My 14 month old won't sleep help now needed

[keys27]

I would really appreciate any advice.

I am a mum of 3. Two girsl 7 and 4 and a boy 14 months. The girls slept fine and carry on doing so however my little boy is constantly awake I'm lucky to get an hour. It's got to the point of exhaustion now for me and my OH. When he does wake he screams the house down for over an hour as i refuse to get him out his cot but after a while your so tired u give in especially with him disturbing the other two girls sleep.

I've tried everything from warm milk to relaxing baths. Some days he won't even nap so by 7.30pm he is so tired he goes into a deep sleep straight away but only.for a few hours then his up again.

This has been happening since birth he has never slept through the night but last few months we've gone back to new born stage.

Any advice for an exhausted mum would be so appreciated right now.

Huge sympathy OP, sleep deprivation is hellish.

We had a non-sleeping baby and the tiredness nearly drove me insane.

I did find the advice in the Baby Whisperer really helpful. In my case it helped me to understand that the strategies I was using to (I thought) soothe my baby to sleep were in fact stimulating and ensuring that any sleep eventually reached would be light and brief. I learned - though you may already know this from your older two - how to tell the difference between an "I need to express how tired I am" cry and an "I need a cuddle" cry.

No baby has the cognitive ability to realise that sleep is a nice thing that relieves tiredness. Instead they perceive as two separate phenomena the overwhelming sensation of tiredness that is making it difficult to keep their eyes open and play, and the slightly scary onset of unconsciousness which they don't want to have to deal with when they are so tired. The crying is because they want you to take away the nasty tiredness feeling (just like you are able to make the nasty hungry feeling go away - they know that you have that magic power).

Every baby is different so I don't know what your solution will be but I hope the book linked to above helps you to find it. Some babies just don't sleep much so some of your solution may be learning to adjust to what is achievable. Good luck!

Take him to the doctors and don't leave till you get medication. You will end up ill and have other kids to care for. I would also recommend breaking the night into two shifts 8-1 then 1-7 and take turns. This will ensure you are both safe to work/drive/ care for children.

Why do you leave him in the cot for an hour crying? Just thinking that will wire him up even more so and probably isn't nice for anyone can you temporarily side car the cot to your bed? Does he go back to sleep if he is in with you? If he is literally only sleeping an hour or so a night and won't even go to sleep if cuddled then yes I would suggest go to the doctor.

I totally agree with user1471's suggestion about splitting the night into shifts, and the off-shift parent puts in earplugs/ sleeps away from the din. It's the only foolproof way of getting some guaranteed sleep.

I don't agree with going to the doctor and demanding medication though- the child's behaviour is fairly typical for children of his age and in the absence of a medical condition with is causing the disturbances, no GP in their right mind would prescribe medication.

I don't have a very great sleeper either but I have made my peace with it and decided that the best strategy is for me (woman in her 40s will fully developed brain) to alter my behaviour (earlier bedtime, grabbing sleep when I can, split nightshift with DP, co-sleeping during bad /teething spells) rather than expecting the confused 1.5 year old baby to alter his behaviour when he doesn't understand what is going on. And it DOES pass (everyone says this- it must be true!)

Excellent advice PP.

When you say he screams for over an hour, I interpreted it as you are trying to settle him in his cot but he just wants to get out not that you are leaving him to scream alone..? If that is the case, it could be worth looking at his entire day and if he's not settling because he is overtired? Also, do you have a consistent settling technique that you use for every nap, putting him down for the night and night wake up?

My daughter is younger so I have no experience with a baby over 1 but what I've learnt through the sleep problems we have had is that when overtired, everything falls apart. Even more so if chronically overtired like your son may be if he wakes regularly at night and refuses naps. Also, when you do decide on a certain way to settle them, be persistent and consistent in using that technique for every sleep for a minimum of a week to see the change. Otherwise they just learn how long and loud they need to scream until Mum gives in and persist with it that much longer.