10-yr old who won't sleep

[MrsWhirly]

My 10yr old DD hasn't slept on her own since she was three. I haven't had one evening to myself for 7-yrs.

She point blank refuses to sleep in her own bed, but will also not go to sleep unless I am lying next to her, which means after working all day, I make dinner/lunches/load dishwasher and in bed with her and DS 4yrs at 8-9pm.

Even when she does sleep in my bed she often wakes in the night saying she had a bad dream, wants the Asthma pump or needs me to take her to the toilet.

Today I have been awake since about 3am with this. I'm ashamed at about 4am I lost the plot and dragged her whilst she screamed into her room and threatened her if she got up. As soon as I dozed off, she was back trying to creep into my bed.

My DH often sleeps on the sofa because of this. We have zero time together and now my 4-yr old who was previously a good sleeper has began to say he is scared of the dark/his own bed etc.

I really am at breaking point with this. I work full time in a demanding job and the lack of sleep is giving me palpitations. Also I am starting to massively resent my DD for the fact I don't get any time to do anything in the evenings.

Please help!

I do feel for you. I am in the same position - my dd is 7 - and I've been looking at ways to sort this out as well. She wants me to be in her room to sleep - i always read to her at night with a nightlight on- sometimes if she falls asleep then I go into my own room - at some point she wakes up and calls for me and I end up going back into her room - so I end up with broken sleep.

When I try and encourage her and say that she needs to sleep on her own - she says that she doesn't want to be on her own in her room . When I ask her why she can't stay on her own - she says she sometimes has some scary dreams or may see a program and dream about it.

Her school mentioned during a lesson about "worry dolls" .I'd never heard of them - she asked for some so I bought her some. Each night bless her she talks to her worry doll and tells her all her worries. (She whispers so I can't hear).

One night she was taking ages and I said "You can't have that many worries - you're only 7! - she told me that one of the worries was that she was worried a scary bug may eat the doll she's had as a favourite since she was a baby!).

She doesn't watch any scary stuff just the normal kids programs. I guess it's hard to understand what goes through kids minds. I remember being similar when I was younger.

Is your daughter the shy type? My daughter is quite shy, she doesn't like being the centre of attention and is happy for confident children to have the limelight but is doing very well at school. It's a tricky one - but I do feel for you - the tiredness is a killer. My dog's been getting me up at 3am lately as well even though he has a wee before he goes to bed. Double whammy! before I'm then up a few hours later to get ready for work.

She doesn't like going upstairs on her own either - even in the daytime. We turn it into a game and set a timer to see how long she takes (not running on the stairs of course).

You could try the worry dolls and the reading! When she's spoken to her worry doll it goes under her pillow. Sorry haven't got any better suggestions - but let me know if anything improves your situation! Good luck !

@Scootergrrrl a bugger? Wtf? She’s a child, a person with emotions. She is frightened and mum here is really trying no reach out to help her DD.

@FuckShitJackFairy talking so much sense x

I was like this as a child. My parents put me in the same room as my younger brother. We both slept better. Is that an option?

I’m so sorry, it sounds so rough.

What about if she shared a room with her brother?

As pp above I was like this and shared a room with my brother for a while.

@crazycatlady5 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be offensive. I meant that only the OP can really know whether her daughter is genuinely scared, as some children are, or being a bit of a monkey, as some children also are, and that which it was would define how best to handle it.

Apologies, I couldn't get back on yesterday evening but I am bowled over with the fantastic advice and suggestions you have all given me. Also sharing your experiences, it's helpful to know.

There is 5yrs between my DD and DS and I had never thought of getting them to share a room as he is mainly quite happy in his, but I think I will give this more thought.

Those saying she may be anxious, I had never really considered that as she is such a confident child. I will look into the suggested books and videos. Xx

Worst possible age for an over active imagination. I was terrible with being scared of being alone in the house. My ds is nine and made a dream catcher which he is convinced has stopped his nightmares. He doesn't have any screen time after tea and if he does then he doesn't sleep well at all.
As harsh as it sounds, you will have to put your foot down at bed time. Go back to basics and do not converse with her. She gets told once and after that she is put back to bed in silence. Tell her that she can choose things like cuddly toys, PJ's, bedding, lights, sounds (audio book?), but she must sleep without you. Keep bed time quiet and stress free and if she tries to argue, don't interact and don't raise your voice. Same if she gets up in the middle of the night. Ds gets a quick cuddle if he wakes and then I take him back to bed. You must be consistent as change won't be instant.

I was like this so me and my friend come up with a plan. (DD hadnt met this friend as she was from work) DD wouldn't sleep in her bedroom because of monsters etc so we come up with a plan that my friend come to my house Looking professional and went into DD room pretending to be the monster catcher and banished all monsters from her room. Then we redecorated DD room and she has slept in there ever since...this was 4 years ago. I probably sound crazy but maybe give it a go??

Sounds like anxiety to me, especially as she is scared of being alone upstairs in the daytime, too. Is she generally sensitive? If she is worried about horror type stuff (ghosts?), has she ever seen anything that she thought was a ghost or something scary in real life? Or are her fears hypothetical, from watching tv etc?

If the self-help methods don't work, see your GP about therapy (or find a children's therapist privately if that is an option).

She sounds like she has anxiety issues I’d definitely seek medical help and have this reviewed. Can you not just move your bedroom about and just put your mattress and children’s mattresses on floor and have them in their own wee mattresses beside yours. Like one big bed?

That way you and partner can snuggle still in your own space but she can be reassured by your presence. I realise it’s hard but what you did last night will only make her anxiety about this worse.

I hope you can get something sorted that works for you all soon.