Feeding to sleep & won't go down in own cot! (2 week old)

[RedPandaMama]

I posted about a week ago in the sleep section and things have gotten worse.

For the first 5 days DD was happy to be put down after a feed as long as she was wrapped in her Grosnug then placed in the Sleepyhead pillow in her Next to Me cot. She would sleep for 1.5-3.5 hours at a time then wake for a change and feed for anything from 1 to 3 hours. Quite exhausting but doable and better than a lot of newborns, I know!

She's 15 days old now. Since then she's been amazing at staying asleep but ONLY after a feed and ONLY in my arms. She will sleep on DP if she's already asleep and I've passed her over, but otherwise only me. I just don't know what to do. Co-sleeping terrifies me and the health visitor said how unsafe it is. A few nights ago we tried everything all night long and she would feed to sleep, sleep flat out in my arms for half an hour, we'd very gently transfer her and within 5 minutes she'd be awake and screaming. I didnt get a wink of sleep and ended up in floods of tears feeling completely useless.

I've been giving in the last 3 nights and feeding her and allowing her to sleep skin-to-skin on my chest. It's just so much easier. Last night she went down at 10.30, woke up at 1.30 for a change and feed, slept from 2-5.30 then the same again, then slept 6.30-10.

The other problem is during the day she is the same, so on Friday when DP went back to work I ended up laid in bed with her all day long, never even got chance to brush my teeth as she wouldn't let me put her down for more than a minute without getting upset. We have been given a sling but just couldn't get it to work on me because I have disgustingly huge big boobs so her positioning didn't feel right. I had a bath with her and she loved that, and she will happily sleep in her pram or car seat, I think it's the motion.

Sorry for such a long post but I'm just super anxious:
Is it safe to let her sleep on my chest? Will I be able to break the habit later on? And is feeding her to sleep 'bad'? She's only 2 weeks old so I feel like she just needs comfort right now and to be honest being able to sleep is worth it for me, but I want her to be safe.

Thanks for any advice or responses.

Whilst cuddling a newborn to sleep is lovely, it's not so great when you're frickin exhausted is it! Firstly don't worry about creating bad habits with feeding to sleep etc. The "rod for your own back" mantra is almost entirely bull; no doubt you'll know when is the right time for you and your baby to try and change things; trust that you will.

One thing though, i bet if you're feeding baby to sleep then trying to put them down still asleep you're not daring to risk burping them... I suspect that might be a big factor, as gas is painful when you're laid flat, but not so much if you remain propped up in someone's arms or upright on their chest. Trust me, risk waking the baby by burping them after EVERY FEED. They probably won't wake anyway, but if you can get the gas up you'll have a fair chance of them STAYING asleep once you get them there and, more importantly, LIE THEM DOWN.

If you're struggling to get any burps up try some Infacol. It's completely safe and you give them some before each feed to "bind" the gas. Good luck!!

I'm so sorry it's so hard. Honestly, the only way I survived was co sleeping even after the health visitor telling me it was dangerous - I then went to see a midwife who wasn't my usual - I said 'I'm so stressed I can't put the baby down' and she said 'I can't really help you there as I coslept' - I felt liberated. I spoke to her about it and then I looked into the safety of it and I decided to do it. 7 months in it's has saved my sanity and I love the cuddles.

There ARE safe ways to do it, but if it's really not for you, sorry I'm sure someone else can help.

It is all totally normal x

Could you try shifting baby from your chest to your bed, next to you? Co-sleeping this way can be made safer by changing your sleeping position, shifting duvets and pillows away from baby etc. If baby fell asleep in my chest, I would shuffle down flat and slowwwwlyyyy ease baby onto bed.

Hello, I think feeding babies to sleep at that age is totally normal as the are rarely awake. I think people advise against it when they are older and can go longer between feeds. At two weeks, she will still be cluster feeding to build your supply too.

I didn't want to co-sleep with my daughter either but it was the only way she would sleep so I gave in and actually really like it. She doesn't sleep on me though and that would make me nervous. She sleeps next to me with me facing her in the 'c' position and there are no covers near her. The health visitor gave me tips on how to do it safely. I also breastfeed lying down but am conscious of her tiny nostrils!

Also babies seem to change almost daily so it's all temporary : ) you will be able to shower soon I'm sure. I bring the sleepyhead in to the bathroom and she stays in that whilst I shower. At first she had to be asleep for me to get away with it but now she will just look around (I'll have to reassess when she is mobile!).

I hope you manage to find something that works for you soon.

Sleeping with her in your chest is more dangerous than safe cosleeping. Incase you slip or she slides off in between you and the pillows/covers. There are lots of websites which describe safe cosleeping. You assume a c shape around her, with pillows and sheets away. I used to wear a long sleeve top if it was a bit chilly.
I also second the gas - I always tried to gently burp, otherwise she would waken with tummy pain once flat.

Yes it won't last long! My 7 month old hangs out in the bathroom with me and watches me shower while giggling and playing it does go so quickly I promise x

This is really, incredibly normal. Tbh at 2 weeks she should be feeding/cuddling with you all day. My dd still feeds to sleep and she's nearly 2 (years).

We used a bedside cot (Babybay type - made sure the mattress was exactly level with ours) and made sure it and our bed was clear of all pillows, blankets etc. I slept in a warm dressing gown (no belt).

And is feeding her to sleep 'bad'?

I think it's largely impossible not to feed a 2 week old to sleep. I say that as a massive advocate of babies sleeping independantly. So don't fret about this for a single moment.

Is it safe to let her sleep on my chest?

This is very unsafe if there is any possibility you may fall asleep yourself.

You would be better to read up on safe planned cosleeping. Lying down together is much safer than baby sleeping on you while you are on the sofa, for example.

Will I be able to break the habit later on?

Im not going to lie. Holding baby for all naps can easily become a habit difficult to break.

Thanks for any advice or responses

Some additional points:

• there is no need to change a nappy in the night unless its poo. A nappy should last 12h over night fir wees and if it doesn't you need a bigger size.

• try giving baby a dummy. Dummies are amazing tools for independant sleep.

Feeding to sleep is fine. Honestly.

If I were you I'd look into safe cosleeping - it wasn't what we planned to do, but was the only thing that allowed our family to sleep, with both DC. Yes it's a scary prospect, but preparing beforehand so that covers/pillows aren't a problem, and you're sleeping in a good position means you'll be fine.

During the day, I found with both mine that they wanted to be with me if tired, but were happy to be put down if they were properly awake. That was when I was able to wash, eat etc, trying to do it when they slept was a complete non-starter.

In terms of making a rod for your own back - I fed both mine to sleep for months, coslept for 6-7 months each, all naps in arms for about 12 months. They both moved into cots in their own rooms without a quibble, and are generally both good sleepers now, aged 3 and 16 months. Keeping babies close to you is completely normal, completely fine.

Regarding slings, have you tried a stretchy wrap (eg moby, Kari-Me, hanababy)? If not, see if you can find a local sling library and have a go. They're really good for tiny babies.

I really feel for you, it's so hard!

Don't worry about feeding to sleep, I find it incredibly useful with my almost one year old. I can guarantee she'll be asleep quickly and easily without any fuss. My bigger toddler was cuddled to sleep for every sleep until he was nine months when he just started falling asleep by himself, so it's not always hard to stop it later.

I found co-sleeping and learning to feed lying down a life saver. I couldn't fall asleep when co-sleeping with my PFB but I wish I'd persisted as it's been brilliant with my second baby. Once you've cracked it you'll barely have to wake up to feed.

Just remember this stage will pass. It's so hard but it's not long.

I've got a 6 week old and could have written this exact post 4 weeks ago. She would scream when put down and between friends with children and hv we figured it was trapped wind. Infacol's helped a lot, took about a week to really work. I find she's better/I get burps out if I hold her quite upright after feeding. I'm still a bit rubbish at winding but found this technique helps

I read about baby sleep cycles and it can take 20 minutes for them to get into a deep sleep/before it's safe to move them into cot.

NCT class, hv, lactation midwife all told me you can't give a young baby too much love, ie if she wants/needs held a lot then that's what to do. If the baby's basic needs are met and it feels loved and safe, then they tend to be more confident and happy children when they grow up. If they're left to cry and get really stressed and anxious, this can continue into childhood. My lo has been in my arms most of the time and we still do a lot of skin to skin (as soon as I'm in the house it's pants and dressing gown time on the sofa for lots of snuggles). Everything else can wait.

Google "the 4th trimester", it's all about the transition from womb to the real world and helps you realise what your baby's going through. It take time for them to get used to all the stimuli which is constantly going on, so it takes another 3 months for baby to settle into things. It doesn't change anything about your situation but the information can reassure and help you get a bit of perspective.
Everything's a phase and will pass - I read/heard this a lot. Again it doesn't change the current situation but it really is true!

I'm breastfeeding and it take 1-2 hours per feed. I was really reluctant to use any formula but had to for a few days and milk didn't come in for first week. We're managing now but we found if she gets a bottle about 9/10ish she tends to settle down and can sleep about 5 hours so I've been getting a good few hours sleep as well which has helped a lot. I've tried not giving her the formula the odd night and every time we've had a crap night with hardly any sleep, so it might be worth a try?

Kellymom seem to be a useful website.

I know how hard this is but it WILL get better. Hope things improve soon xxx