Helping 2yo learn to fall asleep alone - help!

[SleepBecomesHim321]

Hi all, any advice EXTREMELY gratefully received....

Our 2yo was an excellent sleeper between about 12 and 24 months (e.g. doing 10+ hours straight at night). However, he has never fallen asleep by himself - we've always stroked him to sleep. When he was going for so long this wasn't an issue (40 mins stroking for 10+ hours seemed a reasonable payoff!).

However, for the last 3 weeks (around he time he turned 2), he has been waking up at least once - often twice or more - a night. Each time, we have to get up and settle him, which can take between 20 mins and 1h 20 mins. We need to help him feel ok and able to fall asleep without us there.

Other things that might be relevant:

• recently took side of cot off (he discovered how to climb out)
• introduced duvet/pillow
• same bedtime routine since 2mo - bath, story, sleep
• tried controlled crying when he was younger. Does not work - even a very short burst of hard crying triggers his gag reflex
• we need to be stroking him when getting him to sleep - even 'stationary' touching isn't enough and he gets distressed
• same for naps as night time
• gets hysterical instantly if he thinks we're leaving room

Does anyone have any recommendations as to how to help him get himself to sleep? I think if he could self-settle then the night time wake-ups might mean he stays in bed and doesn't immediately start howling for us at stairgate!

Thank you v much in advance.

I imagine it is a phase. In the meantime could one of you sleep with him from first night waking to make sure you can sleep better? He'll grow out of it is what I would say! X

Does anyone have any recommendations as to how to help him get himself to sleep?

Carry on stroking, but wean off it

I'd do that by a gradual process. So start off stroking for the entire duration of going from awake to asleep. Then start slowing down and stopping the stroking when baby is calm and still, but restarting if any unsettled behaviour.

So the idea is to work towards stroking being a method to settle baby rather than A method to get baby to sleep.

Tomorrow at nap times, stroke stroke stroke as you were doing. Then once baby is calm and drilling, stop stroking but keep your hand hovering in position. You might stop for only 3 seconds, then if any reaction you start again. Once calm and still, stop stroking, if any slight sign of being unsettled start again. But every single time baby is calm and settled stop the stroking. And every time baby is unsettled start stroking again. But stop once settled.

It may take time. Days, weeks, months. But the length of time you can stop stroking for should gradually lengthen. The long term plan being you just need to stroke for a few minutes to settle, then just stand next to cot and wait for baby to go to sleep. Then start the process of gradual withdrawal.