Help me get my 20 month old to go to bed!

[hannah1992]

My youngest was a brill sleeper from day one. Thought we were really lucky she just went in her cot and settled perfect. She did this until 10 months old.

Then she got a sever ear infection and hardly slept at all (understandable). Anyway the doctor recommended sleeping her propped up to take pressure off her ears so we tried with the towel under the mattress. Settled her to sleep and out her down but it didn't work as soon as she was put down she woke up. So after two nights of no sleep at all I put her in the pram. Her pram either lays flat half up or sat right up so I laid it half up and pushed her round the room and hay presto! So I slept on the sofa and it was the first time in two days and nights either of us slept.

Once the infection cleared up we tried to get back into routine but the minute she was in the cot she screamed even if we was in the room with her. We tried shushing playing lullabys, pick up put down, leaving for 2 mins and going back all sorts. Fast forward to 18 months. My mum suggested putting her in the cotbed so we did, still no joy. So my mil suggested putting her with her sister maybe company might work. No success with that either. So now at 20 months she has to be cuddled to sleep then carried to bed. She does sleep and sleeps a full night well it's just that she's getting bigger and heavier now and quite hard to get up of the sofa carrying her and go upstairs. (She won't settle upstairs).

We recently tried just putting her up there and leaving her but she got herself in such a state in the end she was being sick so we haven't tried it again.

I'll add that settling her to sleep can take hours as she just wants to mess about.

Any suggestions please

I personally would just go with the flow or co sleep - can you put her bed next to yours? Cuddle her to sleep upstairs lying down and then leave her with a monitor on?

Leaving her to cry al9ne will achieve very little at this age, especially if now in a bed (?)

Is she in a bed? I'd recommend going back to a cot if you can, unless you want to cosleep or lie-down cuddle her to sleep. She is too young for independant sleeping in a bed.

I would also give her her own room, if you can. It's unfair on older sibling to have their sleep disturbed to this extent.

It then sounds like you need a lesson in consistancy consistency and persistence. You need to pick a method and stick with it. Doing the same night after night even if there was no 'success' the previous night. Your child needs to know that exactly the same thing will happen every time from their parents and needs to learn to understand what behaviour you want from them (ie being still and quiet and going to sleep) when certain things happen.

Posted too soon...

This needs you to be persistant. ie keep going until the desired outcome - calm, quiet and relaxed followed by sleep. You also need to be consistant - do the same things with the same expectations.

At 20 months i would do an in-cot version of rapid return. It would work in a bed too.

So into cot, hand on chest. What you are aiming for is that your hand is reassurance enough for baby to be still and quiet and then wait until still and quiet becomes relaxed which becomes sleep.

You are, however, a million miles from this. But having your aim in mind is important. Don't fall into thr trap of assuming that because she doesn't easily manage this, that the method isn't working. Any method needs you to be consistant consistent and persistant until it does work.

So lie baby down and you stay close. Cuddles on the bed or lent over the cot. You are aiming for still and quiet (not sleep at this point, just still and quiet). Any squirming against your hold, lift very slightly (a few cm) and lie back down.

This repeatative resettling is part of rapid return. Also develop a mantra which you repeat constantly. For example "sleep time now, we lie quietly at sleep time. Nan night".

Then at every noise, at every move, all the time - lift and resettle, hand on chest and repeat mantra. Initially you might continually be doing this without any calm gaps over and over for hours.

Over time and towards the end of any bedtime you will notice more quiet, still calm time after the resettle. Reaffirm tgi s is what you want with lots of eye contact, sleepy smile, "that's good" whispered and so on.

Once you get this quiet calm, so not seek to withdraw. Stay there, don't move and wait. You may go back to the resettle, hand, mantra cycle. You may move from quiet calm into relaxing - that is the next necessary state before sleep comes. Stay close, wait, positive eye contact.

On from relaxed comes sleep. Again stay there. You might be able to straighten up and move your hand away, but stay there. Put your hand back if reassurance is needed. Otherwise just wait.

Over time the idea is that the quiet calm comes more easily and resettles needed less and less often.

Could you take her to the library and get her some books to reinforce your new routine?

I'd also get a copy of the No Cry Sleep Solution. It covers babies upto the age of two.

Like others have said though, I'd be tempted to put her in your bed or a bed by your bed and let her sleep there. Once you've got her used to sleeping in a bed, you can tackle moving her into her own room

Fatedestiny thank you, that makes sense to me and would work with my girl who is sporadically getting worse at going to bed over lady couple of months. Glad I read this post!