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I've created a dummy addict (3.5 months)

20 replies

CoxsOrangePippin · 31/08/2017 21:43

I worry I've made our baby much more dependent on a dummy than is good for his or my sleep. He is 3.5 months. Since he was about 8 weeks we've been trying to be really consistent - put down sleepy but awake, white noise, dummy, hand on chest. At night also a swaddle with one arm out. But now he won't go to sleep without the dummy which also means if he rouses in the night he can't fall back asleep at all.

The thing is I think he's got a strong sleep association with the dummy that goes beyond his need to suck. He wants me to hold it in his mouth but he doesn't necessarily suck on it at all - if he does, it's mostly sort of paddling it with his tongue without actually making a vacuum and sucking properly. So if he's properly awake I have to hold it there for ages, because otherwise it falls out as he is hardly sucking it.

What should I do?

Tonight he's woken four times in the last 90 mins needing his dummy putting back in, fortunately he has gone back to sleep quickly each time so far. On other nights the waking might be much longer. Occasionally he still sleeps soundly between his night feeds!

(For context, daytime naps are short but frequent with about 90 mins awake time. He is bf with a formula dreamfeed that DH does. At night he is in a sleep nest thing inside a crib sidecar'd to our bed. He has two night feeds, the problem is when he wakes not hungry.)

OP posts:
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CoxsOrangePippin · 31/08/2017 21:45

Sorry for the essay. TL;DR: my baby wants me to hold a dummy in his mouth but only half sucks it.

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Gem1010 · 31/08/2017 21:53

My little one was a sucky baby from day 1! She never found her thumb (which I'm glad about as you can't take it away!) So we tried a dummy and it worked treat. We tried feeding thinking she was hungry but she just spat up all the time. She just wanted to suck.

She went through a phase of sucking it so hard it popped out and I had to keep putting it back in. It was just a phase though.

I put about 4 dummies in the corner of her crib and she knew where they were and just learnt to find another in the night.

She is 27 months now and still has a dummy. But only for sleeping and if she is totally shattered or upset.

We will eventually take it away completely but she is happy and there's no rush.

Ignore what they say about speech development and dummies. My daughter has zero problems talking, her speech is brilliant!

Gem1010 · 31/08/2017 21:55

You could always try swapping it for a different comforter if he isn't into sucking. Have you seen the Taggie range? Babies love to fiddle with the tags.

BayLeaves · 31/08/2017 21:58

I don't think 3.5 months is really old enough to have proper "sleep associations" and it's barely out of the newborn stage, they have such a strong need to suckle... for all you know he could be sleeping even worse without the dummy or be comfort feeding more at night... Totally normal to need some form of help settling in the night at that age.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 31/08/2017 22:00

Lose the dummy. It's not working for you anymore, and is causing you more sleep deprivation. Very unfortunate that he's got to this stage so early; I managed nine months with DS1 before he needed it replaced every bloody forty five minutes, so I decided to combine sleep training with losing the dummy. But he is young enough to get into a dummy-less routine. Good luck.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 31/08/2017 22:02

Also agree with Bay that 3.5m is very little. DS2 is just 12w and although he doesn't like a dummy at night time, he is still fed to sleep (one or two overnight feeds).

CoxsOrangePippin · 31/08/2017 22:02

No luck yet with tous/blankies, maybe because he can't yet grasp. I feel that would be ideal once he can grasp but I would also need to find a way of breaking the dummy dependence... not putting it back in just makes him cry.

OP posts:
CoxsOrangePippin · 31/08/2017 22:08

Yes he is so young, I am happy to help him settle but I feel I've made him sleep worse on this front. He rarely feeds to sleep because my milk is a bit fast so he needs to concentrate on managing it.

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Unipig · 31/08/2017 22:11

I have a baby the same age, who does the same with regards to just liking it in her mouth but doesn't really suck, but luckily for us once she's asleep and it falls out she's fine. I think it might be worth trying a few nights where you don't put it back in, just do the shushing and soothing without it and help him self settle. If he isn't sucking it he's not really dependent on it and you might be able to quite easily drop it.

CoxsOrangePippin · 31/08/2017 22:36

Unipig, the funny thing is that it falling out doesn't wake him, but if he wakes he needs it to fall back asleep.

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FATEdestiny · 01/09/2017 08:40

I'm not sure if what you describe he does with the dummy is akin to flutter-sucks a breastfeeding baby does at the end of a feed when going to sleep. Not really productive sucks but a comforting thing to get from light sleeping dozing into a deeper sleep.

When a baby goes to sleep their muscles relax, including jaw and mouth muscles. This causes the dummy to drop. In smaller/younger babies who have less developed muscles, it drops moire easily. But if baby is still in the flutter-suck stage and not yet in a deep sleep, the it will wake baby.

Its a very similar thing happening to a breastfed baby who wakes when unlatched, only the dummy ius the independent sleep version oif this.

As with the bf baby who doesn't deal well with being unlatched early from a feed, you can solve this with asleep training and alot of crying. Not a cats chance in hell I would consider that at 3 months old. Plus you'd lose the simplest and easiest method of going to sleep independently without crying. Long term

falling out doesn't wake him, but if he wakes he needs it to fall back asleep

That is the purpose of a dummy. It has no effect on staying asleep, no effect on deep sleep vers light sleep. No effect on waking frequency. Just when baby wakes it makes going back to sleep very much easier and quicker.

There is absolutely no way I would stop the dummy. Plus outs a SIDS risk to stop, but there's no way I would anyway. Dummies are amazing.

It does sound like you have some unrealistic expectations though. Is this your first child, if not how was sleep for your other children?

CoxsOrangePippin · 01/09/2017 10:01

I hadn't thought of it as being like the fluttery sucks FATE but I suppose it is similar. That makes me less worried, if maybe that's just a kind of sucking he needs, rather than something I've artificially created by always sticking a dummy in his mouth...

OP posts:
CoxsOrangePippin · 01/09/2017 10:15

It's my first. I wouldn't say I have unrealistic expectations so much as a lack of expectations at all (as I haven't the foggiest what I'm doing) plus a desire not to mess up! Grin

OP posts:
Barkingtrees · 01/09/2017 10:41

Often the desire not to mess up Is what messes it up

crazycatlady5 · 01/09/2017 10:55

My little one wouldn't take a dummy but would take frequently around that time and all I could do was feed back to sleep - so I was the human dummy I suppose Wink at 7 months she doesn't wake as much, I imagine it might be a similar situation for you. FATE above often recommends leaving a few dummies in the cot as they get older and even sewing one to a sleeping bag - both excellent suggestions.

FATEdestiny · 01/09/2017 12:28

Tonight he's woken four times in the last 90 mins needing his dummy putting back in, fortunately he has gone back to sleep quickly each time

This sounds like his dummy is dropping before he has got into a deep sleep. So he stirs from a light sleep and cries for the dummy back so he can get into a deep sleep.

If it was me I'd take my phone and camp out next to the crib for half an hour as he goes to sleep. Not doing anything, just boring if dummy looks like it might drop and reinserting it before baby wakes fully.

You can tell once in a deep sleep. Mouth goes very slack and sometimes gales. Definately Definitely no sucking happening in a deep sleep because all muscles should be floppy. At that point id move dummy away so it doesn't get squashed under babies face while sleeping.

Then just wait until next wake up, resettle with dummy and if that doesn't work feed.

FATEdestiny · 01/09/2017 12:29

"just being there if dummy looks like it might drop"

AS19 · 29/01/2022 12:29

I’m having this problem now, OP what happened, is there light at the end of the tunnel?

SnackSizeRaisin · 30/01/2022 21:08

I would get rid of the dummy. It's not helping. You can cuddle to sleep instead. Yes there will be crying but in a few days he will be used to it. At 3. 5 months he will be able to get used to not having it more easily than waiting till he's older.

SilverGlassHare · 30/01/2022 21:10

DS was very dummy dependent - we got round the issue of him losing it at night by chucking 8 or 9 in the cot with him so he could always find one at least! But I reckon he was a bit older than your child, maybe 6 or 7 months old…

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