13 month old - sleep training - help needed!

[Lauralee14]

My little girl is 13 months old, some nights (occasionally now) she sleeps through, may wake up once but goes back off to sleep, but mostly she will wake, I will have to go and pick her up as she gets herself in such a state she's almost vomiting, and then she will not go back down in her cot. I end up getting in the spare bed in her room and trying to get a bit of sleep there. I'm totally exhausted and it's really affecting me, I'm down and miserable.

I know where I have gone wrong, I don't put her down awake. I feed her bottle at bedtime and let her fall asleep on me then transfer her to the cot. Bedtimes are really easy and I'm so scared to mess it all up but I am willing to try anything!!

Do I start with the day time nap first? Read about putting them down, walking out and keep coming back in. Problem is she will just stand there and i just know she won't nap? How do i get past that?

Is the best way to leave the room and keep coming back in but not picking her up? I feel like this is going to be traumatic and stressful but I need to do something.

Any help much appreciated x

Just chill. She's only 13 months. She'll get there. They wake at night for the first couple of years. Whatever you do you'll find the goalposts move in a couple of months anyway so whatever it is it's the right thing for you. But they're only little for a short time and she's not going to fall asleep on you when she's 5. This sounds dead patronising but I really stressed about sleep when mine turned one and he just sorted it all out himself for the most part by the time he was two. Enjoy the snuggles because they stop and then you'll be sad!

You're right that the reason she usually doesn't just turn over and go back to sleep on her own is because she goes to sleep in your arms.

It is to do with the environment checks children (and adults) do in the brief moments between sleep cycles. Imagine going to bed one night and rolling over a few hours later and realising upu were in the backseat of a car. You wouldn't just roll over and go back to sleep, you'd be wide awake adrenaline pumping pretty fast. It's the same process when baby goes to sleep in your arms then in the environment check is no longer asleep in your arms.

As for what to tackle first - is most suggest both bedtime and daytime naps at the same time. This allows for the greatest levels of consistancy.

However if you can't face doing both, then it would be most wise to do bedtime and night wakes first, leaving daytime naps to tackle later. The natural pressure on the body to sleep is greatest at night so sleep routines easiest to establish.

If you do decide to teach her to go to sleep in the cot, the key is consistency. Your child simply will not stay awake for all 12 hours over night, so you just keep going with in-cot settling from awake until she eventually does calm down and settle.

I wouldn't leave her to cry, i would stay in the room. Keep lying her back down, shushing, stroking, patting, whatever is needed to get her to calm down whilst in the cot.

Your initial aim is not sleep, it is staying lying down. So keep in lying her back down over and over again. Shush, stroke, pay and calm her until she stop pulling herself up. The next aim is calm, so still your movements but stay close and touching, pat and shush if not calm, then still and wait once calm. After calm and lying down; your next aim is sleep. No point starting the whole process expecting her to go to sleep just like that. Certain conditions are needed first: lying down, still, calm, quiet.... only then can come the state of relaxing and sleeping. So don't rush, baby steps.

The first night it might take several hours. But you stay comforting throughout. It should get quicker and easier each day.