She is getting increasingly harder to get so sleep

[Jupitertomars]

My DD, almost 12 months is driving me crazy. If I try to get her to sleep in her cot she will fight and refuse to sleep for upto hours.

Nap times are a nightmare. I will rock, sing, put her in cot and sit ar the side, tap her bum anything but she just wont sleep!

She's tired but refuses until one of us eventually gives in. She naps roughly 1-1.5, hours in morning and 1 hour in afternoon.

She sleeps at half 7-8 and wakes between 6-6.30am.

She wakes during the night. I give her one bottle then the rest of the time when she wakes ill just rock her but it can take hours even during the night.

After the bottle she seems drowsy so ill rock her and rock her then place her in cot and she either cries or stands and babbles.

What can I do

Perhaps she doesn't need as much daytime sleep at this age if she sleeps well at night? My 9 month old has just dropped to one nap (30 mins-1hr) which is a bit but he sleeps 12 hours at night and physically would not sleep more in the day and it was miserable trying. Hours of awake time in his cot wasn't doing him any good and was making me crazy, so I've just accepted he isn't much of a napper. He seems tired other times but I know it's pointless to even try and get him to sleep.

Sorry just seen that she also stays awake in the night so my points may not be helpful

You talk about baby "refusing". But you need to really think about that. Your child getting enough sleep is not a choice, it's about his health. Just as a child would not be able to refuse to eat/drink/exercise forever or would be very poorly, sleep is just as important to your child's health.

This isn't about refusing to sleep, it's being unable to sleep via the help being given.

This was a sentence that jumped out at me: "She's tired but refuses until one of us eventually gives in". It needs to not be you that gives in. Going to sleep needs to not be optional in just the same way as baby eating a healthy diet cannot be optional.

Your rocking to sleep at the moment, and that isn't getting baby to sleep. Have you had developed a successful method that does get baby to sleep? Will baby feed to sleep and cosleep? Or are you feeling resilient enough to deal with some stress and distress to sleep train baby to go to slerp sleep in the cot?

You're*

Until one of us gives in ... and does what? Would be helpful to know.

I've just sleep trained my almost 10 month old, only took a couple of nights and the past week he's slept 12 hours uninterrupted at night (he does wakes but settles himself) and also has two naps in day of around 90 mins each. It was stressful listening to him cry but you are teaching him a life skill. I just wish I'd done it sooner.

Thanks for the advice. I used to be able to feed or rock her but now its not working as easily.

By giving in I mean she eventually falls asleep or I take her downstairs and try again in 10-15 mins

Black cat - how exactly did you sleep train?

Im not against sleep training but I have tried and failed in the past. Ive tried simply sitting beside her bed waiting and waiting until she falls asleep, ive also tried lieing her down everytime she stands up. This results in hysterics and sobbing and I doubt myself, feel awful then just do whatever it take to get her to sleep with no tears but again this is now taking over an hour even during the night so its becoming very draining.

Tonight for bedtime I gave her a bottle, she was exhausted and almost sleeping. I placed her into her cot where immediately she sat up and screamed. I stood over the cot repeating to lie down and it was sleeptime. After 30 minutes of intermittent breaks from the crying, she eventually lay down and went to sleep.

Not sure whether its a success or not, I feel awful, like ive scarred her for life but ive not have I? And doing this should result in shorter wake ups during the night? Which is my ultimate goal.

Tonight for bedtime I gave her a bottle, she was exhausted and almost sleeping. I placed her into her cot where immediately she sat up and screamed. I stood over the cot repeating to lie down and it was sleeptime. After 30 minutes of intermittent breaks from the crying, she eventually lay down and went to sleep.

Not sure whether its a success or not, I feel awful, like ive scarred her for life but ive not have I? And doing this should result in shorter wake ups during the night? Which is my ultimate goal.

Pop her in bed with the bottle and she can drink it in bed then roll over and go to sleep.

I agree with taking a baby out of their room if they are unhappy. Our son always comes out of bed if he is not able to be soothed.

Ps. You are doing great. How lovely that you want to make her and your lives easier. X

If he woke in the night, I would leave him for 5 mins, then go in and calmly tell him it was still night time and he needed to go back to sleep. I didn't pick him up or allow any contact. I'd then leave him for 5 mins, if he hadn't settled I would go in and repeat then leave for 10 mins then every 15 mins until he went to sleep.

I've done it at nap time too, put him down, leave for 5 mins, then 10 etc as above. First time I had to go back in twice, second time once then no problems since. For night wake ups he required 3 visits and since then has settled himself. He had previously been waking for a feed which had become a habit so I slowly reduced his feed then watered down the milk before removing it completely.

There are different methods but this has worked for me and some other mums I know. Consistency is key. It's hard listening to them cry but I just thought stick this out for 3/4 nights then I get my life back!

Thanks again for the advice.

Im hoping I see some improvement soon.

I will try the bottle in cot tomorrow and see how she reacts. I don't think ive helped myself really. She has never held her own bottle and I still cuddle her like a newborn whilst giving her it so im not sure if she will kick off if I pop her into her cot with her bottle or not.

Ahh she's extremely determined and has such a strong will whilst also being completely attached to me which just pulls on my heart strings.

With my son he was self settling from before 12 months and I hardly had to do any sleep training at all. She's a whole other kettle of fish.

Is it possible she's having too much day sleep? I think day sleep for around a 1 year old is 2 hours. My little boy who is 1 year on a Saturday averages between 1-2 hours per day (at nursery he doesn't sleep great) and generally sleeps through the night, but wasn't when I was letting him nap for 1+ hours. He was also fighting sleep a lot during daytime which made me consider pushing his naps back half an hour and limiting them. As awful as it sounds, waking him gently helps him to have a decent routine that works for him and enables him to usually sleep the night.

He has 45 mins in morning and between 1hr - 1hr 15 in afternoon depending on how early/late he was up and how decent his sleep was during the night. It doesn't work for everyone but maybe worth a shot. I've never had to let him cry it out.

There's honestly no harm in cuddling your baby.
However you need to help her learn to hold a bottle by herself. That way she can give herself her bottle. I say give her the bottle in bed so pop her in bed and feed her milk to her in bed until she learns to hold the bottle.

This is what we did with my son, we used to hold him and feed him to sleep but by 8 months I think we were actually feeding him in his cot.

Also I know health visitors can be particular and say oh don't feed to sleep etc but I don't think it's fair or necessary to take milk away from a baby who still wants it. I think babies self regulate and they will be less interested in milk as they get older but I don't limit my son who is now 16 months as I see no reason to.