I have tried dummy (he refuses though sometimes if I tap it it helps a little to get him over - how do I get to him to just take a dummy?)
Dummy was central in me getting my children sleeping independantly without any crying.
I had 3 chikdren who just took a dummy and it never occurred to me that this might not always be the case. Then DC4 came along and refused dummy (and bottle, incidentally), so I learnt how hard work it can be getting baby to take a dummy sometimes. But because she was my 4th I understood the value in the dumny so didn't give up. I'd have kept going as long as it took to get dummy accepted. For me, I started around 2-3 weeks old and she finally "got it" at 7 weeks (and night weaned 11pm-7am within a week).
Dummy tips are my forte! Here are my suggestions:
● Dummy should never be sitting limply in baby's mouth. It's either being actively sucked or it's taken out. If you can't get baby to suck keep removing and trying again until you do.
● Try stroking baby's cheek or upper lip with dummy teat (as you do nipple when bfing) to encourage baby to turn and seek dummy with their mouth
● Insert dummy in an upwards and backwards direction, like latching to the breast. Aim towards the roof of the mouth, not the tongue.
● Tapping the outside of the dumny can trigger the sucking reflex. You mention doing this already. It's not something you'll always need to do, just a way to get early dummy users used to sucking in order to feel soothed.
● Try dummy at all different times of the day. When awake/happy. When just getting tired, when going to sleep, when playing. When the flutter sucks start at the end of a feed, whilst winding, whilst cuddling, when in sling.... you get the idea. Just keep on trying.
● Try every day, several times, whenever you can really, to get it established. It WILL be worth it and once established, then you can limit to just sleep times. It might take several weeks of daily, multiple times daily, work.
● Try different types/brands of dummy. I prefer bulbous cherry type dummies but you don't find them very often. Other people swear by MAM dummies.
● Try teaming dummy with another settling method. I liked dummy and movement (bouncy chair or rocking in arms) or dummy whilst cosleep cuddling.
● Be patient. Some babies take to a dummy with no effort at all. Others don't. But "refusers" Can, I believe, be turned around with enough time, patience and persistence.
Good luck!