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Sleep

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Original poster

Co-sleeping, will I regret it?

80 replies

AnaKristina · 24/08/2017 18:44

My baby has been co-sleeping since 3 weeks old. Now he is 7 weeks old. Would not settle in his next to me crib and I gave in. Those mum's that have experience in co-sleeping could you share your opinions? I think this will be for 1 or 2 years and may not be such a sacrifice if he is happy as it's time limited. Daddy has moved out to a second bedroom. Not sure should I try training him back to his cot which he seems to hate. Should I try Moses basket as it's cosier as opposed to the large and cold next to me crib. He is bottle-fed.

OP posts:

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Original poster

AnaKristina · 25/08/2017 17:52

Thanks so much

OP posts:

TittyGolightly · 26/08/2017 01:26

The best place for a under 6 months old to sleep is in a clear cot with a firm mattress in the same room as the parents/mother/father

And yet the countries with the lowest rates of SIDS are those where the majority bedshare (and likewise the reverse)

TittyGolightly · 26/08/2017 01:28

It is ridiculous for parents to go without food - how can you look after a baby, high needs or not, if you aren't taking on any energy? It's just going to make the situation worse.

Original poster

AnaKristina · 26/08/2017 12:53

TittyGolightly can you just find another tread to write

OP posts:

Timetogrowup2016 · 26/08/2017 13:12

Bed sharing increases the chance of SIDS and is particularly dangerous if:
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Fact. Plain and simple it does increase the risk of sids and is unarguable.

That does not mean there isn't ways to minimise those risks if you choose to bed share ( which I have absolutely nothing against )

Timetogrowup2016 · 26/08/2017 13:13

The safest place for your baby to sleep is a separate cot or Moses basket in the same room as you for the first 6 months, even during the day

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/room-sharing/

Again.
Fact.

Original poster

AnaKristina · 26/08/2017 13:59

I agree with the two above postd

OP posts:

TittyGolightly · 26/08/2017 16:12

Your baby. Do what you like.

Might be worth mentioning that your baby is now on meds for reflux though OP, if you want accurate advice from others.

Good luck.

FATEdestiny · 26/08/2017 16:53

Care to join me in a recent pledge to be kinder to mums who seek help and support on the sleep boards TittyGolightly?

Reflux meds have no bearing on NHS or Lullaby Trust cosleeping advice.

Dummies are good for babies with reflux though OP. Might be worth trying.

TittyGolightly · 26/08/2017 17:39

No, but it does explain a bit more about why the OP is so knackered and why baby may be needing more comfort than "normal".

teaandakitkat · 26/08/2017 19:25

He's only 7 weeks old, still so new. He won't necessarily stay this way. Keep trying now and again to see if he settles.

My experience with lots of kids and lots of different sleep patterns is that you should do what gets you the most sleep, so long as you do it as safely as possible. Especially when they are this small.

You'll know in yourself when things need to change, if you are not sleeping comfortably any more. Then you can reconsider and try some gentle training methods.

I have one who settled on his own no problems ever, one who went to sleep fine but didnt stay asleep longer than about 2 hours his entire first year.

Our youngest co-slept till he was 3.5 (years, not months) and then he was so big and wriggly that no-one was sleeping properly so it had to end. A few sleepless nights of endlessly putting him back in bed and he's fine now too.

As long as everyone is happy and sleeping enough just do what feels right for now. You'll know when you are all ready to try something different, nothing is set in stone.

Reppin · 26/08/2017 19:35

The above research is very interesting about breastfeeding mothers being more in tune with their baby's needs. I coslept with all of mine but I was breastfeeding.

PiratePanda · 27/08/2017 10:42

Our DS is 7 and is STILL creeping into our room in the dead of night to rejoin us in our bed.

You may not regret co-sleeping now, but you just might in years to come...

PiratePanda · 27/08/2017 10:48

And yet the countries with the lowest rates of SIDS are those where the majority bedshare (and likewise the reverse)

I'm betting these are all hot countries where bedclothes are not used.

Even though we ended up co-sleeping much of the time to save our sanity DS was in a cot beside our bed for the first 8 months of his life, and has been in and out of cots and child beds ever since.

In cold countries, the risk of SIDS is indeed higher if you co-sleep because of the risk of suffocation in heavy bedclothes. If you put your child in a child sleeping bag with arm holes, and make sure there are no adult sheets or duvets on top of him/her that should mitigate the risk.

Lenl · 27/08/2017 12:05

I coslept then when DS1 was crawling we moved onto a mattress in his bedroom. Usually still coslept but I could also be in my bed sometimes.

DS2 is 9 weeks and has shared my bed since day one... and DS1 has moved back into with me. DP is their room

If you're happy with the set up then it's fine.
Just make sure you follow safe sleeping guidelines.

cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

Timetogrowup2016 · 27/08/2017 12:11

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

I'd always send people to this for guidelines on how to co sleep

purpleoasis · 27/08/2017 12:40

I co slept from newborn to 11 months. Then he decided he'd had enough and we tried him in a cot. Never been back in the bed since. He sleeps from 7-8 now and he's 18 months. People speak a lot of crap to worry you!

Anditstartsagain · 27/08/2017 22:34

I co slept for 2.5 years with my first from 7 months when i was going crazy from sleep deprivation for about 10 months with him in with us when he woke then the rest he went to sleep alone and when he got up I went into his bed. Ds2 I co slept until arou d 6 months when he stopped needing it and preferred to settle in his cot.

Evey child is different imo and the whole they will never sleep alone is crap if everyone gets better sleep its win win. The only thing I would say is I always start mine in there own bed i read somewhere it helps transition later and it did for us.

barmouthdreams · 28/08/2017 07:11

My ds didn't sleep well with us, which I was sad about as I loved cosleeping. He slept better in a cot. I would say though that as babies get more mobile they can really disturb your sleep, and toddlers even more so. They can kinda spread so you and dh are clinging for dear life to the outermost reaches of the bed! In fact, I reckon even without this, my sleep was much lighter, and so I was more tired, whenever I shared a bed.
Be prepared at some stage to move them out. I have a friend who still needs to lie next to her 8 year old to get her to sleep.

Anatidae · 28/08/2017 07:15

He's only seven weeks. I say this kindly but he's barely born - adjust your expectations a bit.
The next to me crib is a good idea. You may need to move him into it really gradually. Cuddle to a deep sleep then slide him over.

Ours was a really bad sleeper and very clingy. We ended up consleeping until about 18 months

babynelly2010 · 28/08/2017 09:23

Moses baskets are cozier.
My dc1 slept in crib but we used to preheat the blankets before transfering her in and it worked.
Dc2 never slept in crib because I think it was uncomfortable.
Dc3 is so happy with the moses basket, it is nice and secure for her.
My advice try insert of sort for crib or get moses basket to save money.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 28/08/2017 10:08

'Our DS is 7 and is STILL creeping into our room in the dead of night to rejoin us in our bed.

You may not regret co-sleeping now, but you just might in years to come...'

Co-slept, pretty much, with all of mine (still am with the youngest). They each moved into their own room at roughly three. The eldest was still coming into our bed at night aged 8. The middle one pretty much never did.

Original poster

AnaKristina · 28/08/2017 10:42

He's only seven weeks. I say this kindly but he's barely born - adjust your expectations a bit.

I don't need preaching I have normal intelligence and I am an educated person. I should be able to understand the information out there apart from having the common sense. My baby is now extremely needy due to reflux symptoms or due to just being him. I was on the edge not able to feed him for weeks.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 28/08/2017 11:10

I don't think Anatidae meant to be antagonistic. It's not unusual in first time parents to search for 'The Answer' to make baby sleep and behave in the way you were expecting a newbie to be. When in fact no solution is needed, it's just that the realities can be very different to what was expected.

Speaking from personal experience, I think that the fact I'm an educated woman, used to being in charge and in control in the work place (I'm a teacher) and am used to researching to find instructions to solve any problem I could solve myself... that I found the lack of control over outcomes that comes with early parenthood harder to cope with.

I was on the edge not able to feed him for weeks.

If you had planned to breastfeed and now find yourself formula feeding, some support in bottle feeding may help? Yoj may already know all of these, but I hope they might help:

at this age, feed at any cry. Milk will be the most effective way to get baby sleeping deeply.
offer a dummy to allow baby the opportunity to comfort suck
offer more milk in the bottle than baby will drink
feed baby in a position with head above stomach at all times
wind until you get at least one burp after every feed
if you can't get baby to burp after a feed, try different winding positions until you do.
keep the bottle angles so that the teat is always full of milk, no air at any time during the feed
if you start to notice a regular time between feeds, try to anticipate the feed and give before baby cries for it.

If you have a way to settle baby to sleep that does not involve feeding (I used dummy and rhythmic bouncing in bouncy chair), then feeding upon waking helps you to clearly understand the cry. It means that baby wakes and cries - it's hunger, and then when rolling on floor and cry in the hour gollowing is tired, so get baby to sleep.

Baby will probably want to sleep more than you were expecting. Awake time between naps wants to be in the range of 40-80 mins this age.

Original poster

AnaKristina · 28/08/2017 11:38

Thank you. I appreciate the support and advice. He was refusing feeds and screaming and would split it all for two weeks. I was feeling almost panic to feed him and watch him suffer but feeding him all the time managed that he didn't lose weight. Now has been ok for the last few days as the meds worked. There is not the same amount of information for the bottle-feeding as it is for the breastfeeding available.
I appreciate advice I got in this forum and I feel supported. However had to listen to the criticism due to being misinterpreted as well which is not pleasant and not needed in times when you are seriously struggling.

OP posts:

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