4 month old baby will not sleep!

[Julia1706]

I'm looking for some advise regards to my 4 months old sleeping patterns.

Ever since his birth I have struggled to get him to sleep for any length of time. At night he will eventually fall asleep about 9-10pm (I'm starting the bedtime routine about 8pm) however he is waking every 1.5-2 and sometimes hourly. I've had an occasional three hour interval but this is the exception rather than the norm.. Each time he wakes I offer him a feed, and he does appear to be feeding ( I'm EBF) although now I'm starting to wonder whether this is more habit/comfort rather than the need to feed.. He is a big baby and at 16wks he is 16.3 Ibs. Due to the constant wakings I reluctantly decided to co-sleep, at least this way we both get a little sleep, as before it was taking an age to settle him in his cot and by the time he was settled he was awake again wanting feeding!

The days are not much better either. He would not sleep unless held and any time I tried to put him down he would wake straight away. Even when I was holding him he would wake frequently and would only go back off if I then jumped up and started rocking him again! If I provide a lot of assistance with his naps he will stay asleep for 1.5-2 hours, he then appears more settled and he is also easier to settle at night if he's slept well during the day.

This week I've decided that I need to try and get him to sleep for naps in his cot, so I have been trying the shh/pat routine in his cot with moderate success. He will fall asleep, however he is waking after only 20-30 minutes. Then I'm finding that he is only managing being awake for 1-1.5 hrs before showing signs of tiredness and then I start the whole process again! I feel that most days I'm spending longer trying to get him to sleep than he does stay asleep and I feel so demoralised and exhausted! I've tried putting him down before showing his tired signs/when he showing tired signs/when he's crying but whatever I am doing at the moment does not seem to be working. I've thought about going in to try and wake to sleep to get him into the next sleep cycle, I set my alarm today to go in 10 mins before his 30 minute wake up only for him to wake after 18 mins!

I'm finding at the moment that there is no breathing space, it's just fall on day and night. I'm sick of people telling me to rest when baby rests, they never tell you what to do when your baby does not rest!

Sorry for the long post and general rant, but I'm looking for any advise. Firstly is it normal for a baby to sleep so little, eg today from 6.30 am he has had 2.5 hrs sleep. Generally when he is awake he is very content and alert, so maybe he does not need long naps? Is there any tips that might improve his naps during the day? Should I continue with shh/pat routine and hope that it will get better?
Will this get any better and something that he will just grow out of, as I'm currently feeling really desperate and fed up and can see no time when I will go more then 2 hours without being awoken! I've read about the 4 month sleep regression, but I swear to god that if his sleep regresses anymore I'm going to run off😱

The day

Have you tried a dummy recently Julia1706? It sounds like you have a ducky baby who would like it and your baby will clearly benefit from extra help to sleep independantly.

In the daytime, if you are doing cot naps I would suggest staying in the room with baby. That way you can catch baby at the point when just stirring before actually waking and resettle back to sleep. In fact I would probably invest 3 days to shush patting right the way through the nap and keeping it going throughout, as a means to extend the nap.

Naps of 30-45m are perfectly reasonable at this age, so nothing to worry about with this. But you might get even longer naps if you're lucky. But 20 minute naps are too short, it suggests baby isnt isn't getting into the deep sleep phase at all.

Thank you for your reply and advise FATEdestiny.

I've tried a dummy several times, in fact I think I've bought every brand on the market! Trouble is he just won't take one, he chews on it and plays with it a bit, then spits it out! I'll keep trying though.

I have been staying in the nursery with him during nap time, but he will literally wake suddenly with no warning and no amount of ssh/patting will settle him off. So I thought I might be disturbing him so left him yesterday, although that didn't work either!

It's a good idea to try and ssh/pat throughout the nap though and I will definitely give it a go! Although the sound of my own shushing is driving me up the wall😂.

I've had a really rough day with it today and I've even considered swapping to formula to see if that will get me anymore rest. Although it's reassuring to hear that short naps are the norm for this age and fingers crossed it will get easier soon

Why dont you try bouncy chair naps?

These were always my preference for daytime naps in the first 6 months. Foot bouncing baby while sitting on the sofa watching tv is a million times easier (not to mention far less soul destroying) than sitting in a dark, silent room listening to your own shining and getting bored stiff.

I would also limit awake time to 90 minutes max, to avoid over tiredness. Actually I would work on the basis of awake time between 60-90m, including the time it takes you to get her to sleep.

So I would:

• note time when baby wakes and aim to have baby back in the bouncer 1h later.
• have 60 minutes happy/awake playtime and include a feed in this
• put baby in bouncer 1h from waking, position it in front of the sofa.
• make sure you have a cuppa and the tv remove. Start bouncing with your foot. Be rhythmic and constant about it. Higher tempo the more agitated baby is, gentler the more calm baby is, but keep going.
• Be completely relentless about it. I'd dummy reinsert constantly while bouncing. Just keep going. By starting 60m after waking, tgi s allows for up to half an hour for baby to fall asleep. Relentless bouncing should get you there before that
• When stirring awake, try to bounce back to sleep but if not going back to sleep note the time and start the whole cycle again.

Then your day becomes repeating cycles of
60 mins feed and play
30/45 mins settling to sleep
30/45 mins sleep
It gives you repeating cycles lasting 2h-2h30m throughout the day.

He sounds similar to my DS1. You don't say how long he feeds for when he wakes at night or during the day. If he takes a particularly long time to feed (30 mins to an hour) this sounds like potential tongue tie behaviour. I think a dentist is the best person to confirm this, midwives, health visitors and even doctors miss it.

Babies with a tongue tie struggle to get enough milk, so they feed for ages and then need feeding again very soon. Because they spend so much time awake trying to feed they can also get overtired and struggle to get to sleep. If he's feeding for a very long time this could be a possible.

I hope it all works out. Good luck.

FATEdestiny, I was bouncing him to sleep for a little while which worked, although the HV told me not to get too reliant on these methods as it was a prop, even went out and bought a swing although he's been in it once and now only gets agitated in it! I'll perhaps go back to the bouncer if only to save my sanity!

Leniguru, I do sometimes play white noise, the static on the radio helps. I have to have it really loud at first and then I turn it down once he's asleep. Maybe I should keep it quite loud though? Do you think that would help? Really useful link, thank you and I'm going to have to try it at some point as I don't think I can go on like this!

EightyNine, he feeds for quite short periods, he's done in about 5-10 mins. He does have tongue tie though, they told me that at birth, every time I've asked they've said that they won't refer him as he is gaining so much weight. Is this something worth pursuing? I've noticed though tonight that he is feeding more often at night than day. Yesterday he went 3 hours between feeds, tonight every 1-1.5 hrs. So I don't know what I can do about this now?

Awake now after waking for yet another feed, he's gone back to sleep, but I now can't. I think I'm developing insomnia because of it all!!

Hi @Julia1706 just wanted to say that I have been there & can feel your pain! I could've written this post (& probably did a few months ago...)

My LO is now 11 months, goes down alone for naps (which are getting longer) & only wakes once through the night but goes back down v quickly.

I reached breaking point on several occasions & also tried everything. On reflection baby was very alert & far too interested in what was going on. So it helped me to get the timings right for his naps & I then used any method to get him to sleep that worked (feeding, pram etc). We did proper sleep training at 8 months, after much soul searching. It was difficult at first but we had instant results & were all so much happier getting sleep!

So please please know you will get through it! It will get better.

Use any friends/family you trust to take baby for a few hours so you can get some sleep/have a hot cuppa/watch your favourite show on TV...don't bother with sleep training til after 6 months (biologically it won't work) & get your baby prepared for a nap within the 'window' so before they get overtired...

You are not alone but this won't last forever! Good luck

Thank you @NEmum, your post has made me feel more hopeful that things will improve with time. I think I've probably been trying to rush things and getting worried that I'm making a rod for my own back with all this rocking and nursing that I'm doing. I didn't mention in my post that I'm also a single mum, I parted company with his dad when pregnant. He's still involved and sees him twice in the week. My mum and dad are also supportive but I struggle to ask/accept support.

I think that I'll just go with it for now and start accepting the help. Although on my bad days I get it into my head that I'll still be breastfeeding and bed sharing when he is twenty!

Do you mind me asking what type of sleep training did you do with your little one at eight months? It sounds that it worked well for you and its perhaps something that I can work towards.

Thanks again, julia

@Julia1706 I also used to think I'd be BF & bed sharing LO when he was 15 😂 there's a lot of pressure to get your baby to sleep & I felt like I wasn't working "hard enough" if I didn't spend hours doing the shush/pat, getting him in his own cot etc...I've realised that being a parent is hard enough work!!!!!

I used the 2,4,6 minute sleep training. So I would feed him, put him down awake, say a sleepy sentence (nighty night, sleepy time, mummy loves you) then leave the room. If he was crying after 2mins I'd go in, repeat the sleepy sentence then pat his tummy to try & calm him. I'd stay with him for a maximum of 2 mins then retreat & repeat after 4 mins, then 6 mins. I was never comfortable leaving him for longer than 6 mins but some people increase it by 2 mins a time. I think you just have to respond to your own baby & you learn what suits them. I learnt that the pick up/put down method overstimulated my LO but that works for some people. I also found that not feeding him every time he woke was key to getting longer sleep stretches.

Your baby is still so little, take the pressure off yourself & know that this is only a short phase. & definitely accept the help, I've just started doing this & it's helping immensely.

You are doing a great job, well done xxx

@NEmum I will definitely try the 2,4,6 minute training when he is a little older. And like you say I'll take the pressure off for now and do what I need to survive! I accepted some help off my mum last night so it gave me 3 hours uninterrupted sleep and it's amazing how different I feel this morning! 😊

All the very best to you and thank you once again xxxx

@Julia1706 ahhh great! Everyone needs more sleep, a chunk of 3 hours is a great start!

I promise you it does get better. My LO had 8 weeks where he woke every 45-60 mins...I nearly lost my mind...last night he slept from 6.30pm-6.50am! They just learn what to do.

If you're on Facebook/instgram I follow a sleep consultant called Kerry Secker, Kerry Cares Parenting. She does live talks about sleep science etc & ive found it really reassuring/helpful.

Good luck! X