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Sleep

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Original poster

Toddler insists we stay with her until she falls asleep

12 replies

QFmum1 · 02/08/2017 21:32

Our 2.5yo DD used to be a great sleeper, in particular she had a great bedtime routine which involved stories then lights out, kiss on the cheek, and we would leave her alone to go to sleep no problem. Since DS arrived 6mths ago her sleeping has regressed in a few ways, the most noticeable issue is that when putting her to bed she now insists that we stay with her until she has fallen asleep. If we attempt to leave she goes bananas and gets so upset it takes ages to calm her down again. Not always an issue as most days she falls asleep quite quickly but sometimes (like today) it takes upwards of an hour....very frustrating. Have tried e.g., repeatedly taking her back to bed when she gets up to follow us out the room but as above it just hasn't worked, it has resulted in nights of her being up until 11pm or later.

Has anyone else had this? Any tips on how to get back to having her fall asleep independently?

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 03/08/2017 07:35

She's probably feeling the complete change in home life since the new baby came along, and so is seeking extra reassurance.

You don't mention if she's in a cot or bed, I'm hoping she's still in a cot because this would make life much easier.

Have a Google search for a mumsnet thread called 'what worked for us'. The opening post gives a great explanation for a speeded up version of gradual withdrawal. It is meant for a younger child, but I think the basic premise should still work. It's only going to work in a cot though. Or if the child is in a bed and stays in bed.

Original poster

QFmum1 · 03/08/2017 10:13

Thank. She's actually been in a bed for more than a year now....we did that well in advance of DS coming along as he needed the cot. We have a stairgate on her door (as she also has had a tendency to sleepwalk in the past) which I guess would have the same effect of keeping her in her room, so I'll have a look for that thread you mentioned, thanks.

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Jackiebrambles · 03/08/2017 10:17

My son went through stages like this. Honestly it was easier to stay with him as he was asleep within 5 minutes!

Not easy if you are on your own with other kids to settle though.

Have you tried leaving but saying you'll pop back in a minute, just got to go to the loo (or something). Or potter around outside so she can hear you are there?

Original poster

QFmum1 · 03/08/2017 10:43

Thanks...that's how we feel, with two of them (especially as DS is a record poor sleeper), we just don't have the energy to fight this! Just kind of hoping it goes away in time although worried it won't! Have experimented a little with popping out to the loo, bustling about just outside the room etc...hasn't worked so far but I reckon we need to try a little harder/more consistently.

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SprogletsMum · 03/08/2017 10:45

I know it's hard when you have a rubbish sleeper and you just want that break at the end of the day but I would just go with it for now. She's still so little and she will stop needing it eventually.

Pastaagain78 · 03/08/2017 10:47

Go with it. It will pass and she needs it now. Hang in there.

BumWad · 03/08/2017 10:49

Marking place

DS2 is one step ahead in that when he wakes in the middle of the night he screams and cries until we are there in the room with him.

Think we may need to CC.
We don't have another baby btw

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/08/2017 10:52

I'd do the 'back in 5 minutes' thing but start by 'I'm just popping to clean the bathroom, I'll be right next door and then I'll pop back' then 5 mins, 10 etc.

As long as she's not poorly I'd be ok about being a bit firm.

IndianaMoleWoman · 03/08/2017 10:53

Our DD same age is the same, same issue with younger baby needing to go to sleep too. We've just stuck with it to be honest, it's been a few months but now once/twice a week she'll say "Go away please mummy, I'm going to sleep!"

Hopefully this'll become more regular until she completely grows out of it.

Dancinginthemidnight · 03/08/2017 10:58

My Dd was the same. She used to go to sleep by herself no problem. I'd just lie her in the cot, turn her mobile on and she would go to sleep. Now she will only sleep if someone is sat on her floor and if she wakes in the night its the same. I've tried the I'm just going to get my phone and I'll be back and she starts crying. We don't have another baby so I don't know what's happened.

bettybyebye · 03/08/2017 11:42

My DS (now 4.5) always liked to have someone sitting in his room until he fell asleep from a similar age. We started letting him listen to a CBeebies radio story which worked wonders. So we would do bath, stories and milk, teeth. Then lights out, story on and mummy/daddy leave room. 9/10 he falls asleep listening to the first story, sometimes he has one or two more

Original poster

QFmum1 · 18/12/2017 15:50

I just thought I would followed on this for anyone reading this belatedly. So we had some advice from a sleep professional that the best thing to do was to talk up during the day how DD was going to go to sleep by herself, that we would do 3 stories then leave her etc. And then to do just that...3 stories, say good night then leave. I was sceptical but we tried it. The first night she protested for 15 mins or so, the 2nd night 5 mins, then that was it...we haven't stayed with her while she goes to sleep since. Can't believe we didn't try this sooner...I honestly thought it would just result in a nightmare tantrum, but I was very wrong. Toddlers need/want boundaries setting/sticking to, it seems!

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