DD wants me with her to go to sleep

[Gem1010]

My DD is 27 months and has been in a bed since April, so for nearly 4 months. She loves her bed but a big change is that when she was in her cot I could put her down say night and leave the room and she would go to sleep. She did this for about a week of being in the bed and then all changed. If I don't stay in the room with her then she screams and kicks the door until I go back in. I have now found myself lying on the old cot mattress next to her whilst she falls asleep. I have tried a few times just letting her cry but I'm frightened she will hurt herself she gets so distraught!

I bought a gro clock and she loves it. She understands the concept but still wants me there. She also wakes around 1am and 5am and shouts me in. I just say 'get back in bed' and she does but if I leave the room it's crying again.

I know I probably need to just let her cry it out for a few days and I think I am looking for assurance from fellow mum's that have had the same experience and what their resolution was??

Thanks!

I think this is quite a common thing that happens when baby goes into a cot before they are ready. Well, we certainly get many threads to indicate that. I think at least 3yo is a better age, the transition into a bed can be straight forward.

That said, you are where you are. My very first suggestion would be to move back into the cot. But it may be difficult to go back now.

Given that, I'd suggest a process of gradual withdrawal. I would not leave a 2 yo to scream. I am certain my 2yo, I'd left angry and alone at that age would have been more than capable of scrambling over a safety gate in frustration. And or pulling over drawers or banging on doors.

I think the child is too old to be left to scream. The anger and frustration could be very dangerous.

So i would do rapid return (resettling in bed at the first movement when getting up, immediately and repeatedly) or gradual withdrawal (start lying by the bed but over the days/weeks be very slightly more withdrawn)

Thanks FATEdestiny.

You're probably right but she was climbing out the cot so I felt I had to do something. We took the side off the cot and that worked but then she rolled out a few times. So transitioned to a big bed and she does love it and has never fell out.

Generally she sleeps well and wakes twice but goes back to sleep within 5 minutes. It's just I want her to not shout for me.

She doesn't scream in the night it's just screaming to go to bed. But maybe 2 nights a week with the others being nice and calm and easy.

I have tried the rapid return and i felt like it made it worse so I'll try the gradual withdrawal. Any tips?

I think one of the ways is to put your dd in bed kisses etc then you sit in the room with your head down ignoring her. If she gets out you get up put her back and then sit back down. If necessary put your hand on her back at first but no chatting etc. Then gradually over the nights sit further away until you are out of the room.

Sounds like a good idea thank you Damia.

What do I do on the nights where she just tries to play me? She will really test me and I know she is doing it to not go to bed. Like she says 'I want to say goodnight to Daddy again and if she doesn't she cries. Or 'I want my water' and if she doesn't have it she cries. Then i ignore her and she cries more. I feel like time will fix it. But the withdrawal sounds like it would work it's just the nights she decides she isn't going to bed.

I wondered if it's time to drop the daytime nap? She sleeps for about 1 hour at nursery. She does get very tired though and if I were to drive anywhere or walk her in the buggy she would drop straight to sleep if it was late enough. How long does it take to drop the nap completely?

she was climbing out the cot so I felt I had to do something

The behaviour you are having to deal with now is exactly the same unwelcome behaviour as cot climbing was. So you didn't actually solve the problem moving to a bed, just moved it into a different setting.

It's probably too late now anyway, but if this was my child I'd go back to a cot and do the gradual withdrawal or rapid return (which would be rapid lying back down) from there. But that's me and you aren't me, so...

'll try the gradual withdrawal. Any tips?

Remove that mattress and stop lying down in there. Sitting on the bed is ok, but it is establishing that you are staying for going to sleep, not all night.

Then offer every bit of comfort and reassurance that child needs, in any way, staying and being calm and patient throughout. Stay right throygh until asleep, never withdrawing until asleeo. Do this for about a week, to establish that you'll always stay until asleep, always give as much reassurance in any way you can, won't be lying down.

Then start very slowly withdrawing how much reassurance she needs.

Say you start with your hand on her chest/back/side patting constantly until asleep. Shushing if distressed, cuddlibg down to get if needed. Wait until asleep and sneek out.

Then start the patting until settled, but still your hand (leaving it there) when calm. Patting if extra reassurance needed, just hand on chest/back when calm. Sit on bed, wait until asleep.

Kneel next to bed instead of sat on bed. Pat to settle, hand on chest/back constantly when calm. Wait until asleep.

Kneel next to bed, pat to settle initially. Then firm hand only, remove hand when calm. Hand back on chest/back if needed, withdrawn when calm

Hand on chest/back to settle. Hands off and kneel by bed when calm.

Hand on chest/back to settle. Hands off and stand by bed when calm. Bend and hand on when distressed, stand when calm. Wait until asleep.

Hand on chest/back to settle. Hands off and step away from bed when calm. Back to hand on chest/back when distressed, stand and steo away when calm. Wait until asleep.

Hand on chest/back to settle. Wait by door when calm. Back in with hands-on when distressed, withdraw to door when calm. Wait until asleep.

Settle in bed. Leabe door open and busy yourself upstairs until asleep. Back in with in when distressed, always withdraw when calm.

Settle, leave, close door. Stand and listen at door. Any sound at all go back in, it's just to test you'll still come immediately even with door closed. Show that you will.

Settle, leave, close door, listen to monitor and respond quickly if needed.

Just lie down with her! It's such a special time and it won't last for ever.

Thanks FATEdestiny. Will give it a try.

Ahh I know nuttyknitter I do feel guilty to not just continue watching her sleep. It's just the nights when she plays me that I need to control better