Daycare and sleep.....Zzzzzz

[KJM2013]

My 13mo has started daycare at nursery 3 days a week. She has had very little in the way of naps (too excited? doesn't trust surroundings? not the same sleep conditions as home? she has her sleep bag and familiar toys to help) and since the first day is up over 2 hours about 3am (although goes to bed at 6.30 really easily and we don't hear a thing until 3). She just will not settle again for over 2 hours, tossing, turning and yelping in such a tired way. She has been sleeping really well for months. The couple of days since daycare she has napped well again at home but just seems so tired and grumpy and is still up screaming at 3, is she overtired or something else? No signs of illness, sleep conditions as usual at home.
Seriously considering not going back to work if daycare is going to make my little girl so grumpy ☹️

Oh bless you and her! Sorry no advice as mines a lot younger just didn't want to read and run.

Perhaps it's just the 'newness' of the situation and it'll work itself out?

How do you usually get her to sleep at home? If you rock her to sleep or similar, are daycare attempting this or do they just put her down and leave her (if you do this already then obviously that wouldn't be the issue).

X

I think it takes them a little while to get used to nursery. My daughter didn't sleep well there when she first started.

Seriously considering not going back to work if daycare is going to make my little girl so grumpy

Would it be helpful if me to agree with your consideration there? Or very, very unhelpful?

I went back to work when DC1 was 9 months old and I was already 4 months pregnant with DC2. I only worked a term (teacher) between maternity leaves and then after 12 months maternity from DC2 I just knew I wouldn't do it. For the 12 weeks I was contractually obliged to work I was not a good parent, a good teacher, a good wife, a good friend or very much of a good person.

My children didn't cope well being away from me a d I didn't cope well being away from them. We couldn't really afford to halve out our household income but you know what? We managed.

10 years and two additional children later... being a SAHM* is the best decision I ever made

(I say SAHM but I actually run my small, independant online business that keeps my mind active and earns a little)

What an unhelpful post FATE Bully for you that you and your children couldn't bear to be parted, obviously us working mothers couldn't give a shit about our children.

Not everyone has the option to halve their income and manage. If we halved our income we wouldn't be able to keep a roof over our heads or afford to eat.

I would give my right arm to spend every day with my DS but unfortunately I have to work. Your post does nothing to help the OP who might be in a similar situation, all it does it show her that if she cared about her DD enough she would give up work. Instead she's destined to a life as a poor mum, a poor employee, a poor wife and a poor friend. A pretty all round poor person.

Yes your post has touched a nerve and yes I have taken it personally when perhaps I shouldn't have done but it is not helpful or kind to imply that mothers who put their DC into childcare are somehow lesser or doing a disservice.

Anyway, OP apologies for getting sidetracked.

I would say chat to the nursery to see whether there is a mismatch between how you get her to sleep and the method they use. Also give her time to adjust, it's a big change and she's at an age where she's able to notice this.

:(

It was never meant as unhelpful. I hope the op doesn't take it as such.

I've just read past your first line MissO. I am so sorry I hit such a nerve for you, it was by no means intended.

I read as though the op was thinking of giving up work as a consideration, so was giving my thoughts on that in direct relation to her opening post. I absolutely do not, in any way, consider children in childcare somehow lesser or receiving a disservice. That was in no way my intention and I apologies without reserve if you felt that.

I mentioned we couldn't afford to halve our income, I am not lying there. We couldn't afford it. What i didn't mention was that emergency surgery, extended hospital stay, something called Caudia Equina Syndrome and a 1 year convelessence (whilst I had a 2yo and a 1yo) immediately proceeded my time as a SAHM. So my hand in giving up work was somewhat forced, but I didn't feel that relevant to mention.

I just meant that we did manage. You do when these sorts of things happen and you have no choice. So the op, anyone, could try making it work. In my case our life is very different now to what it would have been if I worked (fewer children for a start - my medical emergency shifted my priorities significantly). But a different life, with a different budget, need not be just as great.

I never for a moment thought I could even go part time, so certain was I we needed the income. I was wrong. You might be too.

Maybe my post wasn't helpful, I don't know and im not sure. But I did want to wave the flag for the non-wealthy stay at home mums amount us who don't have lots of things, but have lots of time. I make no comparisons or judgments in that. I know many working mums who have much better lives than I do. I know many working mums who wished they had my life. Both are ok.

No-one needs to be bashing either SAHM or working mums. We can all support each other.

It's a phase while she is settling in
She will adapt and so will you
Try to discuss it with her key person and see if they can try and do the same as you do to get her to sleep
the staff will want the same as you so just keep telling them about her routine and what you want them to do to keep her routine

Thank you so much for your apology @FATE, not something you see much of on MN and I appreciate the time you have taken to write such a lengthy response.

Can I please apologise too? I go back to work on Monday after 9 wonderful months with my DS and it's a little difficult. I read your post and got too upset by it. But that's my problem and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. PMT isn't helping matters either! I even cried today thinking about not having lunch with DS on Monday!

Again, I'm sorry sneaks away quite embarrassed

How long has she been at nursery? My DS started nursery when he was 13 months, and didn't nap for the first 2 weeks, but then was fine. And in fact would happily just lie down and go to sleep there at nap time whereas at home he was a nightmare to get to sleep for naps or bedtime! He just needed a couple of weeks to settle, get used to it, and then it was all ok. If they've just started it'd be worth giving it a bit of time to see she settles ok.