10mo just will NOT sleep

[kingfishergreen]

I'm reaching the end of my tether. I just want to shout: JUST GO TO FUCKING SLEEP! Not that it'll help.

DD has a good routine, usually in bed by 7:30pm with maybe one wake up between our bedtime (11) and 7am.

Sometimes she takes a while to go to sleep (we stay with her), sometimes it takes 5 minutes.

But every night since Saturday she's taken 2+ hours to go down. And then woken up every 30 minutes ALL NIGHT. Literally from 10pm to 7am she has woken up 14 times a night.

We sit and hush and hold her hand, and wait and wait, and wait, and wait while she shouts and rolls and flaps around.

She has had a slight temp (37.5' managed with Calpol) and has a slight cold, and is teething.

But I just want some evening time, I'm tired and hungry and pissed off.

Remind me how this stage passes.

In fact, she's not even 10mo...9.5mo I've plainly lost my mind.

Nap times/bed times could be looked at? My youngest of 3 is nearly 9 and I STILL remember how desperate I felt when they didn't sleep. You have my sympathy x

But every night since Saturday...

That's only 4 days ago. Given how sudden this change has been, it would most suggest illness or teething rather than an inherent issue that needs sleep training. So coping mechanisms is what you need, rather than any big changes.

Some coping mechanisms for occassional short periods of poor sleep:

• have a cot next to your bed. I still had the main cot next to me until 12 months. But even when baby moved to own room, i still have a travel cot next to my bed even now, 2 years later. It's not used very often but much better to let baby sleep in there so I can sooth from my bed, rather than having to sit/stand in another room.

• do as much soothing as possible without moving from your bed, ideally without even openibg yoir eyes, just dangling your arms over.

• Rest and sleep as often as you can, at any time of the day the opportunity arises. Early nights, daytime naps, clearing the diary and having a few lazy sofa days.

• turn the clock around in your bedroom so you can't see the time.

• stop counting wake ups. Pay no attention to how many times baby wakes or how long.

• conside cosleeping on really bad nights. Even if you don't want to. It's not really about getting tons of sleep. It's just about getting a tiny bit more chance of some extra rest.

• medicate as needed. I found full doses of Calpol (ie given 4 hourly through the day) gives best pain relief over night, rather than just 1 dose at night. Obviously this isn't somethibg you can do more than a few days though.

Thanks ginger solidarity is appreciated.

I knew (hoped) you'd be along FATE, you are my go-to sleep person. Be warned though, I might be too furious to take advice right now (when all I want is toast).

Four nights is a very long time when you're only getting 30 mins sleep then 15 mins awake all night (though to be fair DH and I do share it), and have a full time job, and don't get to have your dinner until 10pm.

It feels like a lifetime.

You're right it's likely a blip, though she often has these blips. And it easy to forget the good nights in-between.

She's in her own room, which makes things harder (def no space for cot in ours). We co slept last night (DH took the camp bed). Waking up every 30 mins is still hard.

Work is tough, leaving her when I go to work is tough, fitting a previously 16 hour working day into 8 hours so I can be home in time for bath and bed is tough. It's all just HARD and I want some toast and to watch Buffy reruns.

I have all seven series of Buffy on DVD 😎
Enjoy your toast
It will be fine, you've got this.

Co sleeping is good as a coping mechanism. It's not going to get you massive amounts of sleep but it'll be more than you'd get sat in the baby's room. Another option is a bed/matress in baby's room for you, baby staying in cot.

You have my sympathy! We are in a very very very place with DS right now. No advice r

Oops posted too soon

No advice really or I wouldn't be up at 1.30 reading mumsnet

Thanks FATE. I did get to watch the season 2 Finale and eat some honey on toast, eventually.

Mini solidarity to you!

DD finally went to sleep at 10, woke every hour thereafter (often in clusters, so asleep for 2 hours, awake twice in 25 mins). She was in our bed from 5, her sleep was better then (not least as w could easily soothe her, rather than blindly ricochetting down the hall to her room).

Her temp was normal yesterday, but I can see two new teeth ready to emerge.

I guess we just hold-tight until it passes (and buy some microwave meals as no one wants to cook dinner at 10pm).

I say this far to often but I think this is a sleep regression, they usually happen at 4-5 months and between 8-10 months. My LO woke every 45 minutes for a week, it felt like forever so I totally understand how you are feeling. Then one day she just woke once which never happens! And now we're back to the usual 2-3 times per night. In my experience it passes, but it's rough! X

She went to sleep by 8!!! A miracle!

DH and I just on the sofa, eating cauliflower cheese (with a spoon), ignoring each other - PERFECT, just as it should be! (Not sarcasm, it's lovely just to sit and not think/talk/engage for a while).

We gave her a dummy - she hasn't had one for ages, but tonight I just couldn't face a 2.5 hour bedtime, so relented (telling myself it'll soothe her teething). So far she's woken up one zillion times when the dummy (that she is perfectly able to put back in) fell out of her mouth, but all it takes is me putting it back in, and she's asleep again (rather than sitting and shushing for bloody hours).

Before I go to bed I plan to prise it off her. I might sneak in #whispers# a 'dream feed' to keep her topped up and maximise the chances of sleep.

There are some questionable parenting choices going on here tonight, but DH and I are eye-wateringly tired, and tomorrow's another day.

HT the 45 minute sleep period was a killer, this isn't that bad.

It's just so herd to remember even two weeks ago she had a whole week of sleeping through, ALL night... a whole week.

It's always the case that when we think 'we'll this is he new normal now' it changes, for better or worse.

kingfishergreen last night sounds positive!! Hopefully it carried on that way?

Why did you take the dummy away if you don't mind me asking? Sounds like it really helps you guys out! Wish my DUMMY AND BOTTLE REFUSER would take one.

X

HT I hope last night was reasonable for you and yours!

We took the dummy away about six weekend ago because she only had it to sleep, and we suspected that it falling out was responsible for waking her up in the night. At first she went to sleep without it, and had that week of sleeping through from 7:30pm to 7am and we thought we'd finally cracked it.

Then over a couple of weeks she slept less and less well (still without dummy), until this week when she refused to sleep unless it was absolutely unavoidable and woke up every time she possibly could.

My thinking yesterday was to use the dummy to go to sleep, and hopefully she'll let us take it away, so when she's in deep nighttime sleep she isn't woken up by it falling out.

This was a fail! Though she was easy to put to bed last night (which was a relief) she still woke up 15 ish times. And ended up in our bed at 3am.

I think the dummy is a red herring, she'll either sleep or not sleep.

We continue to stay with her until she falls asleep (and a good while after to make sure she's properly asleep), I think our only other option is CC or CIO, which I'm not comfortable with (I'm not against it, but I'd find it stressful, for her, for us and for our neighbours).

All in all she's not a bad sleeper, she is a reasonable sleeper who sometimes sleeps really badly.

Last night was a little rough for us, my daughter is 6 months and has just started solids which seem to have made sleep worse (or a coincidence) and she fidgets all night (we bedshare as we also have a cot refuser!) and trumps 😂 think her little tum is getting used to the new food.

Anyway good luck today and tonight! Hope you have some more success. I am with you in that I'm not into sleep training at all but wish there was a simple answer!

I don't think dummy makes any difference to how lightly baby sleeps or how easily they wake. Just makes going to sleep / back to sleep much easier.

That said, you can only get use out of any independant comforter (not just dummy) if used consistantly to form a special bond. I can see in my child a entire body language and face how much she relaxes within seconds of getting the dummy.

If it's used in a restricted way, it defeats much of the dummy's purpose. So in that position I would just throwing dummies away. It must be confusing for the child to be teased with it like that.

Especially through these really tough, difficult sleep periods, I would be giving unlimited access to baby's comforter at all sleep times. I would also be sleeping next to the cot to make life much easier on everyone.

As mentioned in my first post, if this is just illness or teething, I'd just throw every trick in the book at the problem to make life as easy as possible until baby is better.

HT you have an everything refuser. As much as it's a complete pain in the ass, there is something to be said for a child who knows their own mind. DD has a friend who is very placid and easy and smiley, and I must admit I'm quite proud of DD for being a bit more 'knowing' and cynical.

FATE the dummy is a tricky one. It seems to help her drop-off more easily, and it definitely makes it easier to get her back to sleep (dummy in, Ewan on, shush shush shush...sleep). But I think it also causes her to wake up more frequently, she is a side-sleeper, so she relaxes, slackens her jaw, and it falls out. Then she shouts (she used to wake-up gently, with murmurs, now it's zero to shouting immediately). she doesn't cry, she's not upset, she's just furious.

She is not particularly emotionally attached to the dummy, if I tried to give it to her during the daytime she'd look at me as if I'm completely mad, more than anything it's a simple distraction so she stops using every last ounce of energy to stay awake "ooo what's this in my mouth, interesti..ZZzzzzzzzZzzzz".

The annoying thing is she is perfectly capable of taking the dummy out and putting it back in. But she refuses to because she'd rather be awake. I've caught her take it out, and very carefully, post it down the back of her cot, and then shout. As I said, she's a cynical, knowing little one.

She's much better now, her temp has been normal for 48 hours, still teething (5 and 6 coming through), but in generally quite a good mood. Being well again really helps because we can tire her out (swimming/swings/groups etc.) whereas when she was unwell, we tried to keep her warm and inside a bit more until she felt better.

We can usually tell how well she'll go down at night based on how easily she napped during the day (she has a 30 mins mid morning and 30mins-2 hours early afternoon). And yesterday and today she went down much more easily.

I just wonder why she doesn't seem to be going into a proper deep-sleep. Previously if her dummy had fallen out in the middle of the night, she wouldn't really notice. Probably sore teeth.

Previously if her dummy had fallen out in the middle of the night, she wouldn't really notice.

That's usually been my experience. Which, as you mention, suggests something more is wrong causing such chronic light sleeping.

First molars are cut somewhere around 12 months, it could be them? Maybe an indication that daytime nap routine needs to change? Maybe time for bigger portions at meal time?

I honestly wouldn't say the dummy is the direct cause of the light sleeping though. But as you've found, a dummy can be simulantiously a blessing and a curse. In a light sleeping phase it might exasperate waking while also expeediating getting back to sleep. But normally all dummy does is get baby to go to sleep. After that it has no further negative or positive effect while being asleep.

Anyway, glad she's feeling better. Hopefully you'll be through this soon.