DD playing up for me. Hints please

[WorkingBling]

DD is a good sleeper and always has been. She's 2 and a half and slept in large chunks from around 8 weeks, then through the night fairly reliably from about 6 months. Because she always fell asleep quickly, until she was about 18 months she largely fell asleep on us and then we'd transfer her, no problem. if she woke in the night, we'd usually go in and give her a pat and a new dummy and she'd go straight back to sleep. Worst case, one of us would have to lie next to the crib for a while holding her hand.

Then as she got older, sleep took longer and we decided to try getting her to go to bed without being asleep. We had mixed success but over time, DH has cracked it. It does take quite a long time and he does give her lots of cuddles and pre-bed time, but eventually he leaves her room and she says good night and goes to sleep. In the night, if she wakes up, he goes in, rubs her back for a minute or, at an absolute push, picks her up for five minutes of cuddles (this happens only now and again. mostly he just finds her dummy or pats her back).

If I put her to bed however, she cries and screams and generally gets incredibly overwrought if I leave the room. Ditto, if I go in at night she will cry and beg until I pick her up and then doze in my arms so that if I try to put her down she immediately wakes up screaming.

Clearly I am being played. I know this. However, I am not the kind of parent who can leave her child to cry in this situation. Plus, she gets so upset that it becomes massively bad for everyone as she eventually becomes completely inconsolable and will even vomit. She then gets more clingy during the day.

Incidentally, this probably started when she was getting separation anxiety from me during the day, but, largely, that has stopped now and I can happily leave the house with her standing in the doorway waving me off.

Any tips? Sorry this has been so long. But I don't know what to do and I hate it. Poor DH lands up putting her to bed every night. I want to do bedtime and I want us to be able to swap.

I personally don't agree with the term 'being played' as it assumes children at aged 2 are capable of manipulation when really they're not until much much older. Definitely just sounds like she had separation anxiety when it comes to you, sounds great your DH has no trouble settling her though sorry I can't offer any advice I just wanted to say I think it's normal and I hope it passes for you soon. I'm sure someone with some tips will be along soon x

Any tips?

Yes, do bedtime together for a few months.

I wouldn't force the issue and insist she settles for only you when she clearly settles better for DH (for now). Just commit to both being involved in bedtime every night.

At first DH might do most of bedtime, but with you both there. Gradually take over various small aspects of bedtime, but with you both there.
An example would be with reading the book

• Sat on chair on Dads knee, dad reads
• Sat on floor/bed on Dads knew, mum next to you, dad reading
• Sat on floor between mum and dad, dad reading
• Sat on Dads knee, mum reading
• Sat on mums knee, dad reading
• Sat on mums knee, dad next to you, mum reading

You get the idea. It's about not forcing the issue, but encouraging her to get used to both of you.

I also describe it as 'playing me' because it is was is happening. My daughter is 27 months and does the same thing.

About 5 out if 7 nights she will go to bed calmly but she will always try and delay it. She will ask for a drink, ask to brush her teeth again, ask for the light on, ask for it off, ask for a doll, ask for talking time, ask to sing the rainbow song, literally anything.

With anyone else she will just go to sleep but like you, I want to do bedtime.

Sometimes she cries because she just so badly doesn't want to sleep just yet. I think it is separation anxiety and after asking a lot of people it just seems to be a phase however a long long long one.

I bought a gro clock that has made her understand it is bedtime and I so thinkni has worked a bit cos I just repeatedly say it's bedtime now look the stars are out.

I sit with her until she is asleep.

Some won't agree with it. But it won't last forever and I'm happy to have the half hour chill time lying quietly with her whilst she drifts off to sleep.

My daughter is the same whereby she will wake once or twice but literally I tell her to go back to sleep and she does.

My advice would be to make sure you have bed time routine, dad says goodnight and tell her he has gone to sleep too or if she asks for him say that he is just fetching something or doing the washing up. Lay quietly and just repeatedly tell her it's bedtime. She will understand sooner or later. She just wants you there which is something I adore.

Thanks all. A few points:
If I'm there, she doesn't go to sleep. She has a remarkable capacity to stay awake, or half awake, without being too disruptive! Monster.

I do like the idea of us doing it together a bit more. Currently I get her ready for bed then DH goes in for the last bit. But maybe I should hang about a bit and start leaving with him etc. It's a good idea and I'll think about it.

crazycatlady I take your point. I didn't mean to suggest she's been manipulative. In fact, if I genuinely thought that, I'd feel no guilt just leaving her. But I don't because she IS upset. Even if it isn't rational etc, and I am not willing to put her through that.
Rather, I meant that her response to me has nothing to do with her ability to go to bed alone, which she has repeatedly proven she can do. Poor choice of words on my part.

Hi Op my post sounded incredibly patronising and maybe passive aggressive I totally didn't mean it to and I hope you didn't take it that way x

crazy I didn't! I understood what you meant and agreed!

But Dh and I have talked and have agreed the suggestion upthread is a good one. Ease her into it with me sticking around for more etc. We'll try once we're settled back into school for ds.