Constant 3.30am wake time with 10 week old

[icecreamforbreakfast]

My little girl has just started sleeping a bit better and now sleeps from 7pm- midnight and goes back down around 1am, but without fail will wake between 3-4am. I feed her and she might doze on me but generally seems ready for the day and just will not go back in her Moses basket!! The early wake ups are killing me...does anyone have any ideas on what could be causing it or what I could try to get her to wake later?

Is she really ready for the day or is it because she wants to sleep on you (which is quite normal for newborns). It could be that she won't go back in the Moses basket as she wants the closeness?

I have no advice, but you have my sympathy. I remember that period all to well and it was exhausting, frustrating and generally hellish. I never found a solution but it eventually passed.

I also have no advice but lots of sympathy. It's the 3am feeds/not going back down that stick in my mind the most, especially as I had 2 in 11 months and neither of them were sleepers, but the 3am wakings were utterly soul destroying. All I can say is, it will get better.

I think getting 5 hours straight is pretty good at this age.

It will get better.

That's actually fairly good for a 10 week old. Babies are often restless at that time of the morning. My two never really sleep well after that 3/4am feed. 7pm to midnight in one block is fantastic at that age.

It's all a phase and will get better! Just go to bed at 8pm for a while and front load your sleep.

My 10 week old can have a similar pattern of wake ups. I've given up putting back in side cot after 5am and I feed him lying down and then he stays in bed with me until 7 ish. I never did this with my previous dc but he is very restless indeed after 5am. I can't stand the thrashing and moaning noise but we both sleep much better if we cosleep the last stretch. I hope it passes soon, I live in fear of having a 5.30 waker as I have avoided this so far with my other 2!

10 weeks is very tiny to expect much sleep, sadly and I really feel your pain. Mine fed every 2-3 hours until at least six months and it nearly killed me..

icecreamforbreakfast - how are you getting baby to sleep?

The pressure to sleep is less in the early morning. This does not mean baby doesn't need to sleep, it means you have to work harder to get baby to go to sleep.

For this reason its useful to have an arsenal of increasing help you can give baby to get to sleep. For example, mine would be:

• Dummy insert
• Dummy reinsert and me cuddling into the sidecar cot
• Dummy > Cuddle > face close to baby's for some gentle shushing and patting
• Lift baby and offer a full feed. Wind afterwards. Re-do baby's swaddle to tighten it around shoulders. Put back into sidecar cot
• Feed > Wind > Reswaddle > put down > Dummy insert
• Feed > Wind > Reswaddle > put down > Dummy > Cuddle into sidecar cot
• Feed > Wind > Reswaddle > put down > Dummy > Cuddle > shush and pat
• Scoot baby across from sidecar cot into bed with me and cuddle up close, while also doing all of the above.

As you can see, I have a basic settling method sequence I use, and I just add to it (rather than trying something completely different) if extra help is needed. There are additional steps I'd take after the above, it's just that mostly at least one of those would work.

@crazycatlady5 strangely she doesn't even like sleeping next to us, even if we tried co sleeping I doubt she would go for it unless it was actually in my arms. I have tried in bed next to me to try to get her to nap so I can at least sit quietly until a more reasonable time to get up and am faced with screaming!

@FATEdestiny I'll refer back to this list at 4am tonight and see how we get on. Part of the problem is I think I never realised the effort involved, I assumed babies slept when they needed to/wanted to so have never made any effort to get her to sleep especially in the day. Realising now this is a major issue!

@FATEdestiny oh and in terms of getting her to sleep, after the 7pm feed she just drifts off after being in my arms for a while and then goes into a deep sleep ready to be put in her Moses basket. Same again after the next feed with a bit more rocking/shhhhing.

That's actually really really good for a ten week old! A five hour stretch at that age is amazing!

Mine woke hourly for almost two years 😑

I'd sleep more yourself in that 7-10 bit. It's easier to change what you do than what she does (believe me. I. Tried. Everything.)

She will change her sleep patterns lots in the coming weeks and months and honestly, it's best to just go with it. In a few weeks she will hit the point where her sleep architecture matures - be prepared for things to get worse, survive that and then see what comes out the other end.

That's she loads of sleep for a 10 week old. In the nicest possible way, I think you need to adjust your expectations here.

Part of the problem is I think I never realised the effort involved

I don't think you are alone in that. But fear not because at 10 weeks you are easily early enough to establish some great independant settling techniques.

after the 7pm feed she just drifts off after being in my arms for a while and then goes into a deep sleep ready to be put in her Moses basket

Putting baby down fully asleep is not a great idea. The idea is to get baby to go to sleep where they stay asleep.

Babies, like adults, sleep in cycles with periods of deep sleep interspersed with light sleeping phases. Some people cslked the light sleep phase an 'environment check'. Left over from caveman days, it's a brief period of semi-consciousness, but without fully waking, when casement would check they continue to be safe from predictors while sleeping.

In adults these environment checks may take the form of changing position in bed, pulling duvet off/on you, subconsciously glancing at the clock, then straight back to deep sleep.

Imagine you went to sleep as normal and when you went to roll over and pull the duvet over you, you suddenly realise you are in the back seat of a car. You wouldn't roll over and go back to sleep, you'd be fully awake pretty damn quick wondering wtf happened?!

Same with baby. It's why going to sleep where they stay asleep becomes important. When not doing this, baby is nore likely to wake fully in any environment check.

Some people overcome this in a no-cry way by feeding to sleep and leaving baby there to cosleep. A method that is more independant but still no cry would be dummy and in-cot reassurance.

A sidecar cot (normal cot with 1 side removed, wedged up to your bed) helps make this easier, but could also be done by leaning into the cot uf so inclined.

There are other ways that may involve some crying, but I wouldn't do any of these before 6 months.

without fail will wake between 3-4am. I feed her and she might doze on me but generally seems ready for the day

I can't think of any situation, with a baby of any age, where getting up for the day at anywhere close to 3-4am is normal or OK. So I think you are right to seek to change this.

"when casement cavemen would check they continue to be safe from predictors predators while sleeping."