New Mummy help needed

[KarenM85]

I have a 4 day old who simply will not sleep anywhere other than on me following a feed. For the past two nights he has constantly fed, generally falling asleep during and ending up suckling, as soon as I try to move him to crib/sleepyhead he screams to the point where only latching bk on will comfort him. My husband feels helpless and neither of us has slept in two days making it all seem so much harder.

Last night the only rest we got was when I allowed him to stay latched whilst laying down to feed however this wasn't ideal as I was really uncomfortable. My milk has started to come through so hoping once this is established he may not need to feed constantly. Any help/guidance really appreciated, from an exhausted first time mummy!

At 4 days old, this is how baby will be (Google 4th Trimester). There is no magic potion. You however need to find a way to get some sleep to recover from the birth. Your husband has not given birth so don't worry about his exhaustion, it will be nothing compared to yours. Send him off for a stretch of sleep to refresh himself, and then put him on baby duty while you sleep in between feeds (get him to do skin to skin with baby). If you can't get baby away from you, get your OH to just watch you while you sleep to ensure baby is safe and so you can relax a bit without worrying about squishing baby etc. This is such a hard bit but it will pass. Also get a sleepyhead, amazing.
If this is your first you will feel so much shock that your life has changed so much but you will get it back! Congratulations on your baby!

Nice warm milk smelling mummy with heartbeat or cold silent sleepyhead.........know which one i would choose! Congratulations, the first few weeks are so so hard and he is only 4 days old. Once your milks in he will sort himself out with feeding but for now its a big scary world from the one that he was used too. As for sleep you will have to take it in turns if your dh is on paternity leave, oh and learn to cat nap, i am the master of the 20 min sleep in my house 😆

Sorry just saw you already have a sleepyhead!! It will be amazing eventually

Look at kelly mom cluster feeding. It's so normal. It's exhausting but yes it will setitle once your milk is established.
Dh can help by keeping you fed and hydrated.

Will he sleep on your DH? Then at least you can sleep in shifts! Only way I survived the first weeks/ months with DS1.

And congratulations! The sleep deprivation is a killer but it really doesn't last forever.

Use a swaddle.

Almost universally babies in their first week are soothed by the tight, cramped, enclosed, protected feeling that mimics how they felt in the womb.

You don't need anything fancy to swaddle. A large flat cot sheet or giant muslin are fine - both buyable for just a few pounds.

Thank you for your comments, im really grateful- midwife came today and he may have tongue tie which could be contributing. For the first time today he slept skin to skin on my husband so fingers crossed he will do this again. It probably hasn't helped my milk has just come in and I'm a hormonal wreck!
Midwife suggested that following a feed I try put him down instantly and not allow him to fall asleep- after a night of trying this with no success I'm reluctant to keep doing this as it stresses him out so much instantly, anyone experienced this? What did you do?

Ugh, the 'put them down awake' thing really bugs me. I tried constantly with my newborn until I spoke to so many women who confirmed it is NORMAL for a baby, especially a newborn, to fall asleep on you. My 7 month old now falls asleep lying next to me but she slept on me for all naps until about 4 months old. I recommend looking into safe cosleeping as it's a lifesaver and a wonderful thing to do. However if this isn't for you, @FATEdestiny has some great tips on encouraging independent sleep that aren't as simple as just putting them down wide awake. for you mama, you'll get through this xx

Midwife suggested that following a feed I try put him down instantly and not allow him to fall asleep

That's two different things and I think you may be misunderstanding your midwife suggestions.

It's largely impossible not to feed a newbie to sleep. This is widely accepted and if you can't feed baby to sleep this suggests a feeding problem. All healthy babies will be feeding until asleep at this age.

That said, you can (should - if you're aiming for baby sleeping independantly) put baby down straight after the feed. At a week old that basically means:

• breastfeed to sleep
• when baby unlatches (asleep) lift floppy baby into your shoulder for a wind. This rouses slightly but baby probably will go back to sleep on in your shoulder while being winded
• put baby down to sleep.

That last bit sounds easy doesn't it? It is easy when you know how, but requires some subtle behaviours to get there.

Firstly, recreate baby being held by swaddling. Quite tightly around shoulders. I'd actually do this after feed, before winding. Wind baby whilst swaddled. The swaddle also reduces stimulation so baby doesn't notice being put down so easily.

So with baby asleep on your shoulder after winding, position yourself next to where you're putting baby to sleep. Bend at the waist so baby stays next to your torso, in your shoulder until you are horizontal just over the mattress.

Lower baby last few cm to the mattress but bent over close. Feeling your breath, hearing you remains important. As your body moves away from baby, place your hand across baby's chest. This is to replace the feeling of being close to you.

Wait, don't pull away. If baby squirms or is disturbed, try shushing. Try a dummy, they are amazing. Stay close though with your hand on baby's chest and face close to baby's face until all calm and asleep. If crying lift and go back to shoulder swaying and repeat. Then very slowly extract yourself once fully asleep.

At 4 days old this is not about putting baby down awake. Independant sleep is just about finding gentle ways to put baby down rather than holding baby for the duration of the nap. If that's what you want to do, of course.

OP, as PP have said, do read up on safe co-sleeping, if this is something you'd be willing to try. It was a lifesaver for me in the early months with all 3 DC, and once you master the art of bf lying down on your side, it's a great way for everyone to get some sleep. I only read up about the fourth trimester afterwards, but it makes perfect sense to me.
Good luck!