimes longer. Then at nighttime he has bath, teeth cleaned, pjs & sleep bag on and lays inbetween me and DH inbetween our pillows until he falls asleep then i transfer him to his cot. There's been nights where he slept right through and nights where he hasn't and may wake up once or twice and I bring him in bed he falls asleep and I put him back.
I do wish i could put him straight on his bed though as it can mean very early bedtime for me and DH or having to pretend then go back downstairs but we're so tired we end up just watching tv in bed most of the time...

in+

It was really tough. And I still feel guilty about her not getting enough sleep when little because the difference in her mood was unbelievable after we sleep trained - I had a happy baby all day. Her growth also accelerated from that point on so her development was affected because she wasn’t getting enough sleep.

I’m not sure how old your one is but if little, I would probably keep doing what you are doing if you are happy with it as he is getting enough sleep and at the appropriate times. You can consider intervention if you really want him to fall asleep in his cot, depends how much it bothers you. I feel path of least resistance is easiest when small, then you can work on habits when around 12-18 months old and they understand a bit more.

Thanks riddles26 DS is 8.5 months. Awww don't feel guilty I know it's hard but you weren't to know and you were doing the best you though for your baby at the time. Exactly we aren't that bothered by it; in an ideal world I'd like him to fall asleep in his cot but I realise this stage isn't forever and what ever makes life easier at the moment. Like you say the most important thing is little one is getting enough sleep and growing well and he's growing like a weed. I agree to work on it at 12-18 months when he understands more. Thank you for your reply; it's nice to get an outside perspective on it.