2 and a half year old not sleeping!

[kim04]

Hi, have no idea what I'm doing. I always lurk on mumsnet but tonight made an account to write this out of complete desperation and needing advice from anyone that's been in my position and what they did to resolve it. My two and a half year old has slept through probably about three times In his life. He has a solid routine and is always asleep by 8:30. I've set some bad habits from the beginning and put him in my bed after a bath to fall asleep (I have a tv in my room which he always wants to watch after a bath, I guess he thinks of his room as boring now) so now when I even go in his room, he runs straight back out. He won't even lie in his bed without me lying with him. I always just wait until he falls asleep in my bed and then carry him to his, but of course he wakes a few hours later and won't go back to sleep unless I get in bed with him. I know this is my fault. I've tried from him being small to break this habit but I have no idea how. Everyone I have spoke to tells me to leave him to cry but honestly I don't have the heart for it and when I've tried before, he's been sick from crying/coughing. He will wake up crying when I'm next to him but quickly calms down when I give him a cuddle. I've tried to just stand next to his bed and calm him down but he gets worked up or thinks it's time to get up because I'm not in bed. I don't know if it's seperation anxiety, bad dreams or both?! Every time he wakes he's immediately crying. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thank you

Everyone I have spoke to tells me to leave him to cry but honestly I don't have the heart for it

It's going to be a big battle with lots of stress and distress to get him going to sleep in his room. If you don't have it in you, it's time to consider Plan B

What you are doing of getting him ti sleep in your room and carrying him through to his room is really unhelpful sleep hygiene. It's not doing any good to help him. He needs to go to sleep where he stays asleep.

So if you don't have it in you to deal with the tears and tantrums if of him going to sleep in his own room, the most obvious Plan B would be having him sleep in your room all night.

So that could involve a bed for toddler next to your bed, a cot for toddler next to your bed, or toddler sleeping in your bedroom.

Then closer to school age, when sleep physiology next changes, try again to move him into his own room properly.

what about letting him choose a duvet cover for his bed? It worked for my D'S who's the same age. He's just started mostly sleeping through in his own bed.

I stay in his room till he's sleep, I sit in the corner and watch something on my iPad with headphones on. So I'm still there but not really paying attention to him. I don't eally mind how long it takes as I'm distracted on something else.

Thank you, I'll give that a try. Whenever I've tried to sit by him before he just seems to think it's time to get out of bed but if I just try to stick with it I'm sure he will get the message. Thank you x

Personally I'd change the routine gradually. Dropping the tv and your bed and lying with him all at once is a recipe for tears I think.

So step 1; drop the tv in your room. If tv after bath is part of the routine perhaps watch it briefly in the living room and then take him to bed. Was he falling asleep watching the tv? (I'd be inclined to tell him it's broken and unplug the one in your room entirely for a month or so). Instead maybe take him to your bed and read stories. Let that change in routine settle for a week or so - he's still falling asleep in your bed but the tv has gone.
Then change again - stick with the tv downstairs but when you go to bed read stories in his bed until he falls asleep. (If initially he won't come to his bed then just wait there reading the stories).
Once that has settled in then you're in a position to start changing how he falls asleep. So read the stories and then sit on a chair near the door until he falls asleep. Once he's grasped this you can do the same when he wakes on a night - a cuddle and then tuck him in and sit on the chair. Gradually you'll be able to move the chair to outside the room and eventually he won't need you there at all. Once he's mastered going to sleep without you he'll be better at putting himself back to sleep

Thank you so much, that's really helpful and sounds like a good plan. X