I have no idea what to do anymore PEASE help before I go insane

[TeddyIsaHe]

Ok, so I'm totally against sleep training. Or I was until the last month.

Dd is 7 months and will not sleep anywhere but her pram, and prior to going to sleep in her pram I have to do an insane ritual of boob and rocking/jiggling/dancing gently around the room.

I can get her to sleep upstairs, but only after she's dropped off in the pram, I verrrrry slowly lift her out when I go to bed, put her in with me and get her on the breast within 5 seconds. She will only co-sleep with me. Any attempts at putting her in the cot is met with screaming. I've tried a co-sleeper crib, one side off of her cot, nothing works.

I've just got to the end of another battle with her (she's asleep in her pram OF COURSE) and I need the wisdom of mumsnet to help me through this!

I'm a single mum, so no dh to take up the slack when it all goes tits up.

Does she fall asleep in your bed if you feed her lying down? Because if so, I'd be doing that rather than the boob/pram/jiggle/carry routine! Sounds far too stressful, especially having to do it all on your own.

She used to, and then for some reason stopped. Why do babies do that?! So now if I lay down to feed her, she will suck for a second and then flip over and crawl all over the bed. Nothing I have tried will settle her enough to lay down and fall asleep. I think it's the motion of the pram that let's her drop off.

How long has she been like this? I ask because after a (horrible) month of dodgy sleep/getting to sleep with DS seemingly out of nowhere he reverted back to be relatively easy to settle. Could it be yet another phase? In which case unless you feel Sleep training is something you'd like to do, it might be worth waiting it out? Not helpful in the short term though, sorry!

The Gentle Sleep book helped me xx

I started to sleep train at 9 months because I was loosing my mind. The ONLY way she would sleep was me rocking her for at least an hour. Then soon as I put her down she would cry but then I would have to tap her gently to fall asleep again. . Which took another hour. Inwas literally on the edge. Sleep training is what saved my sanity. It was hard but after two days i started to see a difference in her sleep. (Some dc do take longer)
But it's the only thing that worked for us.

Could you take the pram upstairs and let her sleep in that all night? As long as it's a firm, flat base without straps and whatnot it should be safe.

she will suck for a second and then flip over and crawl all over the bed

This sounds like the classic stage they go through with gross motor skill developments. In a cot these would present as climbing up the cot sides to stand, refusing to lie down. But without cot sides to constrain, you're getting flipping and crawling.

So I would use similar methods to those deployed with a baby refusing to lie in the cot - rigid persistence. Every time baby goes to get up, go on all fours, anything that isn't lying down calmly - then reassert the need to lie down in order to sleep.

So I would lift baby slightly and put baby straight back down, like starting again. Put your hand on baby's chest/back, boob in if that's your thing (I'd try a dummy) and insist on baby staying still. Any squirming under your hand or in the cuddle hold and I'd lift and repeat. It may need a million repeats the first night, but requires you to be really consistant about firm boundaries and expectations.

Im not sure if this matches your parenting style, but it's what I'd do.

I never comment on posts about awful sleep that contain "I'm totally against sleep training", but it seems you've reached a point of accepting that it needs to be done now.

I've only sleep trained two children (my own). I haven't read a single book, and don't know anything about the techniques people often refer to here. My first was a very good sleeper from the off so only needed a nudge in the right direction. My second was awful and had other health complications, but I used the same approach.

In my opinion, babies benefit from sleep training more than the parents do. The parents may be on their knees but actually I think babies' development can be hindered if they can't take for granted basic things like a full belly, mental awareness (and of course otherwise good health). Sleep training is a win-win scenario.

All I did was be firm but loving. Make sure nappy is clean, belly is full, baby is winded (prob not necessary any more at 7mo). Also, the better they sleep during the day, the better they sleep at night. So in your shoes, assuming this is your only DC, I would do what it takes to get her to nap twice during the day. Put her in the pram and walk for 1.5/2 hours, twice a day. Do this every day for five or six days. From the first night, which will be awful, work out your routine and stick to it. Bath, milk, cuddle, nightlight on, put down, blow kiss, leave. Whatever. Then do it - as nauseam. Again and again and again. When she cries desperately, go in to her and kiss her and stroke her and tell her you love her, tuck her in, leave the room. Be reassuring. Don't pick her up. With my second DC I literally had to do this 37 times on the first night. The message does get through. For me it was massively tempting to give up but actually it would have been wrong to put the baby through all that.....for nothing.

Assuming there's nothing untoward going on, she just needs to be taught how to sleep properly, like she will need to learn how to eat healthily and exercise and all the rest of it.

Good luck!

Thank you all! I have always been someone to be totally against sleep training, but I am on my knees. I haven't had an evening to myself for coming up to 8 weeks and this cannot go on.

I'm definitely a soft touch with her, and I've definitely created a rod for my own back. I can't bear to hear her crying so will immediately pick her up and breastfeed her and bring her down with me. It was easy at the beginning and obviously I though "oh this will only be tonight". Cue 2 months later and I'm tearing my hair out!

So repetitive putting her down, leaving the room and returning to do the same is the way to go? She has a bedtime routine we stick to religiously, I think I've just given up too quickly with her and brought her down to make my life easier. Very hard thing to admit! Will have to toughen up and really stick to keeping her upstairs and sleeping in her cot. Yikes

I'd do repeatedly lying her down and cosleep cuddle hold. Repeat until she doesn't fight against you are lies down calmly cudded up to you.

Then just stay stationary and wait until she goes to sleep in the cuddle. If she wriggle and struggles, go back to lying her back down and repeat over and over until she calms into the cosleep cuddle. And wait until asleep. Then sneak out ninja style.

I would not leave the room until she is asleep.

I wouldn't see it in terms of being a soft touch. That's what you should be to a little baby, no?!! It's more that she's a baby, doesn't know at all times of day and night what she needs or what is best for her, and needs you to guide her. She's not long out of your womb, everything that's not you is potentially unnerving or scary. But she will be fine. All she will be doing is sleeping! You know this, she doesn't. So you just need to show her that everything will be fine if she stays there and sleeps. Mummy loves her and wants the best for her, and that's for her to sleep. If you want that to be in her cot, that's where she should do it - it's a perfectly decent choice for you to make (imo the best one for a baby but co sleeping is also great).

You're doing this for her sake, and for yours (which will also end up being for hers). Allowing her to struggle unhappily isn't necessary I think. I know it's not trendy to be firm about this these days but, well, it's what I think.

FYI my youngest is 1.5yo now and takes himself off to his cot pretty much on the dot of nap time and bedtime. You may actually have a very predictable, solid sleeper in your DD, just dying to get out!

We did pick up put down. Worked incredibly quickly. Couple of nights of 30-50 pick ups then tailed right off, now sleeps through 14 hours (used to have a dream feed at midnight until 9/10 months)

Put her in bednest next to me - she screams. Pick up, cuddle til crying stops, put back down. Screams again - instantly pick her up and cuddle again. Repeat. Sounds insane but absolutely worked. I felt like a cow for the moments of crying but she now sleeps like a dream and if she cries she knows I go straight in (occasional bad dreams maybe once every few weeks)

Definitely sounds like a developmental phase that will pass. Lots of busy things going on in her mind in terms of eating new foods, trying to crawl etc.

I'm not suggesting PUPD, I'm not sure if my post sounds like I was? I don't think that would work in a older, more mobile baby or one not in a cot.

I was more suggesting carrying on cosleeping, but being a bit firmer about your insistence that baby stays still. So doibg the cuddling, calming down (and feeding, if needed) whilst lying down, not whilst picking baby up.

After all, some very basic level requirements to go to sleep are the bed to be still, quiet, calm, relaxed and eyes closed. So these are needs that baby has to reach in order to go to sleep. It's about finding gentle ways to help baby learn to be still, quiet, calm and relaxed.