When did you let baby sleep alone in the evenings?

[SleepForTheWeek]

DD2 is 14 weeks and has recently started showing signs of wanting to settle for the night around 6.30/7. There’s a noisy toddler in the house and she likes a calm environment and quiet to settle for the night. I ended up staying upstairs with her last night as we put her in the crib for 7 and she had a great sleep, getting up only once during the night for a feed.

HV was round today and said it would be fine to leave her alone upstairs until we went to bed, as long as we had a monitor. I thought the guidelines were that the baby had to sleep with you until 6 months because of the reduced risk of SIDS and regulation of breathing?

When did you put your DC upstairs for their bedtime?

While loads of people do leave their baby to sleep alone in the evening, your HV is contractually obliged to follow NHS policy and official guidance is baby in same room as an adult when sleeping at all times until 6 months. Just as HV should adhere to Breast is Best policy even if it goes against their personal opinions, same with SIDS guidelines. So your HV I'd being incompetent in her job there.

I'm not a HV though, likewise most of the mums you might speak to. So you may get more open advice elsewhere from people not tied to health and safety policy.

I judged the right time for my children to be upstairs asleep on their own according to their development. So once baby was going down for a 'nap' after bedtime routine early evening and then I had to wake baby up to take upstairs with me when I wanted to go to bed, that's when I judged baby ready for bedtime upstairs alone.

Officially it should be a decision based on safety, not development. That is for you to decide based on your view of managing the risk.

Data does show that the safest place for baby to sleep is in the same place as an adult for the first 6 months and sleeping alone when under 6 months is an increased risk. There is no point denying these facts, they are facts.

If the baby went to sleep I'd put them in another room for a couple hours yes. And we even co slept. Sometimes you both need some bloody peace

You can get monitors that go off if the baby stops breathing op if you think you're going to stress about it. We had one. It sounds orb but actually just made it easier to shut off

I know guidance is 6 months but with DD it wa around 4 months. This was when she started falling into an evening routine and was having a longer evening sleep rather than a nap. We used a monitor and would check on her regularly.

Our monitor was just a sound one. I personally don't like the idea of the sensor mats. There was a thread here the other day about one going off and the parent worrying, even though the baby was clearly fine. I know a lot of people use them though.

We lived in a flat... DD was always put to sleep in her crib in our bedroom. We used a baby monitor in the living room.

I can't remember with the other 3 but dc4 started going to bed at 4 months. I need some time without children in the evenings just to feel ok so off to bed he goes.
He's a strange baby though, downstairs he'll only nap for really short stretches or if I move he'll wake but I can put him to bed between 6pm and 7pm and he'll sleep til 4ish.

I think the six month guidance means baby should sleep in the same room as you for that time. It doesn't, and I am happy to be corrected if I am wrong, mean that you can't put baby to bed at a reasonable time in their cot in your room and go downstairs and have a normal evening, with the baby monitor to alert you to waking.

official guidance is baby in same room as an adult when sleeping at all times until 6 months Can you link to this? I can see guidance saying "sleep in the same room as you" but not guidance saying "you must be with baby at all times when they are sleeping" - that just sounds mad to me but as I say I am truly happy to be corrected if I am wrong.

And to answer OP's question mine went upstairs from 7 from the age of about two months. Didn't mean I wasn't up and downstairs like a jack in the box as they were both very poor sleepers..

I thought the same as MaroonPencil. Mine actually slept in my room until between 9 months and 2 years (with later DC, this was due to lack of space), but I put them to bed by themselves from about 2 months. Prior to that, they were in the lounge in the Moses basket till we went to bed. We didn't have a baby monitor, but always left the bedroom door open so I could hear them and checked on them regularly.

official guidance is baby in same room as an adult when sleeping at all times until 6 months

Can you link to this?

Sure:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/

There really isn't any dispute on the guidelines, I was just stating them. In case you were not aware, the Lullaby Trust is the body which researches and analysis data to create NHS and UK government policy on SIDS risk.

I really like my HV, she’s helped me with a lot of things but I did think her advice was contradictory to official advice.

She did point out that I wasn’t always in the room with her been napped though - she sleeps in the pram in the kitchen and I potter about the house.

I’ll settle her in our room again tonight then not sure what I’ll do!

I always wondered this. How is it possible to have baby with you constantly whilst they are asleep, you'd have to drag their cot around... I had DD nap in her cot for an hour today upstairs but I checked her every 10 mins. That was her first nap alone.

You dont drag them round you just keep them sleeping in the room you geberally spend time in during the day

My lo only ever slept upstairs from when he came home. We always had a video monitor on, and when he was younger I checked on him regularly.
I didn't see any problem. He stayed in our room until we put him in a toddler bed at 17 months, so he wasn't alone overnight, and during the day I was up and awake and alert.
He always slept in his crib, my hv knew and didn't have any issue with it. (I hate Moses baskets and would never ever have one). He was perfectly fine sleeping upstairs. And I will do the same next time. I don't see any need to have them downstairs during the day)

How is it possible to have baby with you constantly whilst they are asleep

I think the practicalities of the guidelines are such that if baby is asleep at a time you are mostly in the living room, then put baby to sleep in the living room and don't go upstairs and have a nap on your bed. Or if you want to have a lie on your bed while baby sleeps, put baby in a cot in your room to nap rather than downstairs.

So if you don't have two seperate places for baby to sleep (one upstairs and one downstairs) then yes, it does mean moving the cot upstairs and downstairs to suit. Most people find more convenient ways to cope - cot upstairs, bouncy chair or pushchair downstairs. Or crib upstairs, Moses basket downstairs. Or travel cot down stairs and main cot upstairs. Or cosleep upstairs, floor sleep downstairs. And so on.

Ok that is pretty much what we do. Pram downstairs and cot upstairs. Or sometimes we will bring the top part of the snuz downstairs for a nap. I think I'm taking it too literally. I find it hard to use my own judgement sometimes.

With my PFB I literally used to pick up the bouncy chair with her in it asleep and carry it to kitchen to make a cuppa, back to living room, carry it up to toilet then back down again and so on.

Once into second and subsequent children I realised that baby sleeping in the living room will be fine while I washed the pots in the next room or popped upstairs for a wee. But that's quite different to a young baby in cot in nursery upstairs while I doze on the sofa downstairs, for example.

I followed guidelines to the letter and waited for 6 months. No, it isn't convenient, but I would rather be inconvenienced than risk harm coming to my baby that I could prevent.

We started putting our daughter in her cot when she goes to sleep last wèek with the monitor on.
She goes down between 8 or 9pm. She is 7 weeks old.

I should say I go to bed with her at 9 in the same room.

There is a theory that baby being close to the parents when sleeping helps reduced SIDS as the parents breathing helps to regulate the baby's breathing, and also stops the baby going into too deep of a sleep.

If this is the case, then the atguement of 'it's ok that baby is upstairs because we have a baby monitor' doesn't stack up. It's not entirely about you being able to hear if your baby cries, there's more to the recommendation.

I don't know much about all this, just sharing what I've been told so people can make an informed decision.

Sorry, 'informed decision' sounded a bit pompous! Like I said, I'm no expert on this. It's just lots of people haven't heard that bit of information and also think that the guidelines mean overnight only, not all naps. I was just sharing in case someone found it useful