3yo never settles

[isitjustme2017]

Help!!! My 3.5yo son is driving me round the twist. We have the same bedtime routine every night. I read him 2 stories then I have to faff on for ages getting his covers right, his door in the right place etc etc. Within 5 mins of getting downstairs, he is shouting for me to go back up with some ridiculous excuse (needs tucked in, need drink etc). This can happen several times. I usually end up losing my temper with him which then causes tears!
I've tried reasoning with him and explaining he has to be a good boy etc but it makes no difference.
I've tried ignoring him but he becomes hysterical. I've tried shouting upstairs that he is fine and I won't be coming back up, this ends in hysterics too.
I'm at my wits end..... any advice?

Consequences tomorrow - you are too tired for xy or z as you had to keep running upstairs to him. .
Big boys who go to sleep sensibly get privileges though. .
You need big girls pants on and be firmer before you are still doing this palaver in 5 years time. .

I told him he would get no ice lollies if he did it tonight. Within 5 minutes he was shouting. I've just shouted upstairs that I won't be coming up and that I warned him about this. He's complaining his door is not closed enough.
I've decided to let him cry...... its not easy having to listen to it though. I'll be refusing ice lollies tomorrow too.

So after about 40 mins of hysterical screaming he came downstairs so I was forced to take him back up anyway!!!!

Why not sit with him until he falls asleep then gradual retreat to doorway, landing, stairs etc over several weeks.
They atill dont really get consequences that aren't immediate.

He can takes ages to fall asleep and I have an older child I have to see to - so sitting with him for long periods isn't really an option.
I took him back upstairs and was VERY stern with him. He seems to have settled now.
You're right, he never understands consequences!!

Ah thats a tough one then. Can you put the two in the same room maybe? Sounds like he's lonely. My 3yo sometimes has bad dreams and comes into our bed. Has he got a nightlight? Good luck

I've tried night lights - he is SO weird with stuff like that. I'll switch it on then its another excuse for him to shout down and ask for it to be turned off.
The strange this is, after I read him his stories he actually asks me to leave. Otherwise I would sit for a bit longer. Then he shouts downstairs straight away.
Might try staying in his room a bit longer tonight.....

I feel your pain. My son is 3.5 (4 in October) and all of a sudden is staying up playing in his room till sometimes 10.30 at night. We've moved his bedtime a bit later now, to 8, and he does all the faffing about with his dad and I both reading him a story and telling him a story and we settle him down and then he just can't settle himself to sleep anymore. He used to be pretty good, but it's like he's totally wired and can't stop playing until he just passes out. I try wearing him out in the day with doing stuff but it doesn't seem to make any difference. And we've told him he can only come to us if he needs a poo and all of a sudden this is what needs to happen every evening after bed - how is he even doing that?! And of course various other requests for water/just needing to ask a question/just needing a toy from us etc etc. We mostly manage to get him to stay in his room (he was always incredibly good at that, but it went totally wrong recently). Desperate to get it sorted out because his little sister's going to be moving into his room in a couple of months and I dread to think what's going to happen then. Any advice much appreciated, but mainly HUGE SYMPATHIES to you, OP!!

My 3 year old D D is doing the same. DH often settles her to bed as I'm attending to our younger DD. It's classic avoidance stuff - light in, light off, need potty, need a drink, hungry etc etc.
We're trying to be firm and consistent in the hope it'll pass.
No real advice, just you aren't alone!

Recently tried this with my just 4yr old... I explained to him during the day that we were going to have a change of routine, that I wouldn't stay with him to fall asleep anymore, that he needed to sleep and I needed some mummy time.

I put him to bed then tell him I'll be back to check on him in a few minutes. Used to go back 2-3 times for cuddle and 'sweet dreams' which seems to reassure him enough.

I ignore any shouts downstairs unless he's really upset. I call back 'I'll check on you in a few minutes'.

If he gets out of bed I walk him back straight away, get whatever he needs (water/bathroom) and tell him I won't be able to check on him if he doesn't stay in bed.

4 weeks ago I had to stay with him til he fell asleep which was turning into a nightmare - him clingy and me frazzled. Now he's falling asleep so quickly I only check on him once and I've got my evenings to myself again.

No TV/screens an hour before sleep time really makes a difference too.

We tried something different this evening (am at the stage of being willing to try anything!). We put him in bed as usual tonight but when I told him a story I turned the lights down a bit and told it to him r e a l l y. s l o w l y and included lots of words like warm, comfortable, relaxed, slow, calm, sleepy etc, and was stroking his forehead at the end of it. I then left him with a sleep meditation thing on from YouTube (this one: playing in his room and he wanted his door shut so he could hear it properly and then there was the odd question from him etc but he only came out of his room once. He still had to listen to it for 1hr 45mins before he passed out but he was much, much calmer and fell asleep at 9.30. Which is a huge improvement on last night's 11pm! So I guess the key for us is to try and relax him. He suffers from social anxiety and selective mutism, so perhaps his little mind is racing at the end of the day and he's wound up and stressed, I don't know. But doing all this calming business and leaving him in a bit more of a chilled atmosphere definitely stopped him bouncing about his room shouting and playing with things and reading for three hours before going to sleep. Definitely trying it again tomorrow!