(Semi) Controlled Crying - Need Reassurance

[CherriesInTheSnow]

I have a very nearly 2 year old lovely DD who is my first baby.

I have always in principle been against the idea of controlled crying, and I have no prior experience of difficult sleep, as DD has always slept through brilliantly, from only weeks old (naturally barring illnesses or bad patches of teething, but bad sleep has never affected us for longer than a few nights at a time.)

I'm pregnant with our second child, and as per most advice, we moved DD from cot to bed last month, in order to give her time to adjust to the bed before DS arrives in November. Things went as I expected them to at first in that the novelty of being able to get out of bed had her getting up at times, but she generally adjusted well and slept through again.

Now we're about 5 weeks on, and things have changed dramatically over the last couple of weeks. DD has been getting out of bed constantly, not for any comfort, but to play and chat, and no matter what we do, being kind, being firm, not engaging, whatever, she does not see the need to stop what she's doing and stay in her room.

I understand why she thinks like this (as in, she's not even 2 yet!) But she does seem aware that what she's doing is naughty and will try and sneak around before coming to see us. She is getting hugely over tired which is affecting her day, and no amount of bringing forward her bed time is helping. If anything it's worse, as if we put her to bed at 6:30 she simply treats it as a late nap and is then up til as late as 11pm sometimes. I obviously feel awful that such a small child isn't getting to sleep until 10/11pm on a regular basis now. I'm also pregnant and working full time and am exhausted. We are also getting in a cycle, now the tiredness is creeping up on everyone, of having very negative emotions around bed time and get really quite cross with DD, which is unlike us and is really upsetting.

We are still sticking rigidly to her bed time routine and time, but to no avail. Tonight however, I tied an old blanket around her door handle to keep her from being able to come out of her room. It took her 15 minutes to give up and fall asleep!!!! I have now removed the blanket, and she is definitely fast asleep, I can't believe it.

I am really struggling though with the idea of her crying herself to sleep and not being able to get out of her room - despite the unbelievable difference it has made in a single night to her sleep pattern. Does anyone who has been through this phase already have any words of wisdom? Is what I'm doing cruel or for her benefit? The baby will be here quite soon and honestly I dread the thought of not being able to get our toddler to bed before 11pm and then have a newborn waking up every 2 - 3 hours. Feel so conflicted :(

I feel like she is ready for a bed

Just as an FYI in case you have no experience of other children moving from cot to bed, most make the change without any dustruption to bedtime or their sleep. Dealing with what you are at the moment is not the norm. It is not something that has to be gone through.

I think is the good of my DD

I disagree it is for the good of your child.

I agree that you think it is for the good of your child. I can see that you think you are doing the right thing. Important distinction to it actually being for the good of your child.

I agree with your husband who suggested going back to the cot. His opinion on this just as important as yours.

But you're doing it, so we shall agree to disagree. In that case you are right that very firm boundaries are needed, as with any unwelcome behaviour.

Google a process called Rapid Return. That will be your best option.

I would have to disagree that it's not the norm or at least common for 2 year olds to push boundaries when the opportunity arises. She has no other sleep issues apart from this, which is clearly a boundary issue - so although occurring at bed time, not really about bed time IYSWIM - just an opportunity. She slept for 11 solid hours last night, so I'm happy that the bed is fine for her :) And I feel much more clear headed after a good night's sleep!

common for 2 year olds to push boundaries when the opportunity arises

Oh I have one of those say on the sofa next to me eating french toast as I type. But older though, nearly 3. I'll clarify:

"Dealing with what you are at the moment when you move a child (of whatever age) from bed to cot is not the norm. It is not something that has to be gone through when you move to a bed"

(You just happen to be doing it before your child is intellectually and emotionally ready. Because she's not yet 2. So she's too young)

But FATE surely it doesn't matter? There's no need to be so fixed in one way of thinking. My 2.5 year old is in a cot (cotbed) and I have no plans to swap to a bed yet but I know others who made the switch a early as a year old and their little ones don't have sleep problems! I was amazed with the one year old especially and thought it was bound to backfire but she's 2 now and apparently it's worked out fine!

Only the mum really knows when a child is ready don't you think? I took my 2 year olds bedtime bottle away because it was a comforter but she kept wetting through her nappies at night. Arguably she wasn't 'ready' as she cried for a few nights poor thing, but it was still the right decision.

Mamabear4180 - I was taking the child's behaviour as the indication of the child is ready.

That is a very different thing to what a mum wants/hopes. Not just this mum in this situation. In parenting (sleep in particular) it is often the case that the things parents want to happen do not match what suits the child.

I also know lots of mums who have had baby in a bed before two. Sometimes it's clearly not right for the child at that time. Sometimes it is. When it is the transition to the bed is smooth and relatively easy. This isn't the case here.

You're right though, it doesn't matter anyway. The OP has decided she is doing it and that's that. So the rest is largely irrelevant.

It is the right decision for my daughter, as I know her best.

I can't be bothered to go through the reasons which lead to this decision as I've been out all day, but I know it, and I know her, and have posted a small snapshot of a few difficult nights. If she was in anyway distressed or upset the cot would have been back up the same night .

The fact is that she is going through a period of behaviour which I can see clearly now how to resolve quickly and effectively, I don't need my motives or my decisions based made on actually knowing and raising my children brought into question, or for it to be insinuated that I'm doing it for my own wants or perceptions of what's right. I do what is right for my daughter when she is ready, not when I feel she should be ready, and that goes for every aspect of her care.

I find it very off that you make blanket statements about the "norm" when we all as mothers know that each of our children is different and reach different stages of development at different rates. I find it off that you continue to male assumptions about both me and my child based on very little information, and ignore the fact that there is clear advice about when a cot no longer is the best option for a child, and about sleep regression and perfectly normal behaviours for a child my daughters age.

I am grateful for posters who have offered support and practical advice, I won't be engaging any more in this thread as it has served the purpose of supporting a tired mum after a difficult night, and am still very happy with my daughter being in her lovely bed.

OK. Good luck, I hope she learns quickly.