won't sleep 6 wks - please help

[nsl]

My DS is 6 wks old and we've had problems settling him to sleep from the start. Until this week we managed by letting him sleep on one of us for 20 mins (recommended by a b/f counsellor) or rocking him with a hand on his tummy. This week his colic appears to have got much better but he is refusing to sleep in the carrycot most of the time and the moses basket at all. Today at my wits end this morning I tried leaving him to cry for 5 mins sitting next to him and then giving him the dummy and then leaving him to cry for another 5 mins before picking him up. But it was too difficult and I think he's too little to do it. The only way which works other than sleeping on me or my husband is if I feed him lying down and he falls asleep next to me. The only problem then is that occasionally I can transfer him to his bed but often he wakes up and then we have to start again. I slept with him one night because we'd got to 3am w/out more than 5 mins sleep from him but I'm really uncomfy having him sleep next to me. Has anyone got any suggestions on how to get him to sleep in his own bed. This is a problem both at day and night.
Please help!!!!!

all i can say is it will get better. 6 weeks is very little, don't worry about routines or habits forming yet - in the same situation i just went with anything that worked on a day-to-day basis. i had a rocker seat that lay completely flat and my ds slept in that quite happily, so some nights i'd sleep on the sofa while she just stayed in there. by 12 weeks it was all sorted, and through no clever parenting by me, that's for sure.

I agree with tkmaxx. My ds2 is 13 weeks and has just, in the last 10 days or so, started to settle on his own and sleep away from me for more than 20 mins at a time. I know it gets better because i've been through it twice before but it's still a tough time.

a couple of things that might give you a bit of a break:

have you tried swaddling him tightly, then snuggling him up in a bouncy chair with a t'shirt or something that smells of you? That's fooled all of mine for a little while.

Sleeping propped up on lots of cushions with him on your chest, while not ideal, can help you get a little bit of a sleep.

I used to go to bed once he'd had his early evening 7/8pm ish feed and dh would sit with him until he wanted another feed so I got a couple of hours sleep in.

Have you tried a pouch sling? One of these type . They keep the baby in a more natural, curled up position than the Baby Bjorn type ones but leave your hands free to get on with things while the baby sleeps. They take a bit of getting used to but ds2 loves mine.

Honestly don't worry about him getting into bad habits yet. My ds2 used to always fall asleep on the breast and refused to take a dummy but he now feeds, has a dummy and goes to sleep. It's amazing how much they change when they get to 12/13 weeks.

Someone on here, I forget who, talks about a 4th trimester, which is the theory that babies should still be inside us for another 3 months but, because we walk upright, our pelvises couldn't take the strain so they are born earlier than they need to be. So the first 3 months of their lives they behave as if they are still inside us, needing to be close to our bodies, hearing our heartbeat. He's really still so tiny, he doesn't even realise the umbilical cord's been cut and he needs you close to him, it's hs survival instinct, keeping him sfae from predators.

Make the most of this time, I know it's tough and a bit frustrating when you've got a demanding little being permanently
attached to you but he won't be tiny for long and I guarantee that there will come a point when you'll wish you had these early days back again!

Sorry, thisis a bit waffly, I'm expressing and struggling to multi task with my sleep starved brain!!

Hope some of it helps anyway.

He is probably going through a growth spurt and will want to feed much more often.

Small babies often dont know how to settle themselves to sleep, and there is really nothing wrong with cuddling them or feeding them to sleep.

He has been tucked up in your nice cosy womb for 9 months, and doesnt really understand much else except that he wants cuddles and feeds.

Please dont leave him to cry to get him to sleep - he wont 'learn' anything from it at this stage. He will become more independent as he gets older - you will probably miss it, but, make the most of the cuddles and co-sleeping.

Oh, meant to add, I found it easier once I ignored anything (book, person, MIL!) that told me he ought to be settling himself that early and changed my mindset from 'oh god, why won't he sleep on his own' to 'well at the moment he needs me, he's the most important thing at the moment, everything else can wait.'

I co sleep with ds2 (didn't with ds1 or dd) and while I understand about it being uncomfy, I figured I still got more sleep than if I spent half the night trying to settle him in the cot.

He is too little to do any kind of crying it out method, and the fact that you found it difficult proves that.

I know none of this will get him into his own bed right at this moment in time but it will happen, I promise . You just have to find a coping strategy that works for you in the meantime.

Thanks - typing this with ds dosing on my chest. I ordered a sling on thurs night so hopefully that'll sort the not being able to do anything in the day.
Thanks for the reassurance. Everyone keeps on scaring me about the bad habits.

He's also a little wind factory which makes the problem worse. I tried swaddling but he hates it and kicks off the blankets. The reason he hates the moses basket is he can feel the sides. I'd just like a little bit of sleep...

Oh, sweetheart It's hard when they're so little and need you so much - but it will change. He is too young to be left to cry - IMO you need to get your husband to support you (by this I mean he does changing and taking for walks in the pram/drives in the car while you catch up on sleep) and you do the feeding and not worrying about whether the house is tidy or not.

It WILL all change again when he's a bit bigger, but for now, if you go to him when he cries, and feed him when he's hungry, he'll be a more content little person in the long run.

When you say you're not comfy sleeping next to him, what position are you in and can your husband sleep in another room for a bit so you can stretch out with your little boy?

It's not possible for you to be setting up bad habits - a 6wo baby doesn't have the capacity to learn habits in the way these well-meaning idiots mean.

Its developmentally impossible for babies to pick up ANY habits before 12 weeks or so.

Dont worry what other people say - they tend to forget (as you will one day) that its not so straightforward, and also, folk telling you that their LO sleeps through may well be exaggerating......

Enjoy your little baby

Husband is very supportive but we found the best way is a shift basis of certain hours he does changing and settling and certain hours I do those as well as feeding. When I co-sleep with ds I'm on my side and he's on his side but then he turns onto his back, arms above his head. I get very stiff from being in one position on the edge of the bed because I'm scared of moving as am quite a restless sleeper. Off to try the methods suggested now.

i didn't dare say earlier but i often co-slept. i fed them to sleep on my bed, (had the cot pushed up against open side) then wrapped my duvet under myself so there was no way it could get near the baby. we do have a very wide bed, and i made my husband sleep elsewhere, but the stage didn't last long. also the feeding lying down thing really helped the early agony boobs I suffered both times.

Although it is extremely hard in the 1st few months, please don't get in a habit of sleeping with your baby in your bed. I know this helps you get them to sleep but please read readthis
I don't want to alarm you when you have a young baby but the more people who follow this advice, the more babies will be saved.

I lost my 2nd DD to cot death in 2003 and don't wish what we went through on anyone.
I understand how difficult it is and really don't want to preach, but it really does get easier, each week that passes.

Are you worried about rolling over on him if you co-sleep? You won't, you know. Just try and relax and cuddle up with him. You'll both get more sleep that way. Oh, and don't change nappies in the night unless there's poo present! It's an extra job, it wakea everyone up and it's not necessary! Nappies will be bulgeous and weigh a ton in the morning but that's fine.

Emwad How horribly sad

Co-sleeping when done properly is fine though - your link doesn't say otherwise?

thanks HM.
I never knew what 'safe' co-sleeping was, so I agree, that if you know how to do it properly, it must be a comfort to your baby. However, if like me you're not sure what it means, it is be better for new mums not to do it.

(Again, I really don't mean to preach)