Not napping = bad bedtime, Help!

[Possummagic7]

I have a 7.5mo DD who just does not nap reasonably! The only time she will nap, and it will only last for 40mins tops, is if she has been awake for 5+ hours!

Shes always been a poor napper but before 6mo it never affected her night sleep, but now it is. Her bedtime is at 7pm (after bath and book) and is fed to sleep. She wakes every 40mins after that. I assume it's because she is so overtired. DH and I are on our knees.
To rule out self settling problems, we've tried the Ferber method but all it led to was crying so hard she vomited. Gradual retreat did not work as she couldn't care less if we were in the room, we had to be holding her. Pat and shhh had no effect, just more crying. Co-sleeping works for her but I do not sleep, I'm too frightened of squashing her, so that is not a long term solution. Prior to 6mo she would only wake once in the night 7pm to 8am. I'm sure sorting her naps would fix this.

However, she has never napped in her pram or sling and believe me I have walked for hours. The car also does not work, she is just too excited to see the world. At home, rocking, bouncing and feeding have no effect. The only reliable thing that works is ridiculously long awake times. I must add that she is never unhappy about missing sleep in the day, she just looks so tired, is a bit fussy, and constantly rubs eyes, tugs ears etc.

Any advice appreciated. I'll try anything, especially to fix the night sleep, I can cope in the day, but the 8/10 times night wakings are killing me

To rule out self settling problems...

You didn't rule out any self settling problems with any of the sleep training methods you used. In fact I'd say the reason none worked was specifically because of an independant-settling problem.

Feeding to sleep and no independant settling method will be your biggest problem. It will be the reason naps are so difficult in the daytime and also be the cause of frequent night wakes.

I say "problem", but feeding to sleep is not a problem in itself. It's just it goes with a certain way of parenting and for it to be not a problem, you would realistically need to embrace cosleeping and co-napping.

If you want an independant sleeper (ie sleeping in cot), you need an independant settling method (ie something that baby can learn do do herself in the cot)

Feeding to sleep just is not going to give you the independant sleeper you want.

The Gradual Withdrawal methods and Shush-Pat methods you used, it doesn't sound like you have a proper understanding of how it works, what to expect or what was needed from you. Likewise Controlled Crying (Ferber method).

You sound like the ideal candidate for a paid for sleep consultant. You sound very mixed up in your approach and if you can't gain more clarity and consistancy yourself, you will benefit in some 121 assistance in establishing a consistant approach.

Thank you for your response, I think you're right about not having a proper understanding of some methods. Reading how to do something is never as good as 1:1 advice. Do you have any recommendations for choosing sleep consultants? I wouldn't even know where to start!

I could give you 1:1 advice, but the problem is that so can a dozen other people who read this. That's when internet help forums lose their usefulness - it's very easy to get overwhelmed with the different approaches that loads of people suggest.

I cannot offer you any recommendations, I have no experience of any.

However I know of one poster who has worked back office for a sleep consultant @LapinR0se and another who has recently used a sleep consultant @riddles26. Maybe they will find your thread and make recommendations.

@Possummagic7, Ive sent you a message with details of the consultant I used. Do your research on consultants and many will offer a free 15 minute conversation to discuss what you want to achieve - take advantage of them so you can discuss your expectations and that the package provided gives the level of support you want from them