8 month old still cries EVERY sleep time

[singingpinkmonkey]

Hello.
Just after a bit of advice. My son has never been a great sleeper, especially during the day and I have really struggled to get him in to any sort of nap routine.
He sleeps well on a night time so I'm not too concerned about the amount of sleep he has.
The problem is, no matter how I put him down he will cry and scream before going to sleep. Sometimes it's just 5 minutes but sometimes he can take 30 mins to nod off.

I always stay with him and put my hand gently on his chest but I find it really traumatic to listen to him so distressed.

Does anyone else have to battle with their baby to get them to sleep at this age? I'm a ftm so have nothing to compare it to.

Maybe I'm being a bit naive but I thought by 8 months he would know and be comfortable with sleepy time. We have a nice relaxing routine before bedtime and naptime so don't know why he resists it so much.

I know in the grand scheme of things it could be worse but I hate hearing him so upset and would love it if he could settle himself to sleep.

I'm.going back to work next month and he will be going to.nursery and my MIL. I would really like to think that he will be able to nap when I'm not there.

Anyone got any advice for me?

X

What about in the pram, does motion help settle him? At least for day naps. Or just picking him up and swaying but no rocking, (or sling) in a different room or outdoors so that he doesn't have the association with the usual room he's in. Perhaps with some music to distract him.

Ah no worries @crazycatlady5 I didn't really put enough info in my OP. I do really feel for my baby as I hate him being upset. I'm hoping it's a phase as I didn't realise there is a sleep regression at 8-10 months and there is always good old teething.
He's just learnt to pull himself up to standing position so could be developmental. Either way I may just have to rise it out! X

Thank you @DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen that has made me feel better.

Thanks @INeedNewShoes I think I may be agitating him if I'm totally honest. In my effort to help him I may be actually making it worse!!

Hi @batteriesallgone it could well be teething. I have tried teething gel previously but doesn't really seem to help. I may try some Calpol on his next nap and see if that helps. Poor little man. Thanks for your help

Thanks @bumblingbovine49 that has made me feel much better. It's awful isn't it. I constantly feel like I'm getting it wrong. I try and reason with him and say "look, I know your sleepy so why don't you have a lovely nap. Mummy is jealous she can't have a nap right now but needs to clean all your clothes." I wish he could understand me!!
I'm sure we'll get there in the end but it's horrible at the mo!

Hi @Grayfig thanks for posting. The pram does work after a while but he seems to wake up very easily when we are out and about. He will also only sleep max 30 mins in the pram or car. It's good for naps though. What I may do is put his pram in the garden and rock him there. Might be a bit quieter.

I always seem to encounter bin lorries, ice cream vans and sirens when out! X

Try both Calpol and infant neurofen - at different times obviously - as some babies respond much better to one or the other.

Oh one other thing I didn't mention is that after I've given DD her bedtime feed she goes straight in the cot without any fannying around. I don't communicate with her at all apart from a quick 'goodnight' and then I scarper asap!

Morning op, I hope you're doing ok. It's so so tough to hear little ones cry. I have zero capacity to cope with my Ds crying.

Like yours Ds, mine is also 8 months. He used to cry A LOT during sleep time. After a while I literally couldn't cope with listening so I left the room and closed the door for a couple of minutes just to be able to breathe. I only stayed away for about thirty seconds but the crying became less hysterical. I went back in and the screaming reached fever pitch again.

Pretty much by accident, I learnt that he'd cry because I was there.

Both DH and I have an agreement that we'll never leave Ds to cry. When he's crying we'll try leaving for 30 seconds or so to see if he'll calm or whether there's a genuine problem.

It might be a long road but these days I feed ds and just walk away. Be rarely will he cry now. Interestingly, I can still guarantee he'll cry if I don't leave the room!

I guess I have no solutions, just reassurance. I'm very against leaving them to cry personally but apparently Ds just wants to.be left.alone

Morning! The in and out thing was literally just to lay her back down or a quick it's ok, it's sleepy time - not picking up as that would really annoy her.
If it's not full on crying it sounds like he's using it as a tool to get to sleep. My dd is the same and at 18 months will babble/grizzle before sleep sometimes for 20 mins but now I leave her completely unless she's proper hysterical. The same if she wakes in the night.
I sleep trained dd at 8 months as I was in the same situation as you, as soon as I started leaving her to it she was much happier - it sounds like your ds may be cut from the same cloth! I was kind of annoyed at myself for leaving it til then as I'd obviously been torturing us both by trying to comfort her!
So, our routine was dark room, into sleeping bag, read a book (same one for each sleep time), into cot and leave saying 'sleepy time'. At the start I would then go back in and repeat the words every 2 mins but only had to do that for the first couple of days. I also have white noise on to cover the sounds of the house.
It sounds to me like you're nearly there, it is hard to hear them crying though isn't it as all you want to do is comfort them!

my DD took 30-45 mins screaming as I tried to comfort her then finally falling asleep.

I left her to cry for 2 mins (time it as after 20 seconds u will be convinced it's time up ) then went in said night night time to sleep, wee pat and left again. Took 6 mins then sleeping and by the 3rd night she was going to bed awake and going to sleep happily. I know for you it is nap times but still might be worth a try.

it is hard, but you are having it hard already. Doesn't work for everyone but might be worth a shot.

my ds went though a difficult nap stage and I found in his pram with washing machine worked.

My dd (now 9!) always had a cry before sleep, as though she was letting off steam so she could let go. She turned into an excellent sleeper. And if I intervened or she could see me it was a whole lot worse. So I'd leave her. I had a theory that 7 minutes was the perfect time for her to cry down and get herself off! Dd2 was different, her crying always settled if I was nearby so leaving didn't help. As for dc3, who is 12 weeks, I find he also needs a bit of a howl as I prepare to put him down. He settles much better if he has 'let off steam' for a few minutes. I look at it like that, makes it much more manageable to deal with it.

Apologies in advance if I'm stating the obvious but I was in a similar boat to you and my biggest error was lack of consistency. So, for example, when you cuddled him to sleep and he cried before going to sleep - did you still cuddle him to sleep for every sleep after that for a week? From my understanding, that is how he will then learn that when you are doing that he needs to sleep and no matter how much he cries, your actions will stay the same - you will comfort him while he tries to sleep but will not give in and do anything else.

When I had a similar issue, I tried pretty much everything possible to get her to sleep but she protested and resisted so hard that I didn't persist beyond the tears, and even the few occasions I did, I didn't use the exact same method in the exact same circumstances for long enough to be effective. I resorted to using a sleep consultant who explained to me that it was confusing for her as she couldnt tell what behaviour I wanted her to change when I changed method of putting her down in under a week. She taught me the importance of a consistent wind down routine (mini massage and nursery rhyme in our case) together with consistent sleep environment for her to learn this.

My daughter also gets more agitated if I intervene when she is putting herself to sleep. Sleep training really taught me to listen to her different cries rather than just going straight in and now I feel confident to know when I need to leave her to get to sleep and when she needs comfort. She needs my comfort when she is unwell or going through developmental leaps, all other times me being there is an obstacle to her falling asleep