9mo only sleeps if held and with my boob in her mouth.

[MrsKoala]

I have a 9mo who has only ever slept when held or in a buggy. She sleeps at night with my boob in her mouth and if i try to remove it she screams blue murder. She is wriggly and wakeful and continually having small feeds (approx every 90-120 mins). I have to lay in an extremely awkward position and am exhausted most of the time. I am happy to co-sleep if she'd lay next to me like my other 2 did, but having my boob in her mouth and the frequency of wakings is killing me slowly.

I was going to start CC this week, but am now seeing that it's not recommended till 12mo.

Any advice on how to get her to sleep without feeding? She wont take a dummy or a bottle.

My question really is if anyone has done this with a baby who is already crying before they are laid down and if you should continue or not put them down while crying? And if shush/patting doesn't stop them crying, just make them worse what do you do then? Do you just let them cry for hours while you sit next to them?

I've started doing this with my boob-monster baby:-

I feed her to sleep and then as she's drifting off, I roll over a bit if lying down or tilt my arm and sit up if feeding sitting up. This is so she has to work harder to keep the nipple in her mouth as it is above her. Eventually she lets go. It might wake her up a little bit and if she roots or complains I re-insert and wait 10 seconds to do it again. I put her hand on my breast so she knows it's right there if she wants it.

She's started to let go and roll over to fall asleep by herself. Not every time by any means but more and more.

@Wonderflonium how long have you been doing this? I keep trying it with my 7 month old but she just gets upset every time. Maybe I need to persevere.

(When I saw persevere i mean keep trying until she doesn't get upset).

MrsKoala my daughter was EXACTLY the same as yours, same sleep patterns and habits and everything. I could never do the whole 'sleepy but awake' transfer thing or shushing and patting in the cot as she's just go nuts as soon as I went to lay her down, and wouldn't let up screaming until I picked her up again.

I did controlled crying at 9 months, and it has been incredible. The first night I fed her, then deliberately woke her up a little as I lay her down, told her it was sleepy time and that I loved her, then walked out. She screamed blue murder for half an hour, with me going in every 5 mins, briefly stroking her head and handing her back her comforter and dummy (which she didn't want) and then repeating the same 'it's sleepytime, I love you' phrase and then walking out. She whinged for another half hour and then fell asleep, and then slept until 6! The second night was exactly the same but with another bout of crying at 10pm (I used the same approach), and each night from then on the initial crying got shorter and shorter then by night 4/5 she didn't cry at all and slept right through!

It's so tough to do but honestly, it's worth it for you both. I was so anti CC but it doesn't do little one any favours being unable to sleep at night and it's torture for you too! Keep strong, you can totally do it!

Both of mine were like this. Is the only sleeping with a boob in her mouth with 45 minute wake-ups a new thing? i.e. was she feeding to sleep then going 90-120mins unlatched previously? If so she may be developmentally leaping/popping a tooth ATM and will go back to that. Just work on gradually unlatching her once she's heavily asleep.

For those suggesting more food...oy vey. No. At 9mo milk is probably bottom of the list as to why a baby breastfeeds. You could give her a five course dinner right before bed and she'd still be awake every 45 minutes for boob. It's for comfort, pain relief, reassurance during a period of separation anxiety, whatever...all of them just as valid reasons for needing the breast as milk at her age.

FWIW, to try and stop this with DS1 I did CC at 4mo, 6mo, CIO at 7mo, CC again at 9mo, 11mo....it never worked, and yes, I was bloody consistent, every time. I didn't do it all with DS2. Just co-slept until he was about 14mo then did VERY gradual withdrawal. He's by far the more secure and better sleeper of the two. I will feel guilty for the rest of my life for subjecting DS1 to all that pointless sleep training that he wasn't developmentally ready for. I don't regret supporting them to sleep through breastfeeding one jot, impossible though it felt at the time.

@crazycatlady5 about a month or so, I think. My baby is 7.5 months. I used to take her off using my little finger to break the latch but she grabs my hand now.
I have to wait until she has been flutter-sucking for a while or she gets mad.

@MrsKoala Hoping you'll read this and give us an update. What have you tried and how did it work out?
My DD is exactly the same as you described and turning 9 months this week. I'm utterly exhausted and looking for advice.

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT

Sorry @LettucesAndRoses I did that as people may get confused.

I’m afraid I can’t give you advice. But I’ll tell you what happened to me. We tried sleep training and it just didn’t work. She was always hysterical before I’d detangled myself. By the time she was 2 I was in a bad way. I had to have an MRI as the symptoms were similar to MS. I couldn’t drive, access words, make memories. I kept falling and walking into things.

It turned out to be chronic sleep deprivation. H started sleeping/sitting up with her for 4hrs per night so I could get some sleep. She then only woke to feed 2-3 times in 8 hrs per night. Which continued till she was 3.4 when I weaned her. Then H slept with her as if I was near she wouldn’t leave me alone.

She’s now 4.9 and still is a bad sleeper. Going at 9.30-10pm and waking at 7am and often in the night too. She also still needs to touch and stroke my stomach for comfort and still asks to see and ‘just try’ my boobs every day. God knows when that will stop!

She has developed rather a lot of sensory issues and rigid thinking so I suspect, she’s Neuro diverse, like her older brothers (ds2 is currently being assessed for ADHD and ds1 is what the ED psych and paediatrician call ‘Complex needs’.

None of them sleep before 9.30-10pm. Ds1 closer to 11pm some nights. But sleep’s for wimps apparently!

I hope you find a solution. If you want to explain more about it I’ll try to help in any way I can. Or just offer a shoulder of solidarity to cry on. for you. It’s tough.

@MrsKoala Thank you so much for your reply and honesty. So sorry to hear what happened next for you. I wish you the best

@MrsKoala I have just read through this post looking for a resolution for my little one who can only sleep with the boob as well. Reading your update, I'm so sorry about what you've had to go through the last few years - it sounds like you're a super hero to be honest. I just wanted to reply to tell you that you're amazing.

They’re is a book by Elizabeth Pantly about how not to breast feed to sleep. I can’t remember the title, but I do remember doing the “ Pantly Pull Off” to unlatch them in their sleep.