SCREAMING at bedtime - 6 months, please help!

[FatRedCrayon]

DD is almost 6 months. At bedtime, she screams. And screams. And screams.

It doesn't matter if she's had a busy or a calm day, whether she's napped well or not, whether she's tired or not. Early or later bedtimes have not made a difference. Bedtime routine does not make a difference nor does whether it's me or DH trying to settle her.

She'll have boob before bed and feeds well, initially seem to settle, then kicks off with the screaming. We'll leave her for a few minutes, pick up and rock her to calm her down (or she'll continue to scream as she's held), put down again. Then repeat for an hour or more until she either passes out from exhaustion or falls asleep on us and we put her down and doesn't wake.

She won't take a dummy (she'll occasionally suck on one but prefers her fingers - but won't entertain either as she's too worked up). No allergies or intolerances, just started weaning but no differences there.

Can someone please tell me what in hell I'm doing wrong to have such an unhappy and distraught child at bedtime when the rest of the day she's a happy little soul? She goes down for naps without nearly so much fuss. My nerves are shot, I never get an evening and I am at the end of my rope. Feels like my only option is to let her cry it out each night but I simply don't want her to sob herself to sleep.

You can probably tell I'm typing in between screaming bouts, can't you?

Does she scream while you're holding her or just when you put her down? It sounds to me like she can't self settle and needs help getting to sleep x

We had this as well, probably round about the six month mark too. We tried to move him from his next to me into his cot with a view to going into his own room soon. Suddenly decided he hated going to sleep at night and I was loathe to let him cry it it so hours were spent on an overtired baby who simply would not shut his eyes and stop whining.

Where does your DD sleep during the day? I think our problem was two-fold: he slept in his buggy during the day, even in the house, or the car so his cot was only for night time, except for when I put him in it if he was howling and I needed a break for five minutes, so I think he began to associate the cot with being upset which made him even more upset.

We started trying to have some time playing in the cot with his toys so he would enjoy being in it and we also started bathing him every night. There seems to be an optimum time after bathing for going to sleep as he cools down. Do you have a mobile above the cot? Some distraction might work until she's sleepy enough to drop off. And white noise - I have a rain maker app on my phone and louder volume may work better than quiet as depends if she needs outside noise drowned out or just the monotony of a sound.

Fingers crossed this is just a phase and it passes soon for you!

crazycatlady she calms down when she's picked her up to begin with, but as time goes on she gets so worked up we have to rock her and bounce her to get her to calm down and she will cry while being held for some time. When she's calmed for a bit she's put back down... so not calm for long!

AutumnGlitterBall she naps just fine in the cot during the day! She'll usually have a little whinge when put down but generally sleeps there fine (also in the car and buggy if we're out). She also has playtime in it while I do chores upstairs or folding laundry in the same room. I also have a white noise app (on my old phone, it is now a dedicated noisemaker. She must be one of the few 6month olds with her own iPhone...)

We had this. It was utter hell on earth - not least because you don't know how many minutes / hours / months you'll have to endure it for. I recall writing a thread v similar to this in fact!
my only (slightly crap) advice is it will pass eventually.
I also wonder in retrospect whether I was so paranoid DD would get overtired I was putting her to bed too early and being too prescriptive about the time she went to bed. Maybe try starting whole bed time routine a bit later...

She'll have boob before bed and feeds well, initially seem to settle, then kicks off with the screaming. We'll leave her for a few minutes...

I wouldn't leave her for a few minutes.

I'd stay right there. Leaving and her screaming is completely destroying the calm that the feed bought her. I would be trying everything I can to keep that calmness going for as long as possible.

My ds was like this. Turned out he had a dairy intolerance. I cut all dairy from my diet and his and it stopped. We also moved him into a bed (mattress on the floor) from 9 months because he screamed every time he saw his cot, he slept much better on the mattress. If you do decide to try cutting dairy then I was told it takes about 2 weeks for all the dairy to be out of your breast milk and out of them if they've been having any. We went through months of laying with ds until he fell asleep but because he didn't get upset when we stayed with him he used to go off quite quickly. From the age of 2 he has laid in bed by himself and drifted off with no real effort from us to change things so it's not forever.

Elgin78 I wondered the same but we've tried earlier and later bedtimes and counting hours since last nap, etc, but not seen any differences. DS was an awful sleeper and he is a lot better at 2.5 so
I know it's not forever, but 'this too shall pass' can't pass quick enough when your nerves and eardrums are being assaulted!

FATEdestiny when I say 'leave her' I mean put her down after the feed, she snuffles for her fingers to suck on then dozes. Then 5-15 minutes after that she wakes and the screaming starts, and all the shush pat in the world doesn't help. I've sat by her cot with a hand on her shushing for an hour before now and it does nothing - so I pick up, soothe, put down again. I don't want to leave her to cry although I do wait a few minutes each time as I've been advised not to pick her up right away...

IDefinitelyWould How did you pin down the dairy intolerance? DD shows no obvious signs of any intolerance, is happy lying down at other times, naps without too much fuss, doesn't hate the cot at other times. I don't want to rule it out (although it would be a PITA as I'm veggie and having to switch to a vegan diet while bf'ing would be awkward, and involve more faff as I'd then need to cook separately for DH and DS).

I've tried just lying or sitting quietly with DD but it makes not one jot of difference whether I'm in sight or not. It doesn't calm her down if
I'm there, she has to be picked up and cuddled to have a chance of calming down. I'd be happy to sit/lie with her if she would then drift off peacefully!

Oh i see. Do you hang around in the room for those 5-15 minutes? Maybe help her keep hands with a good suction in her mouth?

A firm hand on chest through this early settling period can help. With some close-to-the-ear shushing, that might involve a low bend into the cot though. Worth a try.

Sorry if you've mentioned this before but have you tried white noise? From the moment you're feeding and carry on either all through the night (we do) or for at least 20-45 mins. Along with FATES suggestion to keep your hand on her chest during her settling period this might help x

We had this around the 5-6 month mark, he just cried and screamed as he was falling asleep. We just had to hold and rock and cuddle him until eventually he'd fall asleep on us and eventually be exhausted enough to be put down. It will pass but it's hard work when you're in it.

FATEdestiny, crazycatlady yes she always has white noise on. It's on for the feed, the wind down and all night. A hand on her chest sadly seems to do nothing (plus she's wriggly so can't help feeling like I'm basically restraining her)! Shushing close to her also does nothing except for knacker my back - indeed I have moved a dining chair into the room as kneeling by the cot also knackered my knees - so
I can sit next to her to try the shushing/holding instead! Have done that for the last few nights but always have to pick her up as she gets inconsolable.

AprilShowers I'd really like her to be settle independently, so trying to steer away from cuddling to sleep all the time - I've got a toddler as well so don't always have that option as he needs me too. That said, I do sometimes feel it's my only option as she's not getting the hint about this 'drowsy but awake' malarkey!

I do often find just getting them to sleep whichever way possible is the easiest option! I can't imagine my baby ever going down drowsy but awake - she has two settings: wide awake or asleep hehe

What's her routine and how much is she eating and drinking?

LapinR0se she's breastfed, so not sure exactly how much she has, but 5 feeds a day plus usually one night feed. She usually naps then feed on waking. That's her routine really, I've not enforced it. Weaning's only just started so not taking an appreciable amount of food.

Naps - usually 3, she's ready for her next nap about 2-3 hours after her last. She doesn't have a rigid routine (can't, as there's a toddler to entertain too, so we're out a lot of the time), but typically a morning, lunchtime and afternoon nap, either in her cot or in the pram or car seat.

Sometimes if her naps are long she'll not need a third nap. Typically awake from last nap by 4 and bedtime at 7:30 (but actually asleep by 9ish because of the nightly screaming!)

Awake time sounds ok maybe try a 7pm bedtime if you can wangle it with the toddler.
You could do a bowl of porridge (not baby rice but proper porridge) at about 5.30pm to make sure there's no hunger at play

Yes, I'd suggest an earlier bedtime (or a later afternoon nap). If 2-3h is the usual awake time window, then 4pm-7.30pm is stretching that. You want the last awake time before bed being on the longer side, but take it too far and you go into over tiredness.

At 6 months my DD was routinely having a teatime nap starting around 4.30- 5pm, waking 5.30pm. Then an 8pm bedtime.

Have you tried reading her a story? I've read to my boy since he was 3 months old. And he's always been a great sleeper. So, do last feed, pop her down and sit beside the cot and read to her until she drops off. I'd go for a proper book, not a picture book. I read Harry Potter 😂 might help. Might not. 😉 I suggest it because you've said she is ok for the first 5-15 minutes and it just might be enough to keep her settled to drop off...

LapinR0se Thanks, I've been trying that but she's not been too keen. I suspect she's going to be like her brother and reject purees and spoon feeding! I may have to make oatmeal pancakes for her to gum on instead.

Merlins I actually tried a version of that a little while ago when DH wasn't around to help at bedtime. I'd try to settle her, she'd kick off, so I'd tuck her in with the toddler while I read them both stories. She was far too interested though, and it just ended up waking her up. She's a nosy beast, she'd be awake 24 hours a day if she could!

Hi FatRedCrayon, what happened in the end? We are going through this now did you find a solution? Thanks

@NicB38

Not the OP but I went through similar with my DD when she was around 5/6 months old. Bloody awful. She would take hours to put to bed and it was always a show. We often ended up taking her for drives. I've no advice because it really ended up getting better overnight .. she is 8 months old now and generally will fall asleep within 10 minutes, with minimal fussing. We didn't start doing anything different, just seems like she started to 'get' it.

Thanks for your post. She was so good at sleeping but all of a sudden it’s just gone to pot at bedtime. I does coincide with weaning am wondering if that has something to do with it. It’s a guessing game!!