Nursery and sleep

[AndIAskMyself]

My son is 13 months old and started nursery on the 1st August. He loves nursery - he's never cried when we've left him and he's always happy when we pick him up. The nursery staff adore him and lots of our friend's babies are with him there. All good on that count.

However, it's his sleep that is an issue. When he's at home with me he will sleep between 1.5-2.5 hours a day. He has a short nap at 9.30ish and then a long nap at around 12.30pm. But that is in his cot in a darkened room.

At nursery that was the pattern they were going to follow. They've rarely managed to get him to have a morning nap - until today it's been over a month since he has had a morning nap there. And for the afternoon nap he rarely does over an hour. I had agreed with the nursery that if he had less than an hours sleep that they would try to get him down again after his dinner at 4ish just for half an hour. But this has also never happened.

Yesterday he only slept for 40 minutes at midday. Today he only slept for 25 minutes at 9.30am!

At the moment he's only in nursery 3 days a week, but from next month he will be in 4 days a week.

Some days he's absolutely exhausted and screams until he goes to bed. Other times he's weirdly fine.

I'm not sure what to do really! I know I need to be more firm with nursery. But has anyone else been in the same situation? Does it get better? Is there anything I can do to help him sleep better at nursery. He has a dummy for use in his naps at nursery. Any other ideas? He doesn't ever use a teddy or comforter, should I try to introduce one?

I had exactly the same problem when my son started nursery. Is it that they're not trying to get him to sleep or that he doesn't go to sleep?

Unfortunately some children just don't sleep much at nursery compared to when they're at home - either they get woken easily, don't relax fully (as they're used to sleeping in a dark room) or just push through due to FOMO.

It got a lot easier for us when DS dropped the morning nap but I had a lot of screaming. It's awful for both of you after a long day. I feel your pain.

Thanks for the reply.

It's a bit of everything really - I think he's fighting sleep, is too distracted by the other babies and he has total FOMO. But also, I think the staff haven't tried to get him to sleep later in the afternoon at all. As I said, I agreed with them that if he had less than an hours sleep that they would try again to get him down after his dinner at around 4pm. Just for half an hour. But just enough to get him through to bedtime. I don't think that is happening.

As I said, until Tuesday he hadn't had a morning nap there for over a month (he still has one when he's with me). But on Tuesday he napped for 25 minutes at 9.30am and then had nothing for the rest of the day. I'm inclined to ask that they scrap the morning nap altogether, because even if he does only sleep for half an hour, it's surely better for that to happen at midday rather than so early in the morning.

DS was terrible at napping at nursery. I am fairly sure it was FOMO and too many distractions. Your DS may also be getting to a place where he could drop one nap a day.

Could you suggest dropping the morning nap and see whether that helps him to nap for longer after lunch?

I know you said in your OP that you need to be 'more firm' with them but I would really advocate pitching it as 'how can we work together'. All good nurseries will work really hard to follow the home routine and the requests from the parents but it's not easy to just make a baby sleep!

Good luck. I remember it well, as soon as you think you've got one bit of routine sorted it all changes again...

Yeah, I don't think I worded that well in the OP. I don't really mean to be 'firm' with them, because I want to find a jolly my solution.

But I think for now I'll just get them to drop attempting the morning nap (it's rare he has one anyway). And then hopefully he might sleep slightly longer. Fingers crossed!

Out of interest, when do babies usually drop down to one nap a day? I assumed it was later, but maybe he's ready for it? I am able to easily get him to do two naps at home though, so while he isn't fighting it at home I'll keep it up

I'm inclined to ask that they scrap the morning nap altogether, because even if he does only sleep for half an hour, it's surely better for that to happen at midday rather than so early in the morning.

That sounds like a very good place to start. At least give it a try! 9.30am could be a bit early to try to get him to sleep at nursery depending on the schedule. What time does he wake up, and (possibly more important) what time does he arrive at nursery? If he's only been there for an hour or two by that time, and he's fighting it/FOMO, then he may simply be too stimulated, excited about starting his day at nursery, and generally just too worked up to take a nap at that time. (Sounds like a smart little guy :)) That may also get him tired enough to properly nap in the afternoon.

I don't think 13 months is too young to drop from two naps to one, particularly if it's just a real struggle and trying makes him grumpy. I believe the average for dropping to one is ~15-18 months, but obviously some go earlier and some are later, and some transition back and forth. If he'll take the nap at home but won't at nursery, then maybe that will work for him, but you may try keeping him up at home and bumping his afternoon nap to earlier, to try easing the transition at nursery?

Whatever you can do to get them to sleep, I say!!

He wakes between 6.15 and 7am usually. He gets to nursery at around 8am usually.

That's good advice to try to just drop the nap and move the afternoon nap forward to ease the transition at nursery. Will see how it goes!

DS was around 13-14 months when he dropped to one nap a day. I think that's fairly early but he was pretty much sleeping 7pm-7am by then and fingers crossed has always slept well at night, just not in the day.

Saying that, he dropped all naps by 2.5 years and even now will rarely nap during the day - I was always slightly envious when other children would just nod off in the car, on planes, in their dinner!

Yeah my son sleeps really well at night - put him down at 7 and, as I say, he will go straight through to between 6.15/7. And obviously on the nights after he has been at nursery he usually does the full 12 hours. So maybe he is just getting enough sleep.

dd1 & I started nursery when she was nearly 1. She was with the babies & I worked with age 3 upwards. She would only sleep 1/2hr max, too nosy to settle, then with best will in the world nursery can't replicate the dark, quiet atmosphere she was used to for nap time at home. We did full days Tues/Wed/Thurs. I remember Thursday nights used to be a case of getting some food down her & straight to bed. Then on a Friday I'd take her swimming & she'd fall asleep in car on way home, let me transfer her to her cot & she'd sleep for about 3hrs while I caught up with programs, I mean chores.
A mum of one of the 3yr olds that I looked after used to be insistent she was to have a nap so she could spend time with her at night. Can't remember what her job was but she used to leave before nursery opened at 7.30 so the little girl had already been up, dressed spent an hour at gran's before being dropped off and she was one of the last to be collected - near enough 6 every night. You'd think she'd be shattered and want a nap but again she was just too scared she was missing out. It wasn't for the lack of trying on our part, she just wouldn't settle. The mum used to be very angry with the nursery staff because it was our fault she wasn't getting quality time with her daughter

Well yes, I understand that he won't get as much sleep as he does at home. But hopefully things will improve when we drop his morning nap.

And I see what you're saying, but I can't help but sympathise with the lady you're talking about. I wish childcare and the cost of living wasn't so stupidly expensive so I could stick to 3 days a week. On the days I work I have to leave before my son wakes up, and my partner gets to give him his morning bottle and he gets him when he is at his most gorgeous and bubbly. So it is sad that I have to pick him up when he's grumpy, and if I did work full time that would upset me. Not saying she was right to get angry. She wasn't at all.

Anyway, that's a whole other debate 😂

He wakes between 6.15 and 7am usually. He gets to nursery at around 8am usually.

Oh yeah. He's been up for a while, but he's really only just got to nursery, with all the other children, all the toys, the colours and sounds, the people and activity everywhere. I can see why he doesn't want to go down for a nap at that time! He's got things to do and people to see! :)

It's earlier than the average, but IMO that doesn't mean anything as all kids are different, so there's nothing wrong with at least trying to drop that nap.

I do hope it works out for you and he's not as grumpy when you pick him up!