Already really struggling

[MissBax]

My LO is 12 days old and I'm finding the nights so difficult already! I didn't anticipate just how exhausted I'd be. She cluster feeds all night and I find it near impossible to sleep during the day. As the evening approaches I feel my anxiety building to the point I dread going to bed. I had a difficult birth, and am still not fully recovered, which is probably adding to my stress, but I don't know how to lessen my anxiety, it's making me feel really down!

Sorry to hear you had a traumatic birth, hope you're getting plenty of help around the house. The first couple of weeks can be the most tiring. Have you managed to feed her lying down yet? Why are you finding it difficult to sleep in the day?

Firstly congratulations - and secondly, I am sorry you had a traumatic birth.

As trite as it sounds it really does pass - it doesn't feel like it yet, and you'll have moments that it's harder again, but your little one is establishing your supply.

Do you have a husband or partner who can help mitigate some of the tiredness? I know they can't feed, but perhaps in the few hours you get towards the evening/night that your little one is asleep, could he take over the helm so you can get some rest?

Another alternative is to express from one breast whilst your little one is feeding from the other, which means maybe once a day when you feel ready, you could offer her a bottle. Read about about nipple confusion in case you are concerned - a lot of people don't like introducing a bottle this early but it's important your mental health is as stable as possible to continue to look after both of you. I also found the later a bottle was introduced, it was harder to get babies to take a beaker or bottle when it came to introducing them around weaning stage, or if you wanted to have a babysitter for a few hours, or going back to work.

I wish you all the best and if you need any help with breast feeding concerns, there are loads of help from La Leche League x

everyone - yes DH has been amazing, he's doing everything for LO except feeding as I'm ebf (thankfully that has gone well!), and he is basically my full-time carer at the moment too as I can't stand for more than a couple of minutes at a time.
I've never been good at sleeping during the day - my mind races and I just feel too awake if you know what I mean? Have you for any tips to help me relax or try and rest a bit more during the day? Thanks!

Butt - I actually bought a pump last week thinking I could atleast let DH do one fees during the night, but when I mentioned it to the MW she seemed annoyed that I even suggested it so early on and said I should be waiting till atleast 4-6 weeks, as DD would get confused and struggle to breastfeed! So I panicked and shoved it back in its box. Have you got experience of expressing this early on, and has it worked for you?

You say you're already struggling but honestly, the newborn stage is the hardest! After around 4 weeks it got much easier for me and mine is 7mo now, she does wake in the night but I get long chunks of sleep. Promise, this is the hardest time xx

I've got no real experience of pumping this early, have you thought of calling one of the Bfing Helplines and talking it through with them?

As for DH helping, he doesn't have to have a bottle to help you out. Could he get up early in the morning and take her downstairs for an hour so that you get a lie-in? Another way for him to help is for him to take her for a drive or walk in the evening so that you get an hour's rest.

As for sleeping in the day. I'd still go to bed even if you don't sleep. Keep paper and pen so that you can write down anything you're worried about forgetting.. if you just read a book, at least you're resting. If your ,ind really is racing, have you thought about trying guided meditation?

*mind

I expressed from one breast whilst feeding with the other. Even if you don't use the milk immediately (i.e. You want to wait a little longer before introducing a bottle) you can at the least buy a set of bottles/teats and freeze your milk which creates a stash you can fall back on if breastmilk is how you wish to feed for as long as you can.

This means if for whatever reason you are too tired or ill post birth you can resort to letting your DH feed your little one.

I'd suggest reading up on nipple confusion - that's what your MW is alluding to by putting you off using a bottle. But at the end of the day you need to think about your mental health and the options available to you. Cluster feeding is absolutely normal at this stage, but in your circumstances you've clearly had a traumatic time and your MW needs to be a little more considerate rather than making you feel a bottle is a sacred no no. It's not. All your baby cares about right now is safety, warmth and food.

She cluster feeds all night

Try a dummy. While a good hour or two mammoth feeding session through the evening is not unusual, baby should not be latched and feeding all/most of the night.

This suggests baby likes to suck for comfort - So give a dummy.

Also if you haven't already, try swaddling baby with a cot sheet.

The first few weeks are a blur of exhaustion! I swear it gets better!
The thing that helped me was feeding laying down! Research safe co sleeping... it was a god send for me.
I now have a 8 month old EBF baby (who still has really bad nights, and really good nights) but I feel so much better x

I expressed from when she was a few days old and have had no problem continuing breastfeeding (she actually refuses a bottle now 🙄). This was actually on the advice of a number of midwives as well because I was really struggling - it's disappointing that yours aren't supporting you.

For sleeping in the day, maybe try downloading a relaxation app? I like Relax Lite.

Oh and yes, it gets easier!

Every situation is different, but please don't be made to feel bad by a midwife - they all have different opinions, which just goes to show that no one midwife has the one correct answer. I first gave mine an expressed bottle at 12 days, and he took it well, and continued to breastfeed well.

It saved me as my husband then did the first night feed, and I would get 4+ hours sleep, which was amazing.

I think an expressed bottle sounds like a good idea if you have breastfeeding well established, which it sounds like you do - certainly worth a try.

And as PPs have said - it does get easier. Although when people told me that the first six weeks are the hardest when I was 2 weeks in, my only thought was that another 4 weeks would kill me. But it didn't! Mine is now 5 months and I started feeling human again when he was about 8 weeks. You'll get there!

Agree with what Saz said. The first few weeks you really feel like you're not going to be able to do this for much longer. But you do. I'm nearly 7 weeks in and I've already forgotten the intensity of those early weeks. 4 weeks was a turning point for me as I started leaving the house more often (was signed off to drive by the GP) and I didn't obsess about sleep as much. I had an app to try and track sleep but it was just making me dwell on it more.

I remember being very vexed that I couldn't always sleep when the baby slept, because he was asleep on me, and if I moved him, he'd wake up so neither of us slept. I can move him during the day now and get jobs done, or have a short nap.

Nights are better too. Not great, but I get at least one chunk a night of 3 hours (sometimes 4). He started going to bed pre-midnight just over a week ago, and that made a huge difference to my wellbeing. For me, it wasn't so much the wake ups, but getting to bed the same day I'd woken up (so before midnight) was what I really wanted.

I personally hated being told it will all pass and to enjoy the baby being so little, but try and remember you've done it so far and can keep doing it.

It does get better OP, hang in there.

I am not a good sleeper and find it hard to switch my brain off. I'd recommend listening to audio books or podcasts and just resting with your eyes closed. I find that will often result in falling asleep! If not there is still value in lying down calmly for an hour where you can.

Also, go to bed early and stay in bed late. A newborn doesn't need to get up for the day by any particular time so if you stay in bed till 10/12/all day it really doesn't matter!

I also introduced a bottle of expressed milk at the 10-12 day mark just so I could get a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep. As a pp said, read up on nipple confusion and just be extra careful with the latch. Mine is now 10 months and still ebf so definitely didn't affect us in long term.

With hindsight, I'm so glad I did introduce it early as all my friends who waited until 6 weeks had babies who refused all bottles (anecdotal I know!). We did have phases of bottle refusing as she grew older but at least she took it well enough for me to be able to leave her for 2-4 hours if I needed to.