Tell me "this too shall pass"

[QueenNefertitty]

DS is 11 months. BF, cosleeping, trying to walk, not teething, not sick, by definitely having a mad development spurt.

Naps are fine- one around 9/9.30am for 45 -90 mins, one around 2pm for 45mins-3hours (!!!!) depending on how bad the previous night was.

He eats solids well, is definitely eating enough, and isn't generally cranky in the day.

But oh my god, night sleep has gone to shit!!! He goes down around 7, sleeps well until midnightish, then is waking frequently to BF (and emptying both breasts!) and wakes for around an hour to "play" in the early hours. Goes back to sleep pretty well around 4- 6 when he gets up for the day.

I love cosleeping, love breastfeeding, and don't want to stop either. But MAN am I tired...

Please tell me it's just a phase? Or am I missing something and should be making changes to improve night sleep?

Is @FATE around?!!

It is just a phase! As with everything. I needed to hear this last month when my LO was waking every 45 minutes and I was hallucinating!! Then suddenly she only woke once! Now it's back to 2-3 times.

It will pass mama! Hang in there and make sure you have time for yourself x

@HT85 oh thank you! Just what I needed to hear... although sorry you've been through it too! Totally get you on the hallucinating... I also find my balance and coordination is awful when I'm this tired, and have hada few benny hill moments this week... I have actually just packed DS off with DGM for a few hours so I can "work on a job application" ... thank you!

Is @FATE around?!!

This is the not that makes me wonder: waking frequently to BF (and emptying both breasts!).

In a younger baby it is to be expected that when baby needs more calories, there will be more night feeds until daytime calories catch up. But at coming up to 12 months, you are passing the stage where milk is the main source of nutrition. Food should now (or by next month or so) should be the main way the child gets calories.

Of course milk is still important in the diet, but it should just be part of a healthy diet in the same way all other food groups are. By taking large quantities of milk at night, it will mean less calories are needed in the daytime so you could end up in a vicious cycle.

As to how to solve it, that's tricky. A breastfed baby needs feeds for comfort as much as for calories.

The obvious answer is more daytime calories. High calorie food (avocado, banana, protein, carbs, peanut butter, cream, butter) for the meals you give. Also try to increase portion sizes and giving supper.

It's going to be a gradual change though, gradually moving calories from night time to daytime. You can't just decide not to give night feeds in a way a bottle feeder can.

I'd also see if you can settle baby with just a cuddle sometimes. Don't force the issue, you do want to carry on breastfeeding after all and night feeds are an important part of tat. So you need to keep night feeds for that purpose. But if you've fed and fed and fed for the last several hours, it would be ok to swap sides of the bed with DH and get him to cuddle and cosleep baby to settle, to give you a break.

@FATE

I have wondered about the food thing... He's a big lad, and although he's eating 3 meals, and 1 snack (offer more but just rejects them), he's so excited to play/explore the world, his attention is limited. Have tried 'courses' - so I spoon feed something high calorie (buttery mash, greek yogurt, homemade guacamole and hummus) and then give him lots of protein and pasta (guaranteed to eat a tonne of pasta if its put in front of him) as well as the usual veg.

I think tbh I probably just need to start putting some limits in place with breastfeeding (I still feed on demand) to encourage the move further over to food (and higher calorie intake) ... Im just a soft touch and tend to just whop one out for an easy life!

He's starting nursery soon part time, and I've no intention of expressing (will just give whole milk for the 1/2 little feeds he's 'missing') so this may move things along naturally (or it'll all go totally to hell in a handbasket!)

You're also right about the cuddle - last night at 4am, when boobs were totally deflated, he happily just moved down the bed and rested his little head on my tummy and went to sleep there sob - so definitely theres a comfort element to the BF.

I'm a recently lone parent so wonder if there's something going on there too... although when exDP and I were together, it was always only DS and I in the bed anyway.

Thanks though @FATE - sensible and helpful as ever

Actually am just wondering... at night, a cuddle or breastfeeding is the only way I interact with DS- no talking beyond a couple of words of reassurance - is it possible that he's breastfeeding because it's the only 'attention' he'll get from me at night time? He'd prefer to play/chatter (and does to himself for quite a while) but as I'm not engaging that way, he's going for the boob?

Or am I giving the wee one the benefit of more insight than he actually possesses?

I would be avoiding any interaction past what is necessary at night, it's not a time for play or being social.

That said, if baby is looking for comfort and reassurance, I would always give that. It's just personally, I'd give that without feeding where possible. So a cuddle for example. Ir even just putting my hand on baby's chest/back or holding hands is enough. I always like to put my head close to baby's when looking for comfort, I think hearing and feeling me breathing helps. Maybe try things like that instead of feeding as a default response to waking?

You're right- of course we cuddle, but obviously boob is cuddle +100 for him.

I'm going to give all of the above a go tonight... it can't get any worse!

I know. Boob is always going to be quickest and easiest given you are attachment parenting.

You could just carry on, it will be easiest for the both of you. Especially since you are cosleeping. There's no reason you should stop nursing unless you specifically want to.

Okay. I'm going to make a concerted effort to up solid calories (double cream in mashed potato stylee) and see if that makes a difference.

If not, guess we'll see how long I last before I crack and get the boob out.

We DO need to reduce BFing quite so often in anticipation of him starting nursery next month, so it'll be doubly helpful if it makes a difference to his sleep too.

You may find that when he starts nursery he'll want to breastfeed more in the evenings when you come home x

@HT85 ... I have mentally prepared for that ... and now have a months intensive "feed like a newborn" training behind me

I think he planned it.

Have you tried giving something cereal based (so slow release carbs) for the evening? It might help him to feel fuller and last a bit longer between feeds at night.

My 14 month old Ds has gone boob crazy since I started back at work! Just to warn you that the same might happen. I'm hoping it's just a phase as he adjusts. I am only working 3 days a week but he wants the boob pretty much all the time on the other 4 days (and at night).

@mine - dinner always includes pasta / potato/ rice or whatever- but am thinking moving dinner earlier and adding in supper might be no bad thing (if he'll deign to eat it).

Actually had a much better night last night, after a big bowl of chicken and sweet potato, and fruit with whipped cream (I know I know...)... and I'm not sure if this had anything to do with it but I left a small lamp on...

Going to try and replicate the same tonight and see how he does.

Wish me luck!