Cry it out.

[notanaturalmum]

Hi
I'm a FTM with a 4.5mth DS. He's lovely but I'm finding the whole mum thing really hard. I haven't really bonded with him but I've never been maternal really so I knew I would be like this. My husband is amazing with him (having a baby was his idea, I just went along with it)
My issue is with naps and sleep. Is it normal for a baby to cry for like 5/10 minutes when you put them to bed?
It's not a permanent cry it's on/off with a couple of whimpers but enough for me to be worried about what the neighbours think. I never leave him, I just kind of watch him in his cot. I'm worried I'm accidentally doing cry it out - that's not my intention. I don't feel the need to pick him up and fawn over him - is that bad?
He always falls asleep but I'm not sure if I'm being mean because I'm not rocking him or singing to him etc?
I don't want him to think I neglect him. I don't. It's just I'm not the huggy kissy song singing type of mum.
I do breastfeed him as I was worried I wouldn't connect with him otherwise. It's kind of helped I think.
So is it normal for them to cry a bit if you put them down awake?

Cuddling a baby to sleep is not smothering a baby with affection, OP. I wouldn’t leave a young baby like that to cry themselves to sleep. I don’t really understand what the problem with cuddling them to sleep is? All my four have either been fed, slung or cuddled to sleep for all naps. There’s never been a need for any crying. I’m an adult and I’d not like to cry myself to sleep.

I know it’s really hard. I don’t think you’re not a great, lovely mum. I’m sure you adore your beautiful baby. If that’s how you want to do naps then go for it. There are other ways to do it though and I sense it’s bothering you a bit or else you wouldn’t have posted.

Please don’t be hard on yourself, how he falls asleep is fine and no one is like they are in the sma adverts. I’m glad you feel better after talking to Your dh

I always put my ds down awake and allowed him 10 minutes to settle himself to sleep. He sometimes cried for a bit, but he usually settled within that time. If he didn't we knew something else was wrong.
Personally I wanted him to settle by himself, and not do the sushing am a patting or rocking to sleep.
He's settled himself since he came home, and has never never needed anything else to get him to go to sleep.

You sound like you are doing absolutely amazing to be honest and I imagine you are just setting yourself an unattainably high bar based on the ridiculous ideals we get shoved in our faces in magazines and the internet. It's not that you don't care enough, you probably care too much!

Also next time you hold your baby tell him he is is fucking awesome, self settling with minimum whinging and crying at such a young age. Both of you rock! That is definitely not Cry it Out in its traditional sleep training form!!