About to lose my sanity

[MotherofKitties]

4 week old baby and she won't sleep or settle unless she's on me, and I'm so paranoid by what all the MW and HV have said about SIDS I daren't fall asleep whilst she's on me but I'm starting to lose the plot from sleep deprivation and I don't know what to do

Can anyone recommend a way to get baby to sleep and sat asleep when transferring from me to crib? Or a safe way for me to sleep with baby on me?

We have a snuzpod, Ewan the sheep, she's combo fed from BF and formula and DH is currently sleeping in spare room as he has her for the first part of the night as it's the only way either of us get any sleep at all.

Any recommendations or tips would be greatly appreciated for this shattered mum

Xx

Poor you, you must be so so tired.

Have you tried a dummy? Sorry I can't remember your OP. We used one at this point to teach her to go to sleep without being rocked etc - held her til nearly asleep, then put her down and put the dummy in. We also put a teddy by her head so there is something soft to stroke (removed after she goes to sleep of course). If she cried we picked her up, rocked her to the same point and put her back down again.

She rejected the dummy at 12 weeks and now settles without it (most of the time)

Buy a Sleepyhead on next day delivery if you afford it - only thing that worked for us!

I co-slept with both mine - safely, I might add. Google safe co-sleeping and get yourself a copy of Three In A Bed by Deborah Jackson. And then enjoy the zeds!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/neuroanthropology.net/2008/12/21/cosleeping-and-biological-imperatives-why-human-babies-do-not-and-should-not-sleep-alone/amp/

Try a gro swaddle and a sleepyhead magic and invaluable baby items for Us

I co slept with mine from 2/3 weeks, was the only thing she would accept. Years later, she's been the best sleeper in town, naps and nighttime. Very chilled.

Sleep with her, it's fine!

google the safe co-sleeping guidelines. I slept with both of mine from newborn to about 6 months.

Wasn't there research that showed SIDS is far more common in countries where we don't co-sleep? It used to be called cot-death after all. I'm not saying that to scare you, I just think it's nonsense that a parent shouldn't sleep with their baby.

Congratulations op, and it does get easier, I promise

Sleepyhead in the snuzpod.

Here are a few things that work: once you get the sleepyhead, if you have the snuzpod with the side down, this is what you do:

1. Line the sleepyhead with a tshirt you've been wearing so it smells like you
2. Warm it with a hot water bottle before you put the baby in.
3. When you put them in - first make a gap so you can fit down where the side is open, allowing you to get up really close to the bottom of the crib. Bend right over as you put the baby down so the baby is against your body right until they are in the sleepyhead. Then push it back against the bed again.
4. Once you've put them down, put Ewan on and pat their chest rhythmically for a minute or two to make sure they are sent right off to sleep.
5. If it doesn't work the first time, wait 10 minutes then try again. Repeat one more time. If 3 transfers fail, give up and wait for the next sleep cycle. (You don't want them to take against the crib and sleepyhead by upsetting them too many times)

If none of that works, you can use the sleepyhead to co-sleep without having to fully co-sleep.

But just to point out, &
shockshockhorror is incorrect - it absolutely isn't more common in countries that don't co-sleep, there are many studies available and none of them say that.

I was hallucinating at 2 weeks from sleep deprivation. I caved and started bedsharing. Best thing I ever did and still do 7 months in.

Can anyone recommend a way to get baby to sleep and sat asleep when transferring from me to crib?

Dummy and swaddle.

Or a safe way for me to sleep with baby on me?

Sleeping on you is dangerous. Sleeping alongside you can be safe.

Thank you for all your suggestions, I'm going to look into this sleepyhead thing asap! She will settle in her snuzpod for my DH but not for me; I don't know if it's the smell of the milk on me or what but she just always wakes up if I try to put her down no matter how long I leave her, keep my hand on her etc etc!

And noted PP about sleeping next to me rather than on me, I will look into safe co sleeping, I just feel really nervous about accidentally hurting her or rolling onto her. I will look into all your suggestions though, thank you all for taking the time to reply! Xx

OP breastfeeding mothers have an inbuilt biological mechanism to prevent them from overlaying their babies - it's all in the positioning (if you're feeding lying down, you've got your arm raised to stop you rolling).

You can put the sleepyhead in the bed next to you if you feel safer doing that?

Respisense monitor relieved my anxiety over sids and got me some sleep! 5 years ago..

Try warming her bed with a hot water bottle before you put her down, and put either a t-shirt of yours or a muslin that smells of you in the bed so she can still smell you 😊

Swaddle worked wonders for us

Fennella I'm not sure. This is just one of many google hits that would argue my point. Although admittedly I haven't read the actual studies these articles are based on so I accept I may be wrong.

www.parenting.com/article/ask-dr-sears-co-sleeping-a-sids-danger

But there's no actual science there, just a few references to anecdotal anthropology?

I did do some co-sleeping early on but like you I was very nervous and didn't find it restful (even though it was safe). That said, if you're likely to fall asleep unintentionally you'd be much safer co-sleeping than you would sitting up with the baby on the sofa. Carry on splitting the night for now if you can - it does help. Take every opportunity to rest even if you can't sleep - could your DH take your DD till 12 ish and then get up an hour early for work, giving you another hour then? Could he use some flexitime to get home a bit earlier? Could someone else help you with the odd hour in the day? Then for the night forget the Ewan for now. The only thing that has worked for us is loud - really loud - continuous white noise. Youtube has a whole range of videos - hoovers, hairdryers, static - that will run for hours. And try a Grosnug. Another option is sleeping in the carry cot from the pram if that's approved for overnight sleeping - DS seemed to feel cosier in there. I'd put it down on the floor next to the sofa and then kip on the sofa for a bit. We're still struggling at just turned 4 months but it's nothing like it was at 4 weeks - DS does a 5 hour stretch at the beginning of the night most nights now. You're doing great

It seems like there is so much conflicting advice out there, we've had MW and HV both recommend and discourage swaddling, and like PP have commented, the association of SIDS and co-sleeping is worrying but it seems to be a natural thing to do and by the sounds of it works for lots of parents.

My little one is currently fast asleep on my chest and I'm going to attempt to move her back into her (now warmed up!) crib so I too can attempt get some shut eye; wish me luck!!

It seems like there is so much conflicting advice out there, we've had MW and HV both recommend and discourage swaddling

The Oracle in UK SIDS advice should always be the Lullaby Trust, since they do the research that informs national NHS and government policy.

Both factors that you mention there (cosleeping and swaddling) are factors that the Lullaby Trust advice neither for or against.

There are some things Lullaby Trust advice all mothers do, because they lower SIDS risk.

There are some things Lullaby Trust advice all mothers do not, because they increase SIDS risk.

There are a few things that Lullaby Trust use the wording "If you choose to... here's how to do it safely". Cosleeping and swaddling both come under this category. The reason is that they are known as SIDS risk, albeit small (but then all SIDS risks are small) but it is recognised that some parents may consider that the benefits outweigh the risks.

So you can be reassured by the fact that you should not be discouraged by HCP to do either, since they should be adhering to NHS policy. However they cannot be considered risk-free or something to be actively encouraged to do by a HCP, in the way breast feeding is for example. A HCP adhereing to NHS policy, if asked about cosleeping or swaddling should be saying "If you choose to, here's how to do it safely" rather than actively encouraging or discouraging either.