Sleep help getting desperate

[Sittingintheshade]

Just wondering if anyone can give any advice as, like the title says, I'm feeling pretty desperate and no idea what to do. It's been awful for the last month or so and not sure how long I can cope like this

7mo has good bedtime routine - bath at 7.30, brush teeth, stories then usually asleep by 8ish. Falls asleep in my arms then transfer to cot, dummy in mouth.

Give last feed at 10.30ish, sometimes he wakes, sometimes doesn't but isn't too hard to settle. All ok till 1/2am.,,..wakes and I start by sticking dummy back in mouth. On the rare occasion he'll fall asleep but mostly I have to lift him out and settle in my arms then try to transfer back into cot.

He then wakes up hourly, whether I'm holding him, he's in our bed or in the cot. Then first feed at 6am. I find it hard to sleep as I'm always on edge to see if he'll sleep.

I've tried feeding in the night, calpol/dentinox (he's been teething), sleepyhead, Ewan the dream sleep, shushing, patting, cosleeping, more clothes/less clothes, heating up/down. I just don't know what to do.

I go to bed early but I'm also pregnant which doesn't help. I'm starting to panic about having two. Reluctant to do anything like cry it out as have read some awful things about it. But I feel like I'm breaking. Sorry for epic post but grateful for any advice please

I'm not an expert but I imagine that falling asleep in your arms then transferring to the cot may be part of the problem. Have you tried in cot settling? We done it gradually by first putting LO in very drowsy, patting to help go to sleep and over time have built it up to putting LO in cot at bedtime fully awake, giving a few pats then leaving the room. LO is usually asleep within a few minutes but if they start crying we go back in and reassure them without lifting out of cot. We get the odd night where we have to go in a couple of times but LO generally settles well.

That's just my suggestion, I'm sure someone with more experience will be along to help.

We were trying to gradually stop that. Had started putting him down in room he goes to seek in. Only holding him till he falls asleep with a view to eventually putting him down awake

In the night though it's so difficult to settle him in any way

So sorry @sittingintheshade. Usually I would say sidecar the cot so you can have as much rest as possible while settling babe but if you're pregnant this is very tough for you. As above I imagine getting him to sleep IN the cot might be the best way for you. I can't advise on how to do this as my 7mo won't go down awake or drowsy. She basically had two settings - wide awake or fast asleep! Hope you can manage it somehow xx

We were trying to gradually stop that. Had started putting him down in room he goes to seek in. Only holding him till he falls asleep with a view to eventually putting him down awake

Were, past tense? Have you stopped doing this now?

The reason he wakes frequently in the night is because he's not going to sleep where he stays asleep. So he goes into a light sleep phase in his sleep cycle, does a brief environment check to ensure all is safe and realises he is not where he was when going to sleep. So brain switches on in the confusion and instead of going back to a deep sleep from the light sleep phase without waking, instead he fully wakes up.

Moving towards in-cot settling is commendable, it's what I'd do. But you need realistic expectations in doing that.while he is going to sleep in your arms and being put in the cot asleep, you will get these frequent wakes. It's just natural consequences. The gentle route is slow to see change so the pay-off is having to continue to deal with night wakes until baby is going to sleep where he stays asleep.

As for why he settles more easily at bedtime compared to after 1am, the answer is down to sleep pressure. His body clock is telling him he is ready for a sleep at bedtime, having had an extended period of time awake. By 1am baby has had 5 hours sleep. Enough sleep to take the pressure off needing to go to sleep. Obviously not enough for a full nights sleep, but it's usual that extra 'work' is needed to get baby back to sleep at this sort of time. Extra comforting that is.

The ideal answer is to stop that wake up completely. That comes from having a sustainable in-cot settling method at bedtime and ensuring ample daytime sleep and calories to allow for deep sleep at night.

If there is a wake up then, progress up the in-cot settling methods. I'd keep the cot next to my bed to make this easier. So progress through things like:

• dummy in, ignore
• dummy in, lean hand over cot and place hand firmly on baby chest
• dummy in, hand on chest, gentle tapping with fingers

(All above done with me staying in bed and not really moving)

• Me sitting up on the bed now. Dummy in, hand on chest, eye contact, shushing, patting
• me leaning into cot with head close to baby's. One hand on chest, other face stroking, shushing, patting, stilling kicking legs or holding flapping arms, dummy reinserts as needed

All this done in-cot without miving baby and 99 times out of 100 would be enough (I was doing these in-cot settling methods from birth though). If baby continues to be distressed with these I would lift baby and feed. But a night feed being a rarity, not a usual need for settling comfort. Then after the feed back into thr cot and reapeat as above, exactly the same as bedtime.

Thank you FATE that's helpful and certainly will try that. We have been moving towards less holding to go to sleep gradually, with a view to putting him in cot drowsy but not asleep. Just not stopping cold turkey.