Dummy and bottle dependent for sleep at 10 weeks

[Bluebeetle7]

Hi,
Hoping someone can help from experience!
I have a 10 week old baby who has always slept pretty well at night but struggles with daytime naps. She has what I'm positive is silent reflux (swallows in her sleep and spits up a lot if not kept upright after feeds or sleeps on a slant) and also has to have Colief in her milk else she has trouble digesting (wind used to keep her up all night but now she is great on Colief). I exclusively pump as she had trouble on the breast after 3 weeks.

My problem is that although I was anti dummy before she was born, my MIL and insited on giving her one when she helps me out 2 days a week and as my husband sided with her I gave in... and now she won't sleep at all in the day without it. She also started leaving the bottle in her mouth propped up 'just to help her get off to sleep'. The issue is that I have noticed my LO getting more and more overtired in the evenings past few weeks and I've realised she doesn't get enough naps where she actually sleeps the whole time - cause she wakes up when the dummy falls out (but now won't go to sleep without it)! Or when she is fed to sleep she screams when I take the bottle away or cries when she stirs until I feed her again (but then instantly rolls her eyes and falls asleep on the bottle).

I'm at my wits end cause I spend half my day either feeding her to sleep or putting the dummy in and I know she isn't even getting proper sleep when she does drift off. And then I still have to deal with her overtiredness. I convinced myself at first that my MIL knows best and that she needed a dummy for comfort but I've obviously dug myself into a hole now and I'm the only one who has to deal with the consequences 24/7. I now have to stuff a blanket in front of her mouth just to hold the dummy in which scares me in the case of SIDs risk, and even that doesn't work for long.

Anyway, has anyone tried fixing something similar? We haven't got a routine as such for her naps so I was thinking I should try to get a routine with her sleeping in her basket downstairs with me in the dark with white noise and let her have the dummy, and then take it away cold turkey when she is used to the routine and knows it's naptime? As I literally cannot get her to close her eyes without something in her mouth.

I tried taking it away yesterday by putting her down 'sleepy but awake' and she spent all day rooting for her dummy (turning her head to the side like she does when it's fallen out) and then screaming. I gave up then and gave it to her by 4pm and no naps... Should I have persevered and let her cry for a bit??

Weird thing to note is that she never needs it at night. Maybe cause she's so exhausted by then? But I worry when she hits 4 or 5 months she will start waking more fully at the end of cycles like I have heard, and will then start to need it... god forbid!

Any help soooo appreciated!

Oh, and does anybody know how long to leave them in the cot when 'sleepy but awake' hasn't worked - do you pick them up as soon as they show that they are not going to nod off, or do you wait for a certain amount of time? Does 'self settling' even work at this age??

I also had this exact thing - my DS was about 8 weeks and with reflux so was in pain a lot. Tried dummy to soothe and also apparently it can help with stomach. He also got dependant on it and we were FOREVER putting it back in / holding it until he fell asleep and then removing it in case it fell out and woke him (!)
We did that for about 3 weeks and then we went cold turkey. It was bad for about 3 days and then he was fine. I bought him a cuddly comforter toy which is still to this day his favourite thing (he’s 2) and that sort of acts as a dummy to be honest without the annoyance!! We’d put it in with him and then remove it once he was asleep so he didn’t smother himself with it. Now it’s in with him all night and for naps.
If you decide on cold turkey, good luck!

Also if you decide to get rid of them, I’d have a word with your MIL and explain the consequences- tell her what you’ve decided and that you’d appreciate her help in being consistent.

Honestly she is still tiny and sleep crutches are used because they work. Cuddle her, sling her or push her in her pram to go to sleep.

I would personally move away from the bottle in her mouth to sleep because that will cause issues when she gets teeth.

Get rid of the blanket on her mouth as that is a SIDS risk and use a dummy as it reduces the risks of SIDS

I think the popping it back in thing is a phase and personally I wish my 9 month old had taken a dummy! Up to you though of course

Hi bluebeetle
that does sound like a tricky one. i don't really have any advice I'm afraid but just wanted to say I can relate to the feeling of not knowing what to do and hope that ot gets easier for you soon. I have a 4 week old that seems to want the boob constantly and won't settle on his own. everyone keeps saying to try a dummy but I'm really not sure and worried I will be replacing one battle with another

I would always pervesevere with the dummy because they are such great sleep aides. At 10 weeks both of mine slept either in the buggy, in a bouncy chair (dummy in and me rocking the chair occasionally) or on me (by far the best naps either of them had). Can you hold her whilst she naps tor a coupLe of naps a day? Don't prop a bottle into her mouth.

Thank you all for such quick replies! A lifesaver to hear from other mums when I'm going a bit mad.

Sounds like the propped bottle is a big nono then so will definitely stop that at least. I suppose the most confusing thing is whether to stop the dummy or not yet - but I figured as it is stopping her getting proper sleeps (she honestly drops it constantly as she sleeps with her head to one side a lot) then it defeats the purpose of it as a sleep aid? I also worry about it being needed more and more if she hits the dreaded 'sleep regression' stage... so am quite keen to get rid.

Booagain - great to hear that it worked for you! Sounds like a really similar situation. Did you ever resort to it again for meltdowns when out and about or never touch it ever again after that? I think I could survive 3 days or so of hell if it would be good for her in the long-term. When you say it was bad, did he not nap at all for those days or did you just have to leave him cry and then he'd sleep? Curious as to whether going cold turkey inevitably means letting her cry or whether you just have to replace it with rocking etc?
Agree I need to be more stern with my MIL and get her more on side!

InDubiousBattle - have thought about letting her nap on me but then thought it might be an even harder battle to break than the dummy then! Though may resort to it when we go cold turkey.

sleepycat13 - thank you, yes so confusing about what to do and do think the dummy situation is really tricky. Know it sounds like I blame my MIL entirely but do wonder if maybe it might have been harder earlier on without it. It only got to be a major issue the past few weeks as she became more alert and jerky in her sleeps so it falls out more but was manageable in the beginning... wish there was a way to pinpoint the optimal time to take it away after introducing it. Hope you are able to find a solution that works for you.

Anybody know about how long to leave her cry for (or lying there wide awake) before intervening once I get rid of the dummy?

At 10 weeks she should not be left to cry at all.

The issue is that I have noticed my LO getting more and more overtired in the evenings past few weeks and I've realised she doesn't get enough naps

What are her current naps in the daytime?

I think you're just looking for something to 'blame' or at least explain the daytime naps and you've latched onto dummy as the thing that's to blame.

30-45 minute daytime naps = completely normal for this developmental stage.

The way to avoid over tiredness is to keep them frequent with less awake time between.

Dummies are AMAZING. Foolish idea to get rid of such a simple and easy no crying route to independant sleep.

Getting rid of dummy wont make naps longer. They just are and will be short at this age. If baby is over tired, she needs more naps closer together. All getting rid of dummy will do is make the process of going to sleep every time loads more stressful.

We used dummies as a sleep aid and I would do it again! Helped when we settled into a routine of naps in the cot at around 6 month (before that naps where wherever - in bed with me, Moses basket, pram, car seat, bouncer, on me) as it was a consistent.
We stopped them at 11 months cold turkey with very little problem (when she had a cold and didn’t want one).
Overtiredness is a game in its own right - regardless of dummy/no dummy.
Maybe look at different shaped teets that will stay in better?

I had the opposite problem - my baby refused soothers so had nothing to comfort her and she found it hard to relax and drift off.

You are over thinking this a bit. Babies just are a bit difficult when they are so young. I don't think your MIL has made any drastic mistakes.

He did cry when we took it away but we just held him and soothed for a while for his naps and then to be honest, we did let him cry it out a bit in his basket because sometimes you have no sanity left and what else to do when you’ve decided on cold turkey?! It’s so hard for them when they’re little and difficult for you too but we didn’t look back. 3 days to break a habit they say and it was true for us.
Re sleeping on you as others have suggested, I am also with you there too. I never had him fall asleep on me napping though DH did. I was so worried about that becoming a thing that he’d not get out of either though I think that was being over concerned as a first time mother and knowing I had to go back to work eventually etc! Anyway, he’s the most loving little thing now so none of it has done him the slightest bit of harm that we took dummy away / didn’t have him nap on mummy! I sound really heartless to him on this thread - I promise I’m a loving parent, haha!
Xx