Advise please

[rbmilliner]

Hi

1st time mum after some advise over what constitutes controlled crying.

LO is 12 weeks tomorrow and has always been hard to put down for naps. Recently bought her a mobile to go over her cot which she likes.

Just put her down for a nap after feeding during which she fell asleep and went for shower. she woke up within about 2 mins which isn't unusual but she didn't cry but sort of babbled / grizzled for a while then eventually went off to sleep for about 50 mins - great!

What I'm driving at in a long winded way is would this period of babble / grizzling be termed as 'controlled crying' which I don't want to do as I'm afraid of the long term damage it could cause and especially at this age?

Or am I overly thinking it?

Hi Op! I think when babies are that little when they cry out they really are crying out for a caregiver, they're still not long out of the womb and don't really understand that you can leave the room but then come back. I certainly ouldn't call that controlled crying at all though! Hope that helps x

babble / grizzling

Your "babbling" and "gizzling" might be my "crying". My "shouting" might be someone else's "screaming". There are so many different words associated with baby's cries, each given multiple different meanings according to different individuals, that your question would is difficult to answer.

Maybe ask yourself: if you knew this was a distressed cry from baby, would you have stopped your shower mid shampoo to respond to baby?

If you wouldnt, then the words you used don't matter. This would suggest you are ok with baby having a 2 minute cry before going to sleep, regardless. In which case yes, I would consider that "controlled crying" and not something I would do under 12 months.

If you would would have stopped your shower and gone to respond to baby if the cry was different - this become a subjective and it's difficult to pass any useful comment.

Personally, I would seek to alleviate every type of cry my baby makes. I know that some cries are more urgent than others and that the needs behind cries differ. But I believe every cry indicates a need unmet that I could try to solve. Even if that cry is "don't leave me on my own".

Maybe next time hang around her crib for 5 or 10 minutes* after going to sleep just to shush through any slight wakes so you know she's in a deep sleep before having your shower.

• I should add the SIDS recommendations for room sharing are that baby should sleep in a room where the adult is for all sleep times until 6 months. This includes daytime naps and evenings.

I think when people talk about controlled crying they mean actual proper full on crying as a signal that your baby is distressed. A bit of a grizzle is fine, it's just him settling himself off to sleep which is great.

Grizzling is not crying. Also 2 mins of crying then falling asleep does not amount to controlled crying.
Controlled crying is when you let the baby cry for 2 mins then comfort and repeat for as long as it takes the baby to sleep, or cry for 2 mins then 3 then 4 then 5 mins etc.
What you did was allow your baby to grizzle a bit then fall asleep by herself. This is absolutely fine and means your baby was content. If she wasn't, she would have cried much longer and louder.

crazycatlady5, Pitapotamus, LapinR0se thank you for clarifying, it's so hard to know in this brave new baby world. It's a bit hard to get advise from my Mum as she is firmly in the cry it out camp from day one and things have moved on from her day - which even she says.

Yeah I don't think even staunch Ferber advocates would go for CIO from day one! Things have definitely moved on in a better direction.
Congratulations on your new baby