Would You Use Controlled Crying?

[LittleNapRefuser]

My baby boy (6 and a 1/2 months old) has been a rubbish napper since around 8 weeks when he went from being able to sleep on me, if not put down, to finding the world a bit too interesting to nap. He sleeps well at night (not at the moment as we are in Leap 5/6 Month Growth Spurt hell) and goes down in his co sleeper sleepy but still a bit awake in a sleepyhead wearing a Swaddle Up between 7:00 and 8:00 and wakes for a feed around 3am then 5am and can usually be persuaded to go back down until 6am.

Up until two weeks ago (from 2-6months ish) I would have to walk him endlessly up and down the hall in the baby carrier for every nap. This started because he had severe silent reflux so wouldn't sleep on his back during the day. He didn't like his pram for this reason and we switched him to the seat attachment early which he tolerates now if he's looking around but not for sleeping. Bouncy chair and swing didn't work for him either despite spending a lot of money trying different options and for a while the carrier worked okay. He would nap on his dad after lots of jiggling but never on me unless in the carrier. It was really destroying my back wearing him for every nap and then around two weeks ago that stopped working too.

In the carrier his naps had been roughly at 8:00/11:00/2:00/4:00ish (this nap is now usually on my back whilst walking dogs) so I decided that I would try and go upstairs for naps in the dark with his white noise and other sleep cues etc. But now he barely naps at all and if he does he will only nap if latched on the whole time (which hurts after a while!). Even then, lots of the time his eyes are not properly closed and he doesn't wake up refreshed. We tried a dummy persistently from around 3 weeks and he wouldn't take any, MAM were the closest but he never took them properly despite being a very sucky baby.

My gut says he doesn't have a way to self settle and the feeding him throughout naps is not helping.

I can't go back to the carrier naps because they weren't working and frankly it was painful for me to carry him for every nap. I am starting to wonder if controlled crying for naps is my only option. It's not how we've parented so far but for his sake, he needs better quality day sleep and I need to not be in pain. What would you do? I have no confidence in my parenting decisions now because I have clearly set my DS up to fail by carrying him in the carrier for every nap. I felt it was right at the time but now I feel awful.

@Dodgyground has hit the nail on the head. You are a wonderful parent and have done what worked best for your baby to get them to sleep so have confidence in yourself and your decisions. It is best to go with path of least resistance when tiny then worry about habits when they are older and you know your baby better.

To answer your question, I personally wouldn't use CC in your circumstances but that doesn't mean its wrong for you. There are other methods you could try first that involve you being there with him before trying CC. I used a sleep consultant when my daughter was slightly younger and the advice I was given was:
Use same method when putting to sleep for naps and night. So white noise for both, dark room, sleeping bag/swaddle etc for both. Main difference is shorter wind down routine for naps but have that consistent for every nap.
Introduce a comforter. Start off by giving it while you breastfeed as they already associate this with comfort and make sure they have it in their cot when they sleep
Be consistent with whatever method you use to put them to sleep whether that be cuddling them, patting on the back etc. And persevere until they fall asleep. If you give in, they know how long they need to resist/fidget/cry for before they will get mummy to give in

Trust your instincts as his mum and go with your gut on how to approach it. You know he needs more sleep so need to do something about it but there are lots of options and none of them are incorrect, its how you want to approach it.

I am starting to wonder if controlled crying for naps is my only option. It's not how we've parented so far but for his sake, he needs better quality day sleep and I need to not be in pain. What would you do?

I wouldn't do controlled crying. But I can also say with equal certainty that I wouldn't do carrier naps (not least because I have had significant spinal surgery, but also because I'm funny about needing physical personal space).

The reason I wouldn't do or advise controlled crying at this age is that its replacing the comfort of being close to you with no comfort at all. When older, after 12 months or so, baby has more dexterity and can better develop ways of self-comforting by using a comforter object or doing ritualistic, rhythmic movements to themselves. These type of fine motor skills don't usually start to develop until 9 months or so, and I'd leave until at least after 12 months to be sure.

Having said that, there are much gentler ways to achieve the same result by 12 months old, especially so if you start making the progress towards independent sleep now.

will only nap if latched on the whole time (which hurts after a while!). Even then, lots of the time his eyes are not properly closed and he doesn't wake up refreshed. We tried a dummy persistently from around 3 weeks and he wouldn't take any, MAM were the closest but he never took them properly despite being a very sucky baby.

Its really clear from this that your baby likes to comfort suck. I would find a way to make comfort sucking work to get some independent sleep.

You are unlikely to get a dummy accepted at this age, so I'd stop beating yourself up about it (but if you have another child in the future, it might be worth considering earlier).

Some babies suck on material. I've known babies who suck on muslin squares, the ears of their teddies, a corner of a blankie - all sorts of things. Baby is young to be able to coordinate movements to do this yet, but it might be worth setting up for when older.

Other children suck on their hands - fist, fingers, thumb. You could help baby by holding babies hands in such a way to comfort suck (?maybe - I don't know anyone who's worked on getting thumb sucking established, so I am speaking theoretically)

There's also the Pantly Pull-Off. Its not a quick fix but will help you take steps in the right direction towards independent sleep.